We give great headlines again!”

Hillary Clinton condemns Syrian President for attacking his own people with rocket launchers and commends US police for not using rocket launchers on their own yet!

Newt Gingrich’s mouth will be checked for “decaying truths.”

After looking at the REPUBLICAN candidates for President …there’s a rumor that God may run as an independent.

Marco Rubio the Florida guy tipped for a GOP vice presidential nod said yesterday that he although he doesn’t “speak Cuban” both he and Herman Cain speak Koch.

The new NYC POLICE have been given a new slogan by Bloomberg..”Projectile and serve!”

Mayor Bloomberg will hold a candlelit visual for the unfortunate NYC police put on leave with no pay.

The Congressional SUPER COMMITEE ‘s complete downfall is being blamed on Kryptonite.

Monsanto today concluded the contract completely owning all the Broccoli and Jelly Beans on the planet.

The Divorcee’s of America Organization voted Callista Gingrich “The Life Time Husband Stealing Bitch Award!” today.

John Boehner will make a guest appearance on “Housewives of Orange County! ”

Mitch McConnell has been asked by some members of the senate wherel his blood is?

The Housewives of Atlanta’s houses have all burned to the ground.

Sean Hannity has accused President Obama’ ancestors of having caused “every bad thing that ever happened in the World since it cooled down”.

Rick Perry has been declared the candidate most likely to secede from the debates.

Rans Paul has been rumored to have said he wants to reinstate smoking in the Mayor Clinic.

The people working on Wall street will soon begin to wear the newly designed protective Armani suits.

Unwashed grannies and dope smoking hippies across the country will form a consolidated movement and will jointly plan to peacefully nod off in front of police lines.

Chris Christie’s true motives for not running revealed.. he will star in remakes of ” The Incredible Hulk” and “Honey I Blew up the KId!”

If he doesn’t make it …Newt’s rumored to be mulling over the lead role in a remake of “Show Me the Money.”

George Bush Dick Cheney and Rumsfeld meanwhile are contemplating roles in the Russian classic novel “War and Peace” but say they only want to do produce “the first word part.”of it.

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