IN A TIMELY INTERVIEW WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT WE HAVE 5 ROMAN CATHOLICS ON THE SUPREME COURT HELL BENT ON AMALGAMATING CHURCH AND STATE INTO A SACRILEGIOUS MISOGYNIST ANTI DEMOCRATIC DICTATORSHIP…BEARDE’S EYE VIEW LANDS THE FIRST NEW INTERVIEW WITH JESUS RECORDED RECENTLY ON OUR CELL PHONE.
BV. We’re most honored Jesus that you chose BEARDE’S EYE VIEW for your post resurrection first interview.
JC. It was a toss-up between you and Anderson Cooper but Dad said he didn’t want any more of those gay rumors getting out about me.
BV. You mean the stuff about you hanging with all those guys and not having a girl friend?
JC. Yeah, who needs that when you’re about to make a major come back to set things straight.
BV. Why did you Guys decide this was the time to do this?
JC. You’ve got to be joking? The Tea Party, the Supreme Court using Dad’s name in vane , that Palin creature.. crushing the unions … those racist crazies using religion as an excuse to divide people into various colors and sexes …what’s the name of you country again?
BV.The United States of America!
JC. Yeah that’s it… that’s the one in the middle between Canada and Mexico the exceptional one ?
BV. Right! So I take it Jesus by that outburst you’re left leaning like you’re a bit of a Liberal
JC. I’m on the side of that black guy the cops beat up all those years ago what was his name again?
BV. Rodney King.
JC. Yeah…I gave him that line!
BV. You mean “Why don’t we all just get along?”
JC. No the other line:”Stop beatin’ on my head white boy!”
BV. But you are a man of peace right?
JC. “You betcha” by the way “You betcha!” that’s my line too… The Palin creature stole it from me.
BV.What messages will you bring to the people of the World?
JC. Well my Pop has always said…”if those American clowns start trying to put “the word of the Lord” into the workings of their lousy corrupt attempts at governing themselves I’ll give ’em such a plague of locusts, a mess of some really smelly diseases and a Roland Emmerich disaster movie on their hands that will shake the living crap out of them!!.”
BV. So we should take it that Dad is keen on the separation of Church and State.?
JC. If that’s what you call it…that’s an affirmative. People like Pat Robertson and that Joel Osteen guy should be paying taxes like the rest of the greedy fakers like them. They’ve got as much chance of getting past Saint Pete as any card-carrying right-wing racist Republican deficit cutting crazed quasi Presidential candidates putting down Obama… he’s the man…
BV. We hear you JC. Obama is rocking the house! I know you’re rushed for time right now what with the visas and the shots…
JC. Well when you’re coming back as “the common man” you’ve got to have your papers in order…Dad says I look a little Hispanic or even Asian …what do you think?
BV. You’ll always be a Jew to me.
JC. Thanks Rabbi…I think we’ll be skipping Arizona the governor looks like a freaky old Devil lady with bad hair and a chip!
BV. You should see Liz Cheney.
JC. I’ll let you into a little secret…none of that Cheney family are gonna make it upstairs either.
BV. I forgot you know everything.
JC. Bill O’Reilly thinks he does… there’s another dude who’s set for something eternally bad.
JC. Worse than that… He’s getting Anne Coulter as a cell mate .. and Michele Bachmann as Dungeon Mistress.
BV. Yeah that kinda says it all… “just don’t mess with the Big Guy heh?”
JC. …And I’m not even going to go there about John Boehner, Dennis Miller, Ted Cruz, Paul Ryan, Sean Hannity and the Dog killer Michael Vick…
BV. Thank you so much Jesus for granting us this time with You.
JC. You’re very welcome. dude .I enjoyed most of your shows. Elvis and Bob Hope told me to tell you the Morris Agency really screwed you out of some really heavy-duty residuals.
BV. That’s probably the reason I have to do this blog in the hope it’ll catch on and I can move the South of France where they don’t wear anything on the beach apart from Chanel.
JC. I could make that happen…but it’s your Karma bud!
**** NOTE!!…comedy brings us to a state of realism that overcomes imagination.
I actually did speak to somebody calling Himself JESUS for these few words… Whom ever he was he was my version of JESUS.. A relaxed and very funny guy..I hope He comes to see me again.. it’s a most enjoyable experience.. Wait… who’s this coming in…Moses..is that you?…Mohammed?…..Ayn Rand..I hated your books …Groucho..now that’s who I’m talkin’ about…and there’s Benny Hill.