“DIRECT FROM THE CHRIS BEARDE SCHOOL OF COMEDY”

The recent smash hit graduation showcase of the Chris Bearde School of Comedy at the Comedy Central Stage at the Hudson was notable for the introduction of what we think will become a viral hit tune on You Tube and eventually be snapped up by one of the failing record companies and become the biggest thing ever on the ipod universe.

As a special gift to our loyal blog nation participants here are the lyrics to the tune soon to be made into a sensational music video featuring our very own all girl group” The Cupcakes ”

              “I HAD SEX WITH MY TEXT!”

I was movin’ thru life with a smile on my face,

I was fallin’ in love with the whole human race

I would never had thought it could happen in Cyber,

But that first time I shook right down to my fibre

I had sex with my text and it was a blast,

Sex with my text from my head to my ass

I had sex with my text ..it was quite a mind storm

I had sex with my text  way over the norm.

Sex sex sex with my text…sex sex sex with my text…

Sex sex sex with my text…sex sex sex with my text…

Sex sex sex with my text …sex sex sex with my text!!

YEAH!!

Other verses upon request will be sent privately in a plain brown envelope. 

Thanks to Comedy Central who joined forces with all the folks at the International Comedy Hall of Fame in making this memorable.. and we hope highly wiggy tune… a major American hit song. And if it doesn’t go viral we will lay the blame directly where it belongs on President Obama and his lousy health care plan. 

 

 

More shows soon for those that missed the first one.

 

“Clips from the CB Comedy School Showcase at the Comedy Central Stage soon on various Web Sites!”

“A NEW GOP STAR IS BORN AND COMEDY LIVES!”

Fox News….the Republican Party main stream politicians and the rest of racist American  have spoken..Sarah Palin and her hordes can eat their shorts….The new lady lunatic is running the party-asylum..say hi to the next candidate for the total demise and destruction of the GOP…Michelle (with a rebel yell) Bachman.

JOKE #1 : “Michelle Bachman thinks Cheerios are donuts for midgets.”

But let’s not laugh too loud. She’s gaining hourly strength through relationships with the Fox News organization and their lunatics liars and now through the obvious adoration of other elected Republican officials.

JOKE #2: “Michelle Bachman went into a BMW dealing and asked if they sold cars with any other letters.”

All that’s needed now is for Limbaugh to get the hots for “Mad Michelle ” and get behind her every statement and we will have the greatest new comedy star since Sarah Palin. 

But.. and its a big but …Hitler looked like a lunatic and said some pretty outrageous things.. like  “We’re the Master Race”..and “Lets kill 6,000,000 Jews!” and “Why don’t we invade Europe and eventually take over the entire World by force!”  He knew how to use insane but highly effective propoganda against minorities.

JOKE # 3: “Michelle Bachman thinks a straight jacket is an anti-gay fashion statement.”

 Michelle has left the starting blocks on this one fast. ” Let’s scare the politicians into voting!” …”Look into the whites of their eyes!… ”Revolution is a good thing!” …..her followers want the “black man out of the white house!”.. they carry banners saying ”The President of the United States is a foreigner.”and disgusting photos of piles of dead Jews from the camps exploiting their extremism and using racial hate as their weapon to gain power.

And there in Washington these swine claimed their right to free speech by cheering on a woman who should have been arrested by the police for inciting a riot through her demands for possible violent overthrow of the elected government . This was of course not possible for the police would have had to arrest most of the leaders of the Republican Party as well as they decided to stand with the crazed fool and make incendiary out of control speeches themselves. 

It was a disgusting repulsive and scary look at an obviously sizable chunk of the American psyche as it is presently. If this is the philosophy on which the Republican party and its subsidiary Fox News have decided to follow we are in for the most divisive ugly and destructive period in the history of this country. 

Without a doubt the entire event was not tied to health care reform by its backers.  

The 800 pound Gorilla in the house (and the senate) was witnessing the beginning of the “White Party!”  

JOKE#4: ”Michelle Bachman is so white.. Macy’s had a White Sale and nobody knew she was there!”  

The embryonic thrashing of “the us against them” movement .

This is where the rest of the non white..non Christian..heathen.. Muslim… atheist..baby killing…hip hop hordes who want to change “white” America  into several hideous shades of brown, yellow, Jewish and married gay colors… are conquered and put in internment camps! 

There were no people of color in the crowds in Washington this week other than the police. There were no Republican officials on the podium of color apart from the artificially colored stiff John “Boner.”

The hope would be that the American public at large sees this as the death throes of 19th century thinking and not the beginning of  the end of the American way of life as white people know it!

JOKE# 5 :”We saw a bumper sticker last night Bachman/Miller 2010. it caused 2 hit and runs and a drive by shooting.”

JOKE # 6 : “Michelle Bachman’s husband sits in a dark room most of the time.”   **This is not a joke but a fact!

“THERE IS NO WHITE KNIGHT!”

PUNDITS: ” The voters have spoken!….The middle is angry… they don’t like the direction the country is taking.”

Okay Angry middle..lets talk this down…..

So what did you all-knowing “angry middle” voters do in this latest election…?…..You voted Republicans back into power in 2 states …Duh…the very people who’s policies got you so “angry” and into financial trouble in the first place.

Er..”its the economy stupid”….so who’s “stupid?”

“‘SOOTH SAYINGS OF THE POLITICAL PSYCHICS”:

“The President and the Democrats need to start looking towards the “angry” centre where all the votes are if they hope to stay in control”…….

So where is the centre’s highly “angry” head right now? Apparently the “angry” centre is “angry” ’caus Obama isn’t hard enough on Wall Street and the banks and the corporations…’tis true up until now….but then again some “angry” peeps out there want the government to ‘”Keep out of  their Medicare! ”  Huh?

We Liberal lefties are ”angry” too because Wall Street , the banks and the corporations are what got us into this shit in the first place.

But you… the ” great angry centre “… are “angry” at Obama for not standing up to the very people you seem to want to vote back into power.” Why isn’t Obama being tougher on Wall Street and the banks? He’s given them all our tax money! Let’s vote those lousy weak-kneed Democrats out of power…and hey …will somebody look around for some great TV perfect white hope politician guy who can  get us our houses, cars and pensions back ..the stuff they stole from us already.” Huh?

Are you “angry centrists smoking some really primo weed or are you all taking  Rush Limbaugh pills and haven’t  cleared up your constipation problem yet?

Who the hell would you be talking about to lead you out of anger and back into the light….Name a Republican or a Democrat who has a plan better than Obama’s.. however flawed it may be.?

Okay let’s try making sense of the American electorate mood here..How about Algebra.?

O=Obama.  AC= Angry Centre. WBC =Wall Street/Bankers/Corporations . FN = Fox News. RW = Right wing  53=Obama’s Popularity. PD.=Political Disaster. PS =Political Success. SPM = Sarah Palin Mob.

60% =Democratic Majority. 20% = People who currently say they’re Republican.  Here’s the equation:

AC+2O+FN +SPM -O-60 +53 -WBC = SPM & FN+RW +20 =PD. ..O+ 53  minus WBC = PD/RW& SPM.

We were never that great at Algebra anyway. This equation makes as much sense as Obama can make of the hopeless condition the Bush years  left this great country in .

So let’s go ahead “angry centrists” and “angry middle” people… blame the Democrats whom we voted for in the hope they would magnificently “change” everything with a huge magic wand and all this would take place in less than a year so we could all live happily ever after while eating diseased corporate factory meat and Monsanto genetically altered produce and breathing ever-increasing hot air while watching our children’s education skill slip to pre Neanderthal standards and our families dying off quicker after being denied treatments for pre-medical conditions like bad breath.

The current “anger” could be placed fairly and squarely where it belongs… most recently at the cowboy boots of the worst excuse for a Head of State since Caligula!

Who in their right mind would think that America could be back on its feet in a year after both Clinton and two Bush terms of financial rape of the middle and lower classes and the installation of the 1% of American society as the only real success story of the fledgling 21st Century.

Make no mistake “angry” people you are right in being “angry” …but blame yourselves… as we Libs do… for not watching our backs for the last 2o years…. while the Clinton’s and Bush’s and their minions took over our great  America ..and destroyed it  for us making it a playground for the super-rich.

“Angry folks” …you can bet big time the rich are not gonna give it back without a fight ..perhaps to the death of Democracy as you “angry” people know it and are trying so hard to defend  for totally wrong reasons by paying attention to the wrong people… in fact the very one’s who are out to get you …and get you good…

The  fact is Wall Street and the bank-a-rations are sticking their fingers in our collective ”angry” American eyes right now and as far as they’re concerned it’s business as usual and the President of the United States can go fuck himself.

This isn’t a political problem it’s a corporate palace coup that’s already happened problem.

This has made us Progressives mad for years and years…but we wouldn’t vote for a Republican if the World was coming to an end because of Global warming!! ………….Huh?

So to the “angry” middle… join the club..because we’re all gonna need a really big club to hit the 1% over its financial head…you see … as of  this moment… its controlling us “angry” 99%.. and we’re talking about all of you ..you dumb Republicans …Democrats and Indies ..all of you who can’t stop shoving the corporate controlled television  media bullshit Cool-Aid down your own “angry” stupid “angry” throats!!!!

NEXT TIME WE WILL TELL YOU HOW WE REALLY FEEL.!

And don’t forget ”Angry Villagers” will shortly be available as a television show as soon as my agents gets off their angry asses!!

“WER’E GOING OUT ON A LIMBAUGH TODAY!”

Okay..Okay..lets us be the contrarian here .

After all the Huffington and Puffington and blowing the White House down..and after the Cable News psychics and soothsayers have had their say ….we’re saying Obama still has the best chance  to pull us out of this mess by slowly and surely eating away at the bigotry and stupidity of the opposition and regaining the ground he lost by trying to be the good guy to a bunch of really bad people. They are still really bad people and Obama is still a really good guy. Right?

Nothing has changed in that regard.

Here’s what’s changed  Obama is trying to run a 21st Century country ..The Republicans are trying to ruin that country and run  it as a 19th Century country.

They can only succeed if the Democratic base lets them..and at most of the elections across the country last night… the Democratic base let them…And they were right to do it..It was the “wake up and smell the losses” call to the President who we  desperately need to help stop the Bush years of internal monetary bleeding  that still lays as a dormant festering sore  at the heart of our struggling economy.

You can’t cure 8 years of corporate corruption in a one year..especially when you have a virulent anti-government media powered revolution seething under the surface ready to create havoc with Democracy by demanding their version of it only. A movement  so vile in purpose that it fakes major stories and reports them as real and continues to insidiously hammer home an agenda that is contrary to the American Main Stream. This media frenzy when caught in a lie ..continues the lie rather than admit to it. And this is the kind of government it mirrors. The Bush doctrine.

The coalition of minorities , young people , progressives and independents stayed home and the Republicans didn’t at least that’s what the polling numbers show us. All those folks are still out there and they’re so angry they showed Obama where they want him to go and who they want him to be. ..by sitting on their votes.

Those “No Shows” were the story…that was the protest Obama should heed …Not a couple of local governors races where all the white guys look the same.

We must remind Obama constantly of  a few  important bullet points.

1. EVEN NOW THIS IS STILL AN ENTRENCHED  CORRUPT  (BUSH GENERATED) ECONOMY…REMIND THE FOLKS YOU’RE TRYING TO GET US OUT OF IT .

2. YOU HAVE ENEMIES IN YOUR OWN PARTY YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT WHO  MIGHT NOT BE TRYING TO GET US OUT OF IT!

3. GET YOUR COALITION BACK OUT ON THE HUSTINGS ..YOUR SPEECHES ARE MIGHTIER THAN THE OTHER SIDE’S SWORD OR ASSAULT RIFLES.

4. CONCENTRATE ON PUTTING BACK TO WORK ALL THOSE ”DOWNSIZED” AMERICANS THE CORPORATIONS  PUT OUT OF WORK WHILE HANDING OUT NEW ENORMOUS BONUSES TO EACH OTHER . THE “DISGRUNTLED VOTE” IS OUT THERE FOR THE TAKING. SAY THINGS LIKE “THE REPUBLICANS ARE THE PARTY KEEPING YOU POOR!”

5. KEEP CALLING OUT FOX NEWS AND PAY WANDA SYKES TO START STALKING BILL O’REILLY ON THE HOUR EVERY  HOUR.

6. REMEMBER, THE GOP CANNOT WIN WITHOUT THE INDEPENDENTS.. THE RIGHT WING IS LIKE A PIMPLE ON LINDSAY LOHAN’S FOREHEAD ….SO KISS THAT INDEPENDENT ASS  BRO’!

7. HAVE PAT BOONE ARRESTED FOR SEDITION AND BEING A TRAITOROUS ASS^%!@# AND  RENDITION HIS SAGGING BUTTOCKS TO BOSNIA WHERE HE  SHOULD BE  CONSTANTLY WATER-BOARDED AND FORCED TO LISTEN TO IRON MAIDEN CD’S 24/7.

And then theres…   ”MEAN MAINE”

The most disappointing news to come out of this current spat of meaningless elections is Maine voters repealing the same-sex marriage act.  We’ve been to Maine.. it’s a nice place if you like big red Lobsters and tiny minded multi- colored bigots.

The dark ages obviously still exists in most of this country on several issues that deserve an open heart … it seems Americans are not ready to accept Gay marriage. …. This is religious horse $%#@!

Didn’t that really good guy Jesus say :”All men are created equal?”

We know “really good guy Jesus” meant all men and all  ”women”

He was just under a great deal of pressure from the 12 guys who watched his every move while grovelling at His feet and trying to work out how He walked across the bay to see them and not around it.

***EDITORS NOTE

I feel equal to all men and all women except ex- wives to whom one can never feel equal… due to the inequality of lawyers.

I feel that not allowing anyone to love and cherish anyone else …whom so every the fuck  that might be…  is a right that doesn’t  need to be judged or voted on by anyone but the two people in love .

It should just be there …front and centre as a human right!

What makes these rules?? Religion that’s what ….  All religious groups must have some dogma where that dogma gives them the right to make judgements that defy the basic human expression known as  love.

Love doesn’t just ask the question “can  a man only love a woman?” all it says is …Hey this works for me ..let’s get it on!

SHORT THOUGHT:   It would have been great  to see Sarah Palin and William F. Buckley debating the direction of the Conservative movement. Unfortunately Bill is only with us in spirit while Sarah is only with us on Facebook or if you pay her $100,000 speaking engagement fees.

We can only hope that Sarah and her Dick Armie continue to try to take down any form of moderation in the Republican Party thereby reducing it further from a small-minded corporate loving bunch of old school losers to the party of people with guns who shouldn’t have guns and those who are angry about everything… can’t spell.. but still love Jesus!

I love Jesus he was a righteous dude….and I’ll bet some of those disciples would loved to have married him.

“HAS OBAMA’S CHARM GONE WITH THE CAUTIONARY WIND!”

Let’s face it we love the guy… we love the change he’s making  however slow….but we’re now facing our own demons…Is it possible that the independents in this country are actually believing that Republicans can fix the country better than the Democrats?

So far their plan seems to be to tell everyone that white people should be in charge and we shouldn’t pay any taxes as they can run the country without taxes or minorities but with Jesus and Rush Limbaugh.

Is it possible that the extreme and lunatic philosophies of the likes of Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck are actually making inroads into the thinking of millions of gullible people?

God we hope not…these lunk-heads are not the future of this country.. they will be the demise of Democracy and the beginning of a purge of everything most of us stand for… Like could you live life without Stephen Colbert and a pristine coastline?

Most of us?   Hmmmmmm..lets’ go back and say that again…Most of us..!!

The extremist Right Winged philosophy… which seems to be getting through to the uniformed these days… is that Obama and the Democrats are traitors to Democracy and they want to destroy the America way of life. They are.. in the recent words of a blue haired Republican congresswoman ….”worst terrorists than Al Qaeda. ”

These people are getting away with this because the President is not calling them out in a hard-assed and angry way.

This is what we want him to do.. Why is he not doing it?

We’re pissed off because we want him to be…pissed off yeah!!

He just seems to be walking around with a happy grin on his face…  Hopefully… as we’ve said before .. it’s because he knows something we don’t know. ..Hopefully because  he’s that strong and wise leader who’s allowing all this crap to land around him… letting the right-wing win these current elections by the clever strategy of  not answering the panicky calls from his progressive and liberal allies to get tough with the right!

Has he squandered his entire base trying to appease the unappeasable..?

Has Obama  become Sampson with a buzz-cut!

Please ..after tonite’s horrifying  election results when the Democrats go down in flames we know we’ll  be facing a triumphant Fox news … We”ll be assailed by the nincompoop Nostradamus predictions of Rush and Karl… the calls for Sarah Palin to be  President and the probable death throws of realistic health reform as Blue Dogs realize they’re close to a relection euthanasia if they don’t begin sounding like they’ve been reading the “Philosophies of Attila The Hun”.

So Obama tell us what the plan is….we want to believe.. we need to believe ….Are these election losses part of your plan to stay in control of the country that elected you to be the fearless leader?

Tell us your plan to snatch victory from this ghastly voter defeat day… for the dude who has a 60 seat majority and an opposition party in disarray… a party that  only has 20% of the population claiming to be Republicans!!

This is unbelievable to some of us….there must be an explanation … we’ve got to get a grip.!

Oh wait .. here’ comes Rod Serling again….He’s dead …but that’s okay if you’re  in the “Twilight Zone”… but not if you’re a frickin’ President with the fate of our country in your hands.

We await your answers oh mighty and clever President…. prove us wrong …pretty please….!!

“ARE WE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS?”

“Looking at the news reports of the weekend the answer is in our opinion YES!”

IN OUR OPINION..NOT NECESSARILY YOURS.

We are idiots if we allow our “in the pocket of big business” elected officials to water down the climate control bill so within the next 5o years our kids and our grandkids will have great houses and cars but will resemble French Fries. 

We are idiots if we allow our elected officials to demand we send 40,000 young Americans to be killed and maimed in a war where electing a democratic government has about as much to do with reality as Balloon Boy.

We are idiots if  we allow our elected officials to vote for anything less than a powerful punch in the face to the corruption of the criminal insurance industry which is as fraudulent as any claim made about Dennis Miller being  funnier than a root-canal.

We are idiots if we don’t demand that Joe Lieberman honor his pledge to “debate anyone” on his health care position and agree to be interviewed by MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow who will carve this little weasel’s ass@!*! a new ass@!#*!  

 We are idiots if we don’t realize the total capitulation of the local elected officials of small towns and villages in the USA  to their corporate take over by Wal-Mart….We’re saying  goodbye to Mom and Pop and welcoming “work ’till you drop”  non-union minimum wage retail dictatorships into our crumbling society to wage war on the fabric of middle class America. This is like “American Pie.. home made in Shanghai!” 

We are idiots if we don’t start throwing away 50 of our favorite credit cards and start paying for stuff with that long lost commodity …cash..!!

What happens when you start doing this is strange …as it actually makes money becomes worth something more than a signature again.

New industries will arise like “Plastic Withdrawal Clinics”. 

Using cash will kill infomercials featuring things like the “still dead” Billy May and all those Brits with weird accents and dust sucking tubes…all that will be gone forever…replaced by reruns of actual shows where actors and writers and directors got paid for being brilliant instead of imitation housewives getting paid for being incredulous when confronted with a state of the art sponge mop!   

We are idiots if any one of us listen to John McCain as he tries to make the Internet into a love fest for the corporations ….John McCain… there’s a great pasture just waiting for you in Arizona..its full of bullshit which we believe you know a great deal about…just as you know so little about the internet and what it stands for…. like uninterrupted 24/7  porn and this blog….**some find an  interesting  parallel in these 2 examples of our web freedoms.

And in closing …some say we’ve been a little harsh on General McChrystal.. the bullet headed general guy in Afghanistan who tried to sandbag the President on new troop deployments to that f^&*@! up country. Well we must’ve been psychic!!  Seems this general is a little bent!  He was the general who signed the paperwork giving  fallen soldier and ex NFL star Tillman the Silver Star.  You cannot be given a Silver Star for being shot at and killed by your own army. Tillman was shot and killed by his own army. The general knew ..everyone knew ..but to save embarrassment the general signed the Silver Star approval anyway. He’s a right-winged shill left over from the Bush-Crap! In signing this approval he is a man NOT to be trusted in any way with the lives or the operational decisions of the American military. He should be replaced immediately with a new pristine Obama chosen military commander who will not be swayed by a bunch of people, now out of office, who couldn’t win a war… let alone manage the  budget of the richest country in the world ….or get information out of prisoners without reading ”Water Boarding and Electric Shock Treatment to the Balls For Dummies” by Dick Cheney with a forward by Liz !

Of course some on the right would say only a bunch of idiots would read anything this blog writes about. So to the bunch of idiots who do still read this and smile from time to time and I’ve heard in angry agreement sometimes.. we salute you and tell you, you’ll soon be able to read the blog on our new website …where we sell T-Shirts and naked pictures of Glen Beck when he was a Chippendale Dancer in Orange County….until they fired him for stuffing zucchini’s in his thong.

“BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS!!!”

Sarah Palin’s influence is a tempest in a tea bag…

Sarah Palin’s influence has all the power of a Richard Simmons’ male bonding seminar .

The Tea Bag phenom is a corporate plot using the art of “Palinology” on the stupid.

Sarah Palin’s popularity is as overrated as Liz Cheney’s hair stylist.

Sarah Palin’s popularity is as inflated as Dennis Millers original career was.

I just had sex with my text…I got bitter at my Twitter…and my shrink told me to face down my Face Book.

It’s a day after Halloween and I’m still chasing sugar rush kids around my yard dressed as ”Balloon Boy” and Liz Cheney as “Bride of Frankenstein.”

I just set my clocks back an hour and had two cups of coffee to make up for it.

I looked out my window and saw a large crow taking a crap on my Sunday New York Times and I was instantly reminded of Anne Coulter.

Pulling our troops out of Afghanistan and Iraq is a great idea we’re gonna need ‘em to fight armed tea baggers. 

Best thing for the Democraps is to let the GOP filibuster the reform bill so we can  have a ”Last Boring Old White Republican Guys Standing ” show.  

I feel so good about the economy I went to Taco Bell and laughed in their faces at their dollar menu.

I feel so good about the direction of the economy I had the tires inflated on my mobile home.

I feel so good about the economy I drove past “Ross Dress For Less” and gave them the finger!   

I feel so good about the economy when they repossessed my Dodge Caravan I felt liberated!

I feel so good about the economy I had my dog repaired.

I feel so good about the economy I sold my wife to an Arabian Prince so I can pay down the AMX card ..they’ve been calling and calling ..those 32% interest bastards.

I feel so good about the economy I went to Wal-Mart and told them I’d  bought an Italian shirt at Neiman Marcus.

I feel so good about the economy when one of my kids asked me for a loan  I said..”As soon as I get a roof over my head… I’ll think about it!”

I feel so good about the economy I went to the Gas Station and… in a fit of joy… filled up the gas tank!

I feel so good about the economy I go to banks and watch people making withdrawals with getting jealous.

“So what is China…?”

China is a hugely successful Communist/Socialist  country …..that’s what China is.!! Where do we buy most of our “stuff” from today??? A Communist/Socialist Country called China…!!

Rush and the gang of insane zombies from the right call Obama a Socialist and Communist….so are they actually calling Obama ”hugely successful” without knowing it?

Jeb Bush just came out  and accused Obama of “attacking capitalism!”……….Hmmmmm…His stupid brother attacked our monetary system …our school systems … our constitution…other countries.. and our intelligence for 8 years!

We don’t need to be more like China because we already are more like China..go check the labels in your clothes and the stickers on everything else including the America flags you’re flying.

As far as consumers are concerned we are a Chinese satellite right now. Of course if you want to buy an Italian shirt go to Neiman Marcus they have them on sale for $500.

So there’s a great deal to be said for a one party system where the corrupt amongst us are put to death by friggin’ firing squads.

So here’s what we propose ..let the Republican party.. who tried to take away “our freedoms” for 8 long disgusting years… eat its young!! Let the GOP become such a minority party of racist bigots and tea baggers that it shrivels up and starts to look like Glen Beck’s pecker attempting  arousal at the thought of a Sarah Palin interview with both of them in high heels….

Let America become a one party socialist country that puts all its corrupt politicians, insurance executives and Wall Street people against a wall and shoots the lot of them into kingdom come which would take at least three months and a lot of ammunition.

Let’s tell China to go stick its Communist head up a dead bears butt… and start making everything we buy in America again.

The country would immediately be put back to work….we wouldn’t have to have stupid expensive elections and have to listen to Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich’s bullshit  and we could send Dennis Miller to the Utah salt mines.

Yes its a great idea …..Let’s “attack Capitalism and beat the daylights out of it!! “  It sure isn’t working for most of us right now.

Obama for Supreme Leader!!…One big socialist party that isn’t …

—————————————————————————————-

INTERESTING FACTOIDS.

Independent Joe Lieberman is about as independent as a Fox news story.

Joe Lieberman’s wife says that her working for Big Pharma is not influencing his decision to kill health care reform he’s  always been a back stabbing , money hungry, arrogant, publicity seeking little weasel.

Afghanistan called Vietnam with Turbans.

Obama says he won’t be sending more troops to Afghanistan …he needs them here for the war on Fox News.

Southern Republican senators vote against extending unemployment benefits while being fully employed and against the Health care reform bill while being fully covered and voting against everything else while being fully corporate loving corrupt ass-wipes!

Hate Crime bill passes ..Pat Robertson goes ballistic and tries to speak to God who puts him on hold.

***EDITORS NOTE

It was pointed out to me that in Paul Shaffer’s new book he mentions I am one of the producers of comedy that came from Canada and made a big impact on American television. This appears to lump me with Canadians as a Canadian. I could not be more upset by this implication. While I lived and worked in Canada for 8 years, I never learned to play hockey, I only know six words in French and I think Lorne Michael’s hairstylings are really still very 90’s. I was born in England where I became a very annoying child writing about my parents being small-minded Empiricists. I was brought up in Australia where I learned how ”couth ” was an ugly word. Slapstick humor to the Aussies was sustaining a serious injury and laughing through it. By the time I got to Canada I was an uncouth lout and I punched and maimed my way to the top. In Canada I learned gentility and wearing layers.  I have 2 Canadian Children and they have never forgiven me.

“LET’S DECLARE WAR ON WAR!”

Does this make any sense.?

General McChrystal and the American Military are losing young American lives everyday in a hideous non-ending war against a highly energized heavily armed insurgency in a country where we don’t belong.

A country that has a completely corrupt criminal government and a country where a great deal of its people treat Americans as “occupiers!”

“We’re fighting them over there because we don’t want them to come here”…has been the continuous cry! 

How are those guys gonna get here? …Princess Cruises?..Have you had a good look at the Taliban?  They’d stick out like a sore thumb on any form of public or private transportation. Some of them would be taking off their shoes at airports for the first time in years.

The terrorists maybe be out there ..but they’re not wearing Kalishnakovs as fashion statements, they’re at Nordstrom trying to look like you and I. ..and they’re probably living in a three bedroom apartment in Newhall.

More than that they’re probably pissed of Iraqi’s with giant chips because the Bush Brigade blew up their grandmothers and their kids. .. or Saudi’s who just really don’t like the way we allow women to wear bras and kiss in public.  

But seriously folks…we hear yesterday for instance that Karzai’s brother one of the biggest dope dealers in Afghanistan is on the payroll of the CIA. ..The CIA!!  So we’re paying our tax dollars to pay for drug dealers and the continuing killing and maiming of young Americans with no end in sight and cries for even more troops to get over there and be ground into dust!..

Does this make any sense when here at home we have a bunch of  rigtht wing senators and congress-people.. hell-bent on stopping the American people  from staying alive in their own country due to their complete disregard for the will of the people and in regard to their own pocketbooks and personal safety?

This America is as corrupt as that Afghanistan…that make sense. But it’s just plain insane isn’t it? 

Where the #$%! is our outrage again.?.

We are so friggin’ indolent that we just seem to let Rachel and Keith be the only 2 people on the planet who yell and scream at the top of their brave independent voices on television…and the rest is left to the bloggers and the Glen Greenwald’s and Huffington’s and Buzz Flash’s and Media Matter’s of the world.

We just keep eating the processed food…the chemically enhanced red meat from the cruelty of the corporate animal factories and smile at the machinations of a society in crisis like it’s all gonna get better if we just sit on our fat asses and watch the glaciers melting on NAT -GEO!

Lets trust in God!!   Here’s a news flash…God has moved on to other planets ….this one is #$%!!

If he sent Jesus back right now ….Rush Limbaugh would take one look at him and say:  I’ve said this many times but wearing the clothes of a terrorist for Halloween is a deplorable and sick act that only a socialist would do to frighten  our children and their pets!

AND ON OTHER MATTERS THAT DON’T MAKE SENSE!

Levi Johnston says no truth in the rumor about his PlayGirl nude pose being cut!

Levi Johnston says he’s a few inches from closing his own tell all book deal!

 When she heard that Levi was going to reveal some dirt on her ..Sarah Palin said she could see a large Italian guy named Carmine from her house! 

A new reality show in the works … ” Housewives of the David Letterman Show”   

David Letterman has denied having affairs with most of production staffs in New York.

Joe Lieberman has been stripped of his sense of decency.

Joe Lieberman.. in an amazing turn of events even he cannot explain… today stabbed himself in the back.

Joe Lieberman has just been found under a huge pile of bribes.!!

The staff of the Carnegie Deli  and some liberal Rabbi’s just said:  “Joe Lieberman is NOT good for the Jews!” 

There’s more but we have to go to the shrink!!

“THE FIGHT FOR THE RIGHT TO BE REALLY RIGHT!”

 

 

Ladies and gentlemen..” Let’s get ready to rumble !”

It looks like the featherweight championship for the soul of the Republican Party is about to heat up.

Let’s get one thing straight here between the two factions…a follower of either faction can never utter the word “moderate” without  having a heavily armed tea bagging militia unit coming to their home and at least defecating on their front lawn.

 Now we’ll  break it down as we see it happening in up state New York in the Rights right to fight  the Right… in its embryonic opening rounds.

First ….you’ve got your Newt people. 

If you’re a “Newtie” you hate taxes and big government , you’re against gay marriage and Obama is a socialist swine who doesn’t “deserve” to be President . You want Americans to be ‘exceptionalists’ and to attack small disparate  countries with our massive fire power rather than start to negotiate. You will go on Fox news and you will say anything that makes you appear to love God and Jesus and you will shake your head and say “Health Care reform is the work of Satan.” You will be a completely unreasonable SOB on anything that doesn’t get you money for relection.

If you’re a “Palinist” It’s all of the above but includes nuclear attacks on Iran and MSNBC.

The ever-increasing strident tone from the various purveyors of  Conservative doctrines are fast-food for thought!

Fox News is the ‘comfort food’ for the Right’s most extreme philosophies and as presented as ‘Fox real news ” it has won the hearts and minds of the mindless and the heartless! 

It would be extremely funny to witness this uncivil war between extremist hypocritical bigots and hopeless liars …grandstanding around… vying for the trust and votes of the politically impaired….but humor leaves the building when one realizes that this kind of philosophy is still so annoyingly rampant in a seemingly enlightened country.

It’s a sorry state of affairs when there are two factions actually arguing the same merits of  the debunked and totally corrupt theories  that the Republicans, under the Bush administration, perpetrated on this beautiful country and its “moderate’ people. 

Yes “Newties” and “Palinists”  and all the rest of you “McConnellisers” ..you are living in a  ‘moderate” country. You may want to shore up the  baseness of your base.. but if you’re going to win any kind of plurality you’re not going to do it by condoning the arming of militias, the hateful pilloring of minorities, excluding  gay people from the right to marry,  stopping everyone in the country from having the right to  health care and telling us all we have to believe in your version of a blue-eyed blonde haired Jesus and a God that doesn’t heart Muslims.

This ain’t in the cards for the future of an America which is on its march to change what ever you narrow framed crazy assed traitorous fools and Dennis Miller lovers think!

The birthrate is against you big time…. Have you seen the amount of  pregnant Hispanic lesbians lately?

Hi Daily McCainers

Hi Daily McCainers;

This is the new improved way that I’m getting my rocks off. It will grow and even have photos that might make you puke.

 

Please feel free to post your comments.

 

Yours in a new form of government and new beginnings.

 

Chris Bearde

DAILY McCain 9.21.08

 

 

 

AARP has a movement in the works with the slogan: “ We’re all not as stupid as McCain”

 

 

Due to the economic situation McCain’s campaign today went into foreclosure.

 

 

Obama has stopped campaigning to allow McCain more room to make an ass of himself.

 

 

Sarah Palin due to her local popularity tanking… last night fired the state of Alaska.  

 

 

**Also noted: Donald Trump sickened by the fact that he lost $160,000,000 plus tips last week fired everyone within a 5 mile radius of his house. 

 

 

Sarah Palin refused to take questions again today which pissed Bristol off because she lost the number of the baby sitter.  

 

 

The President Karzai of Afghanistan says the only reason he’s meeting Sarah Palin is ‘caus Cindy bought him a tall redhead and gave him a house.

 

 

British Banks have bought Lehman Brothers and other assets turning America back into one of Britain’s richest colonies.

 

 

McCain’s new television ad says: “Are you kidding me?..the man is black!!”

 

 

Palin was overheard saying “Wait ‘till we get in..there’s more than one way to skin a country”

 

 

Jay..I think its the rapture!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily McCain 9.22.08

 

McCain was given an honorary Emmy last night for best supporting presidential candidate in a Palin vice presidency.

 

McCain says he wants to “end corporate greed” so he could divorce some of it.

 

The unconcerned way McCain is treating the economic meltdown you’d think he had 9 houses and 13 cars.

 

McCain endorses the Bush plan to bail out Wall Street with tax payer’s money while pretending to be lucid.  

 

Today McCain agreed with himself and then denies he did and will now debate himself instead of Obama this Friday.  

 

Larry Flynt says McCain’s problem is like a sex change operation.. “You have your member cut off one day and the next day you want it sewn back on. 

 

Friday’s debate between Obama and McCain will separate the men from the Old Boys.

 

McCain’s became nervous when Palin asked him what color she should pick for the Lincoln bedroom.

 

McCain’s concerned about the planned duck hunting party with Cheney right after the inauguration.

 

Palin and Cheney are planning a Halloween party where the guests have to come as dressed as armament.

 

In Katie Couric’s CBS interview Palin is insisting on “best out of 3” in the arm wrestling segment.      

 

GEORGE JOHN & SARAH

 

 

 

Daily McCain 9.25.08

Dm 9.25.8.

 

 

McCain‘s suspension of his campaign and his flying back to Washington to “help America through a crisis” will have a musical score by John Williams

   

In making this bold move McCain looked Presidential for 30 seconds then reverted back to sock puppet.

  

McCain was just awarded “Stuntman of the Year Award.” for jumping out of a campaign with no parachute.

 

McCain’s health questioned again…his integrity suffered another relapse and is not expected to recover.

 

McCain in another bold move threatened to fire everyone he doesn’t like.

 

Bush offers fear of making Godzilla angry again as reasons to sign the bail out bill.

 

Bush, now an ineffective lame duck, threatened Congress with a visit from Barbara Bush and a bull whip unless they signed the bill.

 

McCain is attempting to postpone the Palin/Biden debate until after the elections.

 

Katie Couric’s interview with Sarah Palin was close captioned for the “red necked”.

 

Katie’s interview with Governor Palin proved Alaskan voters must smoke strong weed.

 

In Katie’s interview Palin said we could be heading towards a major depression….she based this assumption on what she was reading on the teleprompter.

 

Foreign Leaders meeting Palin said they: “liked the cute way she didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about.”

 

The Ukrainian leader said: “The only button she should get near is on a shirt”   

 

What is Palin hiding…did she failed foreign policy 101 or is she pregnant again?

 

 

 

EDITOR’S NOTE.

As GOP polls sink slowly in the West…we are reminded however that Dick Cheney is sitting in his bunker somewhere plotting to start a war, declare martial law and installing Sarah Palin as World Dominatrix….even if this doesn’t happen I’m writing the screenplay….and I’m getting excited!    

 

 

        

 

   

Daily McCain 9. 26. 08.

9.26.08

 

 

McCain took full responsibility today for stopping the bail out vote from happening

He said “Until I know what I’m talking about I will remain strong and uniformed.”

 

McCain is hoping for cancellation of the Vice Presidential debate until he tells Sarah

the economic plan he hasn’t thought up yet.

   

McCain began to get a serene look about him late tonight when he realized he was no longer of this planet.

 

McCain is accused of not suspending his campaign…Bill Clinton defending McCain said.. “It all depends on what suspend means”  

 

McCain won’t release his health report and said: I’m as healthy as my blood transfusions and the nightly Tequila and vitamin B 12 enema allow me to be.”

 

Commenting on the debate crisis Mr T said today “I pity the fool who suspends.”

 

Russians with binoculars said they can see Sarah Palin’s house..she isn’t around  but there’s a bunch of kids with guns and knives running all over the place.

 

Miss South Carolina will join the Palin foreign policy team to assist Sarah.. she joins The Great Kreskin, Marie Osmond and Goofy.

 

Katie Couric’s says that Palin’s comment: “Our next door neighbors are foreign countries” at least shows she has a sense of geography.

 

Trooper Gate advisories were confronted by Palin’s pastor today… he threw white powder on them and sacrificed a small rodent…he told them if they persisted in being evil to Palin he would turn them into a giant pile of Polar Bear shit.

 

Joe Biden is preparing for his debate with Palin by visiting Charles Gibson and Katie Couric currently recovering from their interviews in the psychiatric ward at Bellvue.

 

All doubt about Palin’s abilities to look like a stunned clueless uneducated uniformed inarticulate klutz were put to rest last night on CBS…if she doesn’t make VP she’s perfect for a Fox news anchor.

           

Some Republicans want McCain to replace Palin with a more intelligent and vastly more articulate popular figure with the looks of Schwarzenegger and the voice of the guy who does the Lexus commercials.

 

McCain attended a “laying on of hands” ceremony at Sarah’s church…Unfortunately

Sarah told him to lay his hands on the folks needing saving and not on her.

 

After hearing Palin on CBS the Joint Chiefs of Staff smoked a joint.                                     

 

 

Get your old ass out of town!

Daily McCain 9.27. 08

Dm 9.27 08

 

 

 

After last nights debate they’re calling McCain the leader of the “Nasty Party”

 

Republicans rejoiced last night that repeating the words “doesn’t understand” and “I’m a maverick” at the end of each sentence keeps John in the running with voters who like wind up toys.

 

John McCain’s excuse for appearing grumpy last night was that his underwear had crept uncomfortably up his butt crack.

 

It took 6 strong armed Republican goons to unlock McCain’s jaw

after the debate.

 

And doctors are still at work trying to remove his look of disgust and anger.

 

The reason McCain didn’t look at Obama?.. He put his contact lenses on inside out and he was looking at himself the whole time.

 

Obama wins points on the economy while McCain lost the notes he’d written on a napkin at Denny’s.

 

Sarah Palin says McCain won the election.

 

McCain came across like the grouch who had his momentum

stolen.

 

The debate was seen by 65,000,000 people and at least 3 of them still owned their homes.

 

If looks could kill it’s a good thing McCain didn’t take a peek at Obama.

 

Obama came across presidential and McCain came across as presidential if he were running for president of an anger management seminar. 

 

Obama looks cool and confident and McCain looked like he hated that

Obama looked cool and confident.

 

Although Biden was all over the networks Sarah Palin was being kept in the hermetically sealed “no comment” room high atop the Chrysler Building

 

A photo released by the McCain campaign defends Palin’s foreign policy knowledge by showing her pointing to “where Europe is on a map.”

 

The Vice Presidential debate committee will not be fooled if McCain keeps Palin under wraps and substitutes Joe Lieberman in drag.

  

Obama is way ahead in the “uppity” vote.

Nope-a-dope!!

 

Daily McCain 9.28.08

 McCain hasn’t read the revised melt down settlement yet as it has to be translated into Olde English.  

 

McCain has been accused of growling at a Gallup poll employee.  

 

McCain asked to star in “Grumpy Old Men 3.”Word has it that Cheney. Lieberman, Ashcroft, Rove, Kissinger, Wolfowitz, Greenspan and Rumsfeldwill play other grumpy old guys with serious erectile dysfunctions.

 

 

McCain is currently under a doctor’s care getting his bad taste out of his mouth

 

McCain’s temper tantrums have calmed down since his mom found his old teddy bear “Attila”.

 

 The Democrats have decided there’s gonna be no more “Mr. Nice Guy” …From now on Obama will be known as  “The Not So Mr. Nice Guy! 

 

Democrats have started to toughen Obama up and tomorrow he’ll be introduced to his new manager of communications….Mike Tyson.

 

A RUMORED REPORT.

It seems that McCain lost his mind during the melt down crisis. He became Broccoli… his loyal staff went ape shit when they realized Broccoli can’t pay them!  

 

 

The real John McCain has now admitted he’s clinically insane. Most Republicans think this is just what the country needs in a President.

 

“Wipe Out” Magazine has named John McCain as “The American Most Likely to Kill Millions of Us”

 

After McCain said: “I love the veterans and they love me…” there was this giant sucking sound of veterans blowing chunks.

 

Palin’s pastor, after being sequestered in his bathroom for a week, revealed today that Joe Biden is a son of a witch!

 

Sarah said she’s distanced herself from her Pastor but will sacrifice a duck before facing Joe. 

 

Dick Cheney has been prepping Sarah for her big debate…after they compared shotguns Dick taught her how to attack defenseless little countries with oil reserves.

 

The Trooper Gate Scandal got more serious yesterday when a lawyer for the defense had to go home to have lunch.

 

Several Foreign ministers refrained from meeting Sarah on their recent American visit when they found out she doesn’t kiss on a first date.

 

McCain seeing that most people say Obama won the debate has decided to pull another grand standing stunt by changing into a Leprechaun.

 

McCain trying to distance himself from George Bush has asked him to change his name to Marvin. 

 

 

Due to the meltdown Bush has started regressing…he was seen on the White House Lawn yesterday riding a tricycle.  

 

 

 

What's this "chicks with dicks" thing?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily McCain 9.30.08

D m 9 30. 08

 

 

When a tough old granny said their president is a weak blithering incompetent fool…The Republicans rose as one person and pouted!    

 

Its part of the Republican creed when the truth hurts …sulk!

 

McCain blamed Obama for the vote against the bailout and Chinese tainted milk.

 

Also today McCain blamed his mother for making him.

 

Also today McCain blamed the press for Hurricane Ike and then an hour later withdrew the blame and re-blamed Obama.

 

McCain and Palin went on CBS last night and explained Pakistan to each other.

 

The McCain campaign is not hiding Palin from the press but from Alaskan process servers.

 

Di Nero has announced that in his next movie he will copy McCain’s authentic condescending smirk and his utter contempt look.

 

Padin has crammed Joe Biden’s 20 years experience in foreign policy decisions into a quick study weekend at John and Cindy’s. She expects to win points on barbecue and poker.

 

In the debate Palin plans to go on the offensive by attacking the English language.

 

Sarah is being told there are g’s at the end of some words she’ll be using like annihilatin’.. carpet bombin’ and invadin’!!

 

Joe Biden’s strategy is to bring a map and ask Palin where she is on it. 

Waiting for McGodot!

Daily McCain 10. 2. 08.

 

 

 

McCain’s current mood makes some call campaign “The Straight Jacket Express.”

 

 

The McCain claim that Venezuela is in The Middle East now verified by Sarah Palin.

 

 

Cindy McCain denies Palin’s “Ms. Six Pack” description is product placement.

 

 

As McCain becoming more agitated the press think of wearing flack jackets.

 

 

McCain might break a chair over Obama’s head says a concerned Jerry Springer.

 

 

Palin to look Presidential at debate by wearing a John F. Kennedy mask.  

 

 

Katie Couric commenting on Sarah said: “A mind is a terrible thing to lose just before an election”

 

 

Although Palin can’t remember more than one Supreme Court decision in a close election she may be part of another.

 

 

Nobody in their right mind thinks Sarah Palin would make a great president.. but then again McCain isn’t in his right mind.    

 

 

What a ticket The Old and the Beautiful.

 

 

If McCain gets in will Cindy be second lady?

 

 

 

Glug Glug...McCain now vote

 

 

   

       

Daily McCain 10.3 .08

10. 3. 08.

 

THE  DEBATE.

 

Last night American saw its future… Dick Cheney with breasts.

 

 

Katie Couric  is convinced an evil twin showed up last night.

 

 

Does America want stop capture animation a heart beat away from the presidency?

 

 

Sarah Palin managed to get through the entire debate without breathing.

 

 

McCain sent congratulations from Michigan where he was getting the deposit back on his campaign headquarters.

 

 

Palin answered her own questions and won that part of the debate.

 

 

The first debate polls show Joe Biden looked presidential and Sarah Palin looked residential.  

 

 

Sarah Palin passed her audition last night and will be Regis Philbin’s next co host.

 

 

Comments ranged from: “Great if you like Desperate Housewives ”

 

 

Palin’s performance last night saw Diabetics all over the country shooting up.

 

 

Bill Clinton said: “Palin’s a chocolate candy. I wanted to press her to see if she had a soft center”

 

 

McCain was so pleased with Palin’s performance he’s decided to let her lie for him.

 

 

Joe Biden had all his facts straight …Sarah Palin had all her facts inserted into her head by electronic sensors.

 

 

Palin says she’s not answering any more questions for the press but she will take questions from Alex Trebeck.

 

 

QUOTED REPEAT LINES:  

 

Palin scored with 134 “Mavericks”, 230 “American Peoples” while Biden countered with  234 “Old farts”and 347” Possible Alzheimer’s.”

 

 

The creators of Tweety Bird are suing.

 

 

Americans looked at the two people on stage last night and decided that 30 years experience beats operating a snow blower.

 

 

A fast talking -folksy- know it all attitude combined with cute little insincere winks made men polled say Sarah reminded them of wives they recently divorced.

 

 

Republicans say Palin is perfect… she likes all the Bush policies but doesn’t have Barbara Bush as a mother.

 

 

Hillary Clinton said “ She would’ve done better in a pant suit with a surprise appearance by Steve Martin”

 

 

Jesus says Joe is dog meat!

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

Daily McCain 10.6.08

10 .6.08

 

 

GLOVES OFF ADS.

McCain’s accusations about Obama having a tail and being a terrorist leather queen with bubonic plague were verified today by Fox News and Palin’s pastor.

 

McCain wants to “turn the page” on the financial crisis and get down to the serious business of telling America that Obama is actually the spawn of Beelzebub.    

 

 

McCain readies himself for the next debate by attempting to look at black people.

 

 

Palin draws big crowd a Home Depot where she was offered the job of branch manager.

 

 

Ominous rumors talk about Cheney buying Palin a pair of jack boots.

 

 

 

John McCain’s health care plan includes not releasing his medical records.

 

 

John McCain’s economic plan is still missing and believed to be in a locker at Grand Central Station.

 

 

Sarah Palin has been voted the vice presidential candidate most men would like to have vice with.

 

 

Sarah Palin will be a wink away from the White House.

 

 

 

Joe Biden was the only person in the debate who wasn’t running for President.

 

 

 

CHINESE PROVERB.

Being cute and winking at guys does not entitle one to be vice president but can get audition at Peppermint Rhino.

 

 

Even when McCain tells the truth now it sounds sleazy.

 

 

Palin confirmed today that Dinosaurs and people lived together at the same time and they made great pets.

 

 

 

McCain’s charisma is currently under intensive care and doctors don’t expect it to live.

 

 

 

Palin has bravely offered to give him a charisma transfusion but doctors say the insincerity will kill it.      

 

 

   

 

 

The Fox Special on the economy was going to be hosted by Bill O’Reilly but he had to be tranquilized after trying to shut Barney Frank up.

 

 

 

Palin warns comics…“When I’m president you make fun of me and you’ll be playin’ Igloos for scale.

 

 

When asked if when she’s president she might declare Martial Law to pacify an angry public? Palin replied “I’d like to consult with Marshall on that one”   

       

 

 

My friends..are you outthere?

Daily McCain 10. 7. 08

10.7.08.

 

SLEAZE AND SLIME.    

 

Tonight’s debate is moderated by Tom Brokaw who

some say is John McCain’s bitch.

 

 

McCain to claim he thought he was using his influence to help the JACKSON 5.

     

 

Reports confirm McCain will wink at the audience tonight and try to sound Alaskan.

 

 

Rush Limbaugh knows McCain will win the debate 

even if he doesn’t.

 

 

Cindy McCain says she’d like to see a sane McCain show up tonight and if anyone can find one let her know.    

 

 

McCain being coached in how to look relaxed when he knows he’s dog meat.

 

 

McCain’s negative attack ads are working on people who don’t usually close their mouths unless they have to.

 

 

During the debate McCain is calling on Sarah Palin’s pastor to make Obama start talking in Swahili.

 

 

 

McCain will be in a different mood tonight he’s expected to go all the way from grumpy to terminally morose.

 

 

 

Obama to bring up Palin’s pastor. He is currently presiding over a reggae and virgin sacrifice festival in the Bahamas.

 

 

 

Palin’s husband leaves right after the debate to attend “The Annual Nome Line Dance and Wolf Slaughter” charity drive.

 

 

 

Palin has been chosen as a center fold for “Guns and Ammo”

 

 

 

Cindy McCain, now in the background, was bumped from the Straight Talk Express and had to call a cab.

 

 

 

Cindy McCain has been seen having secret lunches with intelligent women.

 

 

We don’t want to say anything but Cindy’s been seen crying in her beer.

 

 

Palin wears high heels so she can see over her piles of horse shit.

 

 

Hillary Clinton is a woman in politics and Sarah Palin is a woman in denial.         

 

 

Palin’s ego is only surpassed by her visions of

Nuclear holocaust

 

 

Mr T says “I pity the fool who wants to blow my ass up!”

 

What do you mean?..this is my happy face!

 

 

 

 

  

     

 

   

  

 

    

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

     

 

 

   

 

 

 

   

Daily McCain 10/8/08

10 .8.08

 

DEBATE VAUDEVILLE SPECIAL

 

MUSICAL CUE: PLAY ON

 

CB COMES OUT WITH BIG YELLOW SHOES AND A PROPELLER BEANIE

 

Good morning ladies and germs…A funny thing didn’t happened at the debate last night…. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

It was about as much fun as watching a pajama sale on HSN.

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain clarifies his “that one” comment saying : “What I meant to say was “The Darkie!”

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain looked like he was playing all the parts in a remake of “12 Angry Men”

BAROOMBOM!

 

Last night it was Obama versus “The Night Stalker!”

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain looked like he’d over donated at the blood bank.

BAROOMBOM!

 

The last time I saw a face like McCain’s… it had a hook in it!!

BAROOMBOM!!

 

Don’t stop me now….!!

 

It looked like one of the 7 Dwarfs got out and it wasn’t Bashful….

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain looked like he was suppressing a fart. ** Attributed to Joe Klein.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Somebody had to wake Tom Brokaw up during a McCain answer that didn’t even make sense to McCain.

 BAROOMBOM!

 

Obama looked cool comfortable…McCain look like he wanted to be in the Bahamas.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Sean Connery said Obama was shaken but not stirred.

BAROOMBOM!

 

We’re not saying McCain looked up tight but his suit looked like it was wearing him.

BAROOMBOM!

 

We’re not saying McCain looked up tight but a smile was not his umbrella.

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain refused to shake Obama’s hand at the end of the debate ..he forgot his anti bacterial wipes!

BAROOMBOM!

 

When McCain cracked a joke that went over like a lead balloon he blamed Dennis Miller.

BAROOMBOM!

 

When McCain seemed to look at Obama….he was actually looking for an exit.

BAROOMBOM!

 

At the end McCain shook hands with Tom Brokaw and told Obama to go fuck himself.

BAROOMBOM!

 

We’re not saying that McCain lacks tact but he blew it when he told the black guy

“You probably thought Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were members of the Staple Singers.”

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

When asked what she thought of the debate Sarah Palin said: “He should’ve had highlights”

BAROOMBOM!

 

But seriously folks!!!!

 

Sarah Palin will be back on the campaign trial tomorrow inciting angry villagers with pitch forks to attack Saturday Night Live and rip Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey new assholes.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

McCain left right after the debate and went to his “private screaming room”

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

When asked where they was going after the debate Cindy said ..We have to stay in Nashville tonight so I bought a house.

BAROOMBOM.

 

 

These are these jokes folks!!

 

 

Dick Cheney called Sarah Palin right after the debate and told her that McCain’s nasty accident

will take place on a Wednesday afternoon soon.

BAROOMBOM!

 

The only thing that can save the Republicans is martial law.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Biden ran into John and said “I know John McCain and senator you’re no John McCain”

BAROOMBOM!

 

I got a million of ‘em!!!

 

What other show have you stared at tonight??    *** Attributed to Carrot Top

 

Mattell will bring out the Sarah doll next month it comes with a pit bull, a shotgun and a hidden agenda.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 Sir…wake your wife up and pull up her panties ..there are perverts in the house!! **Attributed to Redd Foxx.

 

“I just flew in from Vegas and boy are my arms tired!” ** Attributed to Isiah. 5.9.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Thank you folks ..I’ll see you in the lobby ..I got DVD’s and a picture of me with David Zucker before he had his

sense of humor removed.

 

“Should’ve  picked you Joe you’ve got

balls the size of New England!”

 

Daily McCain 10 .8. 08

10 9 08.

 

*Note:

As this is the day of atonement please accept congratulations for actually having a day like this!

 

And now back to the election farce!!

 

Cindy McCain slimes Obama policies and does simultaneous product placement for Versace and Farigamo

 

 

Palin was in high end Ross Dress for Less and even higher stiletto heels.

 

 

There’s nothing like having a millionaire wife with 10 un-foreclosed houses speaking for the middle class! 

 

 

Hugh Heffner says that McCain standing between 2 chicks with no credentials is copying his gig.       

 

   

The only recession Cindy will ever see is in John’s poll numbers.

 

 

John should explained why he left the debate early…Obama had given him the shits.

 

 

Mr. Blackwell made an early prediction this week saying  “Sarah Palin looked about as presidential as Pamela Anderson after a night on the town with Tommy Lee.”

    

 

 

When Obama won the debate the top of Sean Hannity’s head blew off.. Hannity was rushed to a hospital where the doctors had a hard time locating any intelligence.

 

 

McCain’s debate answers were so boring they will be used in tests to calm stud horses.

 

 

After a Republican columnist calls Sarah Palin a terminal disease Sarah had a crowd riot… rip him to pieces and fed to rabid dogs.  John McCain said : “I’m John McCain and I approve those rabid dogs.”

 

 

Palin’s crowds are starting to ask for arm bands swastikas and marching orders.

 

 

Palin will be at Doubleday to sign the just re- released  black leather bound edition of “Mien Kampf”

 

 

Palin defying her critics said she’s ready to become president or dictator… if that’s what the American people want her to be.

   

 

McCain calls crowd his” fellow prisoners” Palin said “He didn’t mean you guys he meant them darn Peaceniks.”

 

 

Steve Schmitt says McCain will try a new shock tactic this week… he will bite the heads off live chickens.

     

 

Psychiatrist’s  say  Palin’s high heels and short skirts are causing young Republicans to skip Bund meetings and spend more time behind locked bathroom doors.

 

**TRUTH.

An extreme right wing religious group is praying for God to “Smite McCain” if he gets elected…Sarah Palin has condemned this as an act of irresponsibility but with some merit to it.

 

The Sheriff in Florida who used Obama’s middle name when introducing Palin, has been reprimanded and  given a much smaller gun.

 

Palin visited the Sheriff hugged him meaningfully and told him if she gets to be president he can have an even bigger gun than his other big gun. The Sheriff was then taken to sex addiction rehab where he met David Ducoveny who took his gun away and replaced it with valium and green tea.   

EDITOR’S NOTE:

People have been hesitant to say that the reason polls are still close is that Obama is a big tall intelligent  black man…and this doesn’t go down with many Americans….…. and there are other people who are hesitant to say that Sarah Palin is a dangerously unhinged vindictive lunatic fringe trailer trash ditzoid who actually has the audacity and pumped up ego to think she’s ready to run this  country.                                                    

 So I’m saying it.. Obama is a black man!

 

I can

 ”I can’t get that winking out of my mind!!”

 

 

 

Daily McCain 10.10.08.

10.10.08

 

McCain caused a stir today when he called Obama a “thing”

 

Next debate Obama wants to confront McCain mano to old mano  

 

Cindy’s outrage seems a little fake.. How pissed can you be when you have a milk bath every night.   

 

 

NEWS FLASH!!

Sarah Palin has found herself not guilty of all Alaskan wrong doing…she taped herself congratulating herself and then celebrated victory by buying herself lunch.   

 

NEWS FLASH!!

However Palin did abuse power in Alaska and is now abusing the rest of America.     

 

NEWS FLASH!!

McCain says he stands by Palin’s side on the abuse of power and Obama!

 

NEWS FLASH

A crazed Palin incited crowd abused a journalist for reporting her abuse of power.

      

NEWS FLASH!!

McCain accuses Obama of being inexperienced about the abuse of power.  

 

 

When asked to comment Judge Judy said: “I’d put her and the first dude in handcuffs ..but they’d get off on that!”  

 

 

Albert Gonzalez offered his services if she wanted any Alaskan prosecuting attorneys fired. 

 

 

Palin said: “I don’t give a rat’s ass what those pesky little

prosecutors say.. ‘caus I’m gonna be president don’t cha know!”

 

 

Alaskan’s want to run Palin out of town on a rail but she’s never in town.

 

 

Sarah’s involved with a party that wants to get out of the United States..so why don’t they just leave and take her with them!

 

 

The stock market fell another 600 points which is a little less than Palin’s current polling numbers

 

 

Reports say Republican women are “crazy screaming hate filled bitches” at Palin rallies and this is why she’s so popular with men.. “she got them bitches out of the house.”

 

 

John McCain corrected his figures regarding relieving the mortgage crisis.. he forgot to add the tip.

 

OMINOUS RUMOR.

Big oil companies have been heard calling Palin: “You’re Drill-ness’…

 

 

We’re not saying she has visions of grandeur but she’s already picked out the orb and scepter for her coronation.

 

 

What she lacks in intellect she makes up in lack of depth.

 

 

She’s being fitted with new glasses because her perceptions are so out of focus.  

 

 

She’s had a complete makeover so at least she can make a fashion statement that makes some sense.

 

 

She spends at least two hours in the makeup room…learning her lines and hiding the other ones.

 

 

The Palin Newsweek cover is less than flattering ..But it’s made up for by the article inside which is less than that.

 

 

Bringing renewed confidence to his faltering credibility McCain today named Ronald McDonald as his choice for food and drug tsar.

 

 

***A LAME DUCK RUN***

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Dick Cheney took a shot at him.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Barbara Bush isn’t returning his calls.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck other lame ducks make fun of him.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck the thesaurus lists his name under “irrelevant”.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck nobody impersonates him any more.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck the Crawford Gift Store went out of business.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Keith Olberman took his name of the hate list.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Josh Brolin denies he played him.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck he invaded Iran and nobody knew.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck a Wal-Mart greeter didn’t greet him.

 

 

Oh Sarah..Oh Sarah…

Oh Sarah..Oh Sarah !!

Daily McCain 10. 11. 08.

10.11.08

 

 

McCain’s “ hate crowds”  boo his softer side … to get them back he’ll have to  go on  the Rachel Maddow show and  punch her out.

 

McCain shocked when his crowds recently changed from tank tops and shorts to brown shirts and jack boots.  

 

Palin says give it time …the sex and violence ticket will work like it did for The Marquis De Sade.

 

Palin accuses bipartisan Alaskan Legislature of abuse of power and of being non- bipartisan and bi-sexual.

 

Palin sent an angry mob to the Alaskan Legislature… who didn’t quite understand her orders to “Burn down the Reichstag!”

 

Same sex marriage approval caused Palin to send an angry mob to the Connecticut Legislature to “Burn down the faggot Reichstag!”

 

She sent an angry mob to China to find the Foo Fighters who nixed McCain’s use of  “My Hero”…when the angry mob found the group was not Chinese they became even angrier.

 

When Eric Clapton’s song “I Shot the Sheriff” was changed to: “I Shot the Trooper” he sent an angry mob of A&R people to a Palin rally but they were captured and barbecued.

 

An angry Palin mob started burning copies of the terrorist book manual   “Jayne Ayres”

 

 

Palin attended a ground breaking ceremony yesterday for the brand new “Homicidal Maniacs and American Thugs and Morons For Palin” building”… Also present were the “Women Who Have Lost Their Minds Society” and “The Jews For Jesus but Maybe Not” group.

 

 

When Palin heard she might be a possible Manchurian candidate she laughed and said: “I’m from the great state of Alaska but I love New Englanders”

 

Palin accused of melding church and state in Alaska ..Jesus has refused to come back for the subpoena.

 

GEORGE BUSH TIME.

 

Bush calls 411 every day to see if they’ve found the weapons of mass destruction yet.

 

The women’s Olympic volley ball team has asked Bush to stop the heavy breathing calls.

  

 

 

         “Laura’s not home Tuesdays!” 

    

 

 

        

 

   

Daily McCain 10. 13. 08.

10. 13. 08.

 

When McCain said he’ll “whip Obama’s ass” he was sued for plagiarism by the author of “Mandingo.”

 

McCain defending Palin said :“What’s a little abuse? when she abuses Obama the crowds go berserk.   

  

McCain and Palin continued on their blitzkrieg across America inciting people to discover their inner ignorance.

 

A very angry Palin mob attacked a less than angry Palin mob yesterday.

 

Palin was sent out ahead at a rally in the South yesterday to prevent the crowd from painting themselves blue dancing around a giant fire and sacrificing an Ox

 

When Palin was booed by an angry hockey crowd in Philly she told people:

“See I don’t even have to say anything any more and mobs get angry!”

 

When she was told they were angry at her… she blamed her makeup and hair people.

 

When told the boo’s were because she’s a dumb person she blamed books.

 

When people started throwing beer cans at her she blamed recycling.

 

Fox news showed the clip but edited the booing and replaced it with a clip of Sean Hannity drooling.

 

There’s a report out saying Sean Hannity goes to confession twice a day and it’s all about Sarah!!

 

McCain defended Palin’s extremist religious beliefs by saying “When she speaks in tongues, rolls around on the floor and kisses snakes she’s making diplomatic contact with the Mud People of Northern Sudan and the Ozzie Osborne family.”

 

McCain says he has a new economic plan and then says he doesn’t… he also can’t decide what to wear at the Halloween party; a purple hippo outfit or his disgusting uptight old gnome thing.

 

HALLOWEEN PREVIEW PARTY PREVIEW:

Cindy McCain was awarded first prize as Vampira and she wasn’t even in costume!

BAROOMBOM!

 

Palin went to the same party as an angel with 2 extreme right wings!!

BAROOMBOM!

  

Sean Hannity went to the party disguised as himself and won “best impression of imbecilic blather”   

BAROOMBOM!  

 

Karl Rove went to the party dressed as a scarecrow and didn’t scare anyone anymore!

BAROOMBOM!

 

George Bush went to the party as a lame duck and didn’t even qualify for the booby prize.

BAROOMBOM!

  

Bill & Hillary went to the party as a bunch of sour grapes.

BAROOMBOM

 

I’m not saying these jokes are old folks….but Methuselah used them for toilet paper!!

 

Rachel Maddow , Ellen Degeneres and Rosie went as The Pep Boys!

BAROOMBOM!

 

Paris Hilton went as Claridges!

BAROOMBOM

 

Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly were so authentic as cockroaches.. they sent for Western Exterminator.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger went as an actual human being with a sense of humor and was disqualified.

BAROOMBOM!   

 

**DISCLAIMER

I did not personally think of these jokes… they were channeled through Shecky Green.. who some of the more mature of you will remember said that immortal line:  “I see funny dead people”.

 

Shecky is the only comic to ever claimed that Jesus was a stand up comic and that some of the disciples

wrote jokes Bob Hope used in his 1978 Christmas special..

 

Shecky is also the only comic that channeled Moses and was told that the 10 commandments had tag lines

and old Jews with no senses of humor edited them out.

 

Shecky also claims that Dan Rowan and Dick Martin and George Schlatter did not think up the format for the “Laugh In”…. The original idea came from Judas who wasn’t a nice guy but had a great sense of pacing……

 

Thank you!

 

           

...

dm

 

10.14 08

 

BANK NEWSFLASH.

 

The ‘small government’ Republicans just took Viagra.

 

From now on the Bank of America will be called the Bank of Everywhere.

 

The Europeans put in addition trillions after William Shatner called them “Nambie Pambies!!”

 

Deregulators who aren’t even dead rolled over in their graves.

 

In a strange phenomenon Republican economic mavens are losing most of their body hair and teeth when the word “NATIONALISE” is said in mixed company.

 

The rich are leaving town with their fortunes tucked between their legs…

 

Construction of a 60 foot high barrier has begun around Wall Street to keep out Visigoths and Paul Krugman.    

 

Paul Krugman is awarded the Nobel Prize for

realizing when the Bush economic people ran out of fingers and toes they were screwed!

 

 

 

Tax payers who now own banks, insurance firms and mortgage companies are forming angry mobs

of personal accountants.

     

McCain unveils his economic plan to cut taxes on the taxes already cut and then cut those taxes.

 

McCain will cut the taxes of the undecided voters in Ohio and those of the main stream media who

stop giggling at Sarah Palin.

 

Palin’s pastor has exonerated her of all abuse of her office and Botox.

 

REPUBLICAN INTERLLECTUALS WATCH

Republican intellectuals today asked McCain if he would “change the tonal quality of his diatribes to include a more subtle and reflective message of

inclusion and anticipation for potential expectations, and to: “tell the crazy trailer trash bitch to shut the fuck up!”

 

McCain is preparing for tonight’s debate by walking softly and carrying some big terrorist shtick.

 

Young male voters are torn…Obama is such a cool figure and Palin has such a great figure.

 

 

A PALIN RUN

 

Sarah Palin sees life through no contact lenses.

 

Sarah Palin can see disaster from her house.

 

Sarah Palin a “kept away from the press” woman

 

Sarah Palin can’t see abuse from her house.

 

Sarah Palin secedes from reality.

 

Sarah Palin insults the intelligence of stupid people

 

New Palin book ‘Vice President for Dummies’

 

Sarah Palin is a dumb blonde without being blonde.

 

Sarah Palin strip searched at the Alaskan border by State Troopers with a chip.

  

Sarah Palin uses her children as a human shield as she walks past MSNBC offices.

 

Sarah Palin gives hockey moms a bad rap.

 

Sarah Palin’s children to lead angry kid’s mob.

 

Sarah Palin says Philly Flyers fans “Terrorists!”  
       

Sarah Palin husband called “Unwise Guy.”  

  

dm

10 15 08

 

 

 

THOUGHTS FOR DISCUSSION.

 

McCain ready to take the fight to Obama tonight by imitating a rabid hate filled crowd of morons.

 

McCain plans to bring up Ayres name, a known bomber in the 60’s as McCain was a known bomber in the 70’s. They were both incarcerated.

 

McCain will stage a comeback tonight by dressing like Ronald Reagan

 

Tonight McCain will say Obama doesn’t deserve to be on the same stage as he is..and he’ll leave!

 

Two of the people yelling ‘kill him’ at Palin rallies have been given merit awards by The Psychopath’s Society and

and are being fitted with honorary white sheets. 

 

The Palin Secret Service detail has not made arrests yet they’ve been too busy changing diapers.

 

Palin’s Secret Service detail do not want to be distracted by dangerous radicals while watching for the “Horny red neck Sarah ass grope phenomenon.”

 

Plans for the Palin pregnant wedding delayed due to abuse of power concerning firing the wedding planner.

 

Fox news will reveal a poll showing that all the other polls are the work of Gay Communists.  

 

Palin set to announce new party as McCain loses it will be known as the 4^th Reich.

 

Obama set to answer terrorist accusations with accusations of McCain palling around with an Alaskan noodle head!

 

Cheney hospitalized with acute nostalgia!

 

Cheney hospitalized in a swing state of depression.

 

Cheney’s having his assault and batteries changes.

 

Lame duck Bush calls Cheney a lame fuck.

 

Cheney’s October surprise…. God!

 

Cheney’s in hospital to have his smirk removed.

 

Due to Cheney’s  illness Palin didn’t get her daily mob incitement list.

 

Cheney called Palin and told her to use her own words

then realized that she’d used them all up with Katie Couric. 

 

Sean Hannity caught with digitally enhanced photos of Sarah Palin’s high heels.

 

Sean Hannity’s current ravings are being documented by

The Sci Fi channel for their biographical  tribute to him: “Look What Can Grow From Hazardous Waste”  

 

 Hannity’s Palin droolings prompted a call from the Pope who said:“Thou shalt not drool or commit adultery!”

 

Sean said: “What about coveting thy neighbor’s wife?”.. The Pope said: “Do you want your head stuck up a Polar Bear’s back entrance.

(This tag would be asshole if it wasn’t the Pope)

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

dm

10 16 08.

 

 

Last night John McCain used the words “Joe the Plumber” 33 times and went down the toilet.

 

Last night McCain looked like he’s swallowed a prune pit and the laxative wasn’t strong enough.

 

McCain’s attempts to bitch slap Obama about William Ayres had all the power of a Richard Simmons seminar on chocolate.

 

McCain lost the debate by using a smile he’d bought from a bad mime.

 

McCain praised Sarah Palin as being ready to become President as long as she had a good pair of binoculars.

 

McCain defended the rabid morons in his rallies by saying: “We will continue to threaten Obama’s life until somebody takes a shot at him”.

 

McCain won the stinky old geezer Poll 60% to 40% with 20% of seniors not remembering who he was or where they were.

 

McCain succeeded in scaring the shit out of old Jews who won’t vote for Obama in Florida unless he comes over for coffee and Kugel.

 

Palin said she didn’t watch the debate due to being sexually harassed by Sean Hannity.

 

McCain’s comments about Palin being ready to take over the reigns of the President caused NORAD to go on maximum alert.

 

The Fox audience gave Obama the debate even though they were tied to chairs by Oliver North and threatened with loud Casey and the Sunshine Band.

 

McCain said afterwards that he thought he’d won the debate against Bob Scheifer.

 

McCain became confused during the debate when Obama started talking

sense.

 

McCain’s health plan is an imaginary fantasy that many in the audience thought would make a great Disney movie.

 

The swift polls taken after the debate showed that John McCain’s likeability factor

was lower than Jeffrey Dahmer and Paulie Shore.

 

McCain will hit the campaign trial tomorrow and will introduce his new tactic letting Sarah Palin be Sarah Palin…. hand grenades and all!!

 

The people of Alaska are signing a giant petition that reads: “We maybe stupid but we’re not that stupid!”

 
Palin’s pastor will hold a special ceremony today to put a further hex on Obama…He said the last one didn’t work because Jesus was taking a few days off at Club Med.          

 

Palin and her husband Todd will dress up as complete nebbishes to fit into the plan to recruit more complete nebbishes.

 

The reporters on CNN agreed that this was McCain’s strongest debate if you like a man who looks like he’s about to stick a pen in his leg.

 

The reporters at CBS agreed that this was McCain’s strongest debate if you like a man who looks like a commercial for embalming fluid.

 

The reporters at Fox news agreed that this was McCain’s strongest debate if you like Sean Hannity’s opinion about anything other than displaying his rampant pant bulge to Sarah.

 

Mr. T said: “I pity the fool who’s a twitchy eye rollin’, lip smackin’, fake smilin’, jaw clenchin’, arm wavin’ angry lookin’ old whitey with a chip!”         

  

Republican intellectuals today channeled Barry Goldwater and asked him if he would come back as Ronald Reagan before he became a stick of celery.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

dm

10 16 08   

 

VAUDVILLE SPECIAL.

 

CUE THE MUSIC….CHRIS COMES OUT DRESSED IN A CANARY YELLOW SUIT WITH LITTLE LIGHTS THAT FLASH AFTER EACH JOKE WITH THE WORDS “FORGIVE ME!”

 

 

Hi again ladies and drunks….

 

Joe the Plumber just found to be a wrench short of a tool set.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber joins Palin’s campaign to make sure her shit doesn’t stink.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Joe the Plumber tells reporters he’s never met a black tap dancer he didn’t like.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber is so dumb a moron called him stupid.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber will meet with the IRS tomorrow and become “Joe the Plumber without a car, a house and a bank account.”

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber will join John McCain in

tearing Obama a new asshole..but it takes one to know one. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

*** “That joke was sent in by a disgraced Nanny writer.”

 

Joe the Plumber turns out to be a bad jerk.

BAROOMBOM

 

Joe the plumber called a fake by Kreskin.

BARROMBOM!

 

The McCain plumber’s racism floats to the top.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber can’t chew gum and flush at the same time

BAROOMBOM!

 

Joe the Plumber…plunging the McCain campaign to new depths!

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe does not have a plumber’s license due to the fact that the Union doesn’t accept “X” as a signature. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe will be on Sean Hannity’s show tomorrow to discuss how hot it would be to unplug Sarah’s sink. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

***”Okay..Okay…please don’t set the dogs

on me…I’m just trying to make a living here!!”

 

***Jokes like these are the reason for the death of network comedy as we knew it.

Writers can thank people like me for having to work as museum curators and gigolos

 

 

***And now for some more serious moments!

 

 

Sarah Palin the most unqualified person in high heels to ever run for VP.. looked at her polls today and fell off them.

 

McCain has no shame, Palin has no clout and Joe the Plumber has no job.

 

**This is a real Obama joke:

‘My middle name is actually “Steve.” 

 

McCain’s scare tactics reached new heights today when operatives in black face started jumping out of dark alleys and shouting “boo” at old people.

 

The Sarah Palin look-a-like-porno will be out next week followed by the McCain’s look-a-like movie “Candidate of the Living Dead” 

   

McCain’s October surprise happened when he was watching Rachel Maddow and got a hard on!  

 

On Letterman’s show when Dave mentioned

“G. Gordon Liddy!” McCain was rushed to  emergency when his ass fell off.

    

On Letterman last night Dave sat there and let McCain justify futility.  

 

On Letterman last night Dave let McCain get to the pass and then cut him off in mid-inanity.

 

On Letterman last night even McCain’s body language needed sub titles.

 

Dave Letterman’s McCain interview added new meaning to the word “Squirm!”   

 

On Letterman last night it was all smiles and bleeding piles.

 

On Letterman last night Dave generously allowed McCain to dig his own grave.

 

McCain left the Letterman stage thinking “I showed that Dave”…then he had to go back for his nuts!

 

On Letterman last night while McCain defended Sarah Palin as being ready to be President Letterman wrote the 10 reasons John needs serious truth drugs.

 

On Letterman last night John McCain showed his lighter side of angry.

 

Mr T said: “I pity the fool who stands Dave up… then goes on his show and gives him 2000 sound bites that’ll make the fool look like more of a fool until Obama wins!!”

McCain didn’t let Dave finish a sentence last night. Dave will finish all those sentences and McCain over the next 19 days.

 

 

 

 

        

 CAPTION BELOW.

 

..............................

           I CAN’T SEE RUSSIA …..AND OHIO IS MISSING TOO!

DM WEEKENDER

10 17 08.

 

 

      HEADLINES  McCAIN WOULD LOVE TO SEE.

 

 

 

“POLLS SHOW PLUMBING MORE IMPORTANT THAN ECONOMY.”

 

 

” MILLIONS OF DEMOCRATS FOUND TO BE GAY TERRORISTS” 

“SARAH PALIN PROVED DIRECT DESCENDENT OF JESUS”

 

“BIDEN PLOT TO KILL ALL FIRST BORN SONS DISCOVERED”

 

 “LETTERMAN FIRED BY CBS”

 

 “OLBERMAN FIRED BY MSNBC”

 

 OBAMA RELATED TO IDI AHMIN”

 

 “MTV ENDORSES McCAIN/PALIN”

 

 

“NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL FAIR AND BALANCED!” 

 

 

 

dm

10 20 08.

 

THE ENDORSEMENT FUN RUN.

 

The other one just endorsed that one!

 

Palin claims Colin Powell’s middle names are “Ali Baba.”

 

Powell calls Palin qualified to see Russia but not talk to it.

 

Powell calls Obama “presidential” and McCain “presently mental”.

 

Palin reported to say: “They stick together like at the OJ trial.”

Palin was not worried about Colin Powell’s endorsement until somebody told her who he was.

 

In a stunning statement Rush Limbaugh accuses Powell and Obama of being African Americans.

 

Palin’s angry small town mobs are set to descend on every city in the United States to root out all Anti-Americans living there.

 

McCain called Powell: “A terrorist liberal tax hiker and one of his best friends.”

 

McCain thanked Colin Powell’s for endorsing him and then  distanced himself from himself. 

 

 

The Joint Chiefs of Staff sent a one way economy class plane ticket to Sara Palin today with a note saying “Go destroy a Moose not a country!”

 

McCain said: “Colin is crazy if he can’t see the relevance of character assassination, inciting racial tensions and having a great piece of ass ready to run the country.”

 

 

 When asked to comment on Powell’s endorsement Palin said: “Sorry I only talk to the news staff at Saturday Night Live”

 

 Sean Hannity will claim that in 1978 William Ayres was in Oxnard California when Colin Powell flew overhead on his way to New Zealand.

 

 When Sean hears the word “very experienced” and “Sarah” in the same sentence he gets a woody.

 

McCain says Obama wants a welfare state and immediately lost what ever chance he thought he had with Hippies and Surfers.

 

When McCain calling Democratic women “feminist liberals” a

Librarian kicked him in the nuts and said: “That’s my conservative kick you wouldn’t like my liberal one”

 

 The National Enquirer endorses McCain/ Palin with the headlines “Without Sarah’ life we’re Dog Meat!”

  

Palin has not released her medical records and some say it’s because she’s pregnant again.

 

Palin will not attend some of the smaller events they’re sending a trained parrot.

 

When the old lady standing next to McCain shouted:

“For God sake lighten up!!” he had his mother arrested.

 

The McCain campaign today said their new strategy is to tell Americas that voting is Anti American.

 

 

 

“I got a loaf and some fish for later”

 

dm 21

10 21 08.

 

 

 

 

 A preview of an Obama victory.

The McCain campaign is accusing Obama’s grandmother of playing politics by dying.    

 

If McCain’s campaign sinks any lower it’ll meet itself on the way back up.

 

Palin appearance on SNL was widely reviewed as successful if you liked The Gong Show.   

 

Lorne Michaels was seen in the green room reading Faust.

 

Palin’s appearance on SNL was a bomb bomb bomb without going to Iran 

 

Palin said she much preferred her appearance with Pat Robertson, who allowed her to be relaxed,

At ease and a complete bat brained religious weirdo.    

 

Pat Robertson agreed with Sarah that God and Roger Ailes should be included in any discussions about the

Annihilation of the entire world by nuclear holocaust…

 

Palin also told Pat that she wasn’t prejudiced towards Muslims as long as they were in cages.

 

After McCain introduced Phil the Undertaker and Frank the Ex Convict to Joe the Plumber and Jack the Construction Worker they quit the campaign and are touring as The Village People.

 

The middle class people surrounding John McCain were hard working middle class actors getting scale.

 

AMERICAN EXPLANATION.

Small town American who are pro-Americans are beginning to march on large town Americans who are

Anti American …soon small town Americans will march on big city Anti Americans. Statistics show however that        

Small town pro Americans will run out of marchers before they get past the stockyards.                        

 

Palin thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman and McCain thinks marriage should be between a man and a very rich woman.

 

Palin thinks marriage should be between teenage daughters and the teenage morons who knocked them up.

 

Palin says: “When I’m president  …. I would never use that nuclear stuff out of season”     

 

Giuliani wants to find Obama’s drug dealer so somebody gave him Tommy Chong’s cell number.

 

Many senior Republicans secretly feel the same way as Powell but Cheney has the photo of all of them at 

“The Hustler Center Fold Awards.” party.

 

McCain called dangerously disturbed by Zimbabwe’s Mugabe while Robert attended the stoning of his 3^rd wife.

 

McCain’s promised to bring financial help to the middle class even if Cindy had to pay for it.

 

When McCain was accused of being out of touch with the average family Cindy bought him one.

 

When a reporter called Rush Limbaugh an ugly race baiting pig recently pig lovers sued for defamation of character.

 

Pat Buchanan showed his true color on MSNBC by talking about Powell’s.  

 

Meanwhile Pat Buchanan’s extreme right wing sister and commentator Babe had a makeover and nobody knew!   

A preview of a Palin cabinet.

dm 22

10 22 08.

 

 

NEWS BULLETIN.

 

 

 

Rush Limbaugh was arrested today for molesting his show.

 

McCain and Palin are under investigation for disrespecting minorities by abuse of the English language.

 

Main stream Republicans are so angry at McCain’s disgusting racially tinged robot calls they’ve told him to stop at least a day before the election.     

 

The McCain campaign is attempting to suppress voting and will be targeting minorities, Senior citizens plus people who look like they’re from the Middle East or MSNBC.

 

Panic happened in the United States Senate today when it was revealed that if Sarah Palin became vice president she will take over the senate and run it in the way she feels fit. Reached for a comment about this astounding revelation John McCain said: “I told her not to say that until after martial law is declared”

 

The RNC spent over $150,000 on clothes and accessories for Sarah Palin at Sax 5^thAvenue and Neiman Marcus

but however great she looks…She still sounds like shit! 

 

Sean Hannity’s embarrassing man crush continued when he sent Palin a DVD of himself unreasonably insulting liberal agnostics while dressed in a thong.

 

A person answering the description of Sean has been seen in a raincoat and long black socks lurking next to the Straight Talk Express. 

 

Until recently Palin thought Neiman Marcus was a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys.

 

Until recently Palin thought that Sax 5^th Avenue was a

music store.

 

When New Yorkers found “small town lover” Palin was in a big city, they sent over an angry but sophisticated mob and burned down her hotel.

 

Some people in a “small pro American town” are pissed off Sarah shopped in a big “Anti America” city. The small town mayor said: “For $150,000 she could’ve bought all the clothes she wanted…a farm…and supported Joe the Plumber and his family for 2 years!   

 

Palin says she does a perfect bubble headed imitation of Tina Fey to which Tina replied

“Well when you get your own show on Fox…do me!!”  

 

Palin has become such a drag on McCain’s ticket he’s thinking of becoming McCain and

TBA.  

 

But seriously folks McCain’s only chance is to go on “Extreme Makeover”     

And come out looking like Santa Claus with a Harvard degree in economics..    

 

McCain should’ve picked the old Jew and not the young shrew.   

 

When Sean Hannity booked into Vice Presidential sex addition rehab he met Charlie Daniels, Hank Williams Jnr. Chuck Norris, Dennis Miller, and Bill Clinton with a bag over his head.  

“My dear you don’t cook

  Versace…you wear it”   

  

dm 23

10.23.08.

 

 

THE NBC McCAIN/ PALIN INTERVIEW

 

Brian William’s interview is being called a remake of the Odd Couple.

 

Palin says she’s ready to be vice president because even if she doesn’t know the details of how to be one…

She’s got the wardrobe for it.

 

McCain looked awkward and stiff during the interview while Palin looked very well dressed.

 

McCain calls NBC’s Williams “Brian the Announcer.”

 

 

At times McCain looked like he wished he’d picked Barney the Hippo instead.

 

When Palin strung three coherent sentences together the McCain campaign broke open the champagne and let off fireworks.

 

Palin’s grasp of the constitution was as shaky as her grasp of the economy which she said she could see from her house.

 

Brian Williams will join Katie and Charles in “Palin interview rehab” next week.

 

Palin proved again that she has the depth of a rain puddle.

 

Palin’s world view can be seen from her window.

 

Palin’s faith in God gives her the right to fire state troopers illegally, shoot defenseless wolves indiscriminately and shop irresponsibly.

 

 

THE PALIN SHOPPING SPREE.

 

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Super Sized Shopper

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Hypocrite in Gucci.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Deluxe Armani version.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Chanel Enhanced.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Newly Improved Model.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Givenchy Hockey Mom.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Governor without one.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Wolf in Lagerfeld originals.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah in Genuine Chinchilla Highlights.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah in Even Higher Heels by Feragamo 

 

 

Time Magazine has offered Palin the cover of Vogue.

 

Cindy McCain announced she spent $200,000 the same day …but that was to suppress photos of her husband

breaking a chair over the head of the guy who told Palin she looked frumpy in Macy’s off the rack outlet stuff.

 

John McCain is now out looking for “Irv the Accountant” and Harry the “Spin Meister”.

 

The McCain campaign have scrapped their “Obama the Elitist” robot calls in favor of the “Don’t blame us we gave the crazy bitch a Master card and she just went nuts!”calls.

 

Little known fact.. Todd Palin also spent $150,000 the same day when he used the credit card to buy an armory

in Nome.

 

Last night, across pro America, angry middle class mobs held a series of Sax 5^thAvenue catalogue burnings. 

        

Sarah’s credibility is so far in the toilet…she needs Joe the Plumber.  

 

 

THE OTHER VICE PREZ.

 

Joe Biden has been given a sock.

 

Joe Biden has been sent on a tour of Iceland.

 

Joe Biden’s speeches will be on a 5 second delay from now on.

 

Joe Biden has been diagnosed with foot in the mouth disease.   

 

Joe Biden has been told to shorten his stump speech to less than a stump.

 

 

“Where did you get that hat …it’s so cute”

  

 

dm 24

 10/ 24 08.

 

Allan Greenspan will be the new spokesman for Kool-Aid.

 

Allan Greenspan looks like he already died but doesn’t want to face God who lost a couple of billion.

 

Allan Greenspan admits he trusted banks and the stock market to act like banks and the stock market.

 

Allan Greenspan is beside himself but Andrea Mitchell has decided not to be.

 

Allan Greenspan admits to destroying the fabric of Western society and then had lunch at the Waldorf.

 

Allan Greenspan’s Rabbi told him he was not good for the Jews.

 

Allan Greenspan is an anti regulation big city big business anti American.

 

Todd Palin is being called “Todd the Baby Carrier”

 

McCain has booked a vacation on Elba for after the elections. ***

 

Joe the Plumber will be meeting “Obama the President.”

 

The McCain campaign is now an angry mob.

 

As funds dry up the McCain campaign is being accused of biting the hand that is no longer feeds them. 

 

McCain turns on President Bush says the hugging and kissing up was part of his defunct Tony Robbins course 

 

McCain says when he voted for Bush 90% of the time he had his fingers crossed. 

 

Palin’s 7 year old daughter’s Louie Vitton bag will go to an out of work pro American when the election is over.   

 

Palin excuse for the clothing spree: “She wanted to look as hot as the crowds she was inciting to hate liberal minorities.

 

Palin was pissed off when McCain demanded to see the receipts for Gucci Diapers.

 

Sean Hannity said he’d buy all Sarah’s previously worn clothing for his “Sarah the Goddess Shrine.”

 

Sean said he didn’t want the clothing dry cleaned as he wanted to enjoy sniffing Sarah’s extreme right wing essence.

 

Sean Hannity told Todd Palin he thought Todd looked like a wimp who’d been left holding the baby.

 

Todd told Sean if he keeps drooling over Sarah he’s stick a dog sled up his ass.

 

 Palin appointed friends, family and her German Shepherd “Ralphie” to important Alaskan government jobs  

 

 Palin proudly announced this week that Alaska was Muslim Free!  

 

 When president Palin will ask Congress to enact a law allowing the shooting of liberals from light planes.

 

Sean Hannity says if Obama wins he’ll offer Sarah her own show and a key to his penthouse suite.

 

Fox News announces on election night instead of election results they will be playing re runs of “That 70’s Show.”

 

***How many get the McCain Elba joke?

 

 

EDITORS NOTE.

 

Some of the enlightened women who come to the DM blog on are uptight about my hitting on Palin. They say I have a sexist attitude towards a woman who was chosen for one of the most serious positions in the world. And rather than saying “No.. I’m a governor of an important state where I need to be to protect the people of Alaska, and I’m a mother of a pregnant unwed venerable teenager and the new mother of a special needs child who needs extra special care for his entire life and I’m also facing some legal problems from various sources…she said “You want me to be more important than all of that will I do it .??.you betcha!” …. Am I missing something here…? Strangely enough most women with children, pregnant or not, seem to be missing something too. The sheer audacity and ego of Sarah Palin is only surpassed by the dereliction of duty shown to the people of the United States by the John McCain who has destroyed his place in history by being blind to the intelligence of a growing majority of the people of this country. I love women I have 5 daughters and a wife I love dearly and I’m only 45 years old…so to my fellow lady bloggers… I love you too but I don’t love the ego maniac fruitcake with no brains who thinks she can be the leader of the free world.       

  

“I didn’t say “Road”..I just said just follow the yellow brick!”

“Don’t be so sensitive George 24% of the morons still love you.” 

  

       “Candid shot of McCain Campaign headquarters!”

“McCain’s first choice for VP only she’s English”

dm weekender

10 25 08

 

 

MORON WATCH.

 

Palin says experimenting with fruit flies is “icky” during a speech …confounding 20 years of successful scientific fruit fly research and anyone who actually still thinks she has a functioning brain cell left. 

 

Well known Republicans say Palin should not be let out of the pound unless she’s muzzled and on a leash

 

When a drooling Sean Hannity told Todd he loves the idea of Sarah being on a leash, Todd hit him with Allan Combs.

 

On Fox Sean asked Palin soft ball questions while hiding a pair of hard balls under his desk.

 

Meanwhile over at the Brian Williams interview McCain barely got a racial slur out without Palin interrupting. 

 

Palin tops herself yesterday by once again using her special needs baby as a prop.

 

When Palin said she’s ready to assume the position  …Sean Hannity had to be hosed down with ice water.

 

 Palin is thinking of seceding from the McCain campaign, merging church and state, the Alaskan Independence Party,

 parts of the Deep South, small town America and abortion clinic bombers into her “real America”.  

 

Palin pissed at  SNL and John Stewart has promised when she gets in she’ll see that Dennis Miller gets equal time.

 

Palin denies she doesn’t have a sense of humor by saying she laughs at McCain behind his back all the time.

 

Palin called the most dangerous threat to nuclear war since Slim Pickens in “Dr Strangelove.”   

 

Joe the Plumber’s first book will be called “HOW TO NOT BE ANYTHING AND SUCCEED.”

 

McCain angry at Palin’s credit card bills … is now being billed for an Alaskan wedding and a moose hunt.

 

Allan Greenspan looked at Palin’s expense account and said “Another case where deregulation didn’t work”:   

 

Palin says “I’m doing what any woman would do if she was running for Vice President with an old dork loser and a wife who looks like she went to the blood bank too many times …shop ‘till you drop… you betcha!”

 

McCain clamps down on the spending and demands Todd Palin return the Rolex and Angelina from the Escort service.

 

MORON WATCH TWO.

A misguided moron woman admits she beat herself up and then blamed an imaginary six foot black man…Police believed her story for 30 seconds and then had to be subdued for laughing hysterically.

 

Fox news ,without waiting for verification,  broke the story and immediately labelled all six feet black men in America as “terrorists” which pissed off  Shack, and Lebron.

 

When told it was a hoax and a fraud Fox news retraction was: “Oh yeah..Well it could’ve happened”

 

The demented hoax woman was immediately booked on Fox News and will be interviewed by Sean Hannity as a “victim of self terrorism.”

 

The contrite moron said from the mental ward: “I’m sorry, all I wanted to do was start a race riot!”

 

 

MORON WATCH THREE.

 

Rush Limbaugh has been relieved of his senses and will not get them back soon.

 

Rush Limbaugh has completely lost his mind and search parties are currently being formed.

 

Rush Limbaugh’s ego has been expanding at such a fast rate that doctors are thinking of lancing it.

 

  

 ”NOW YOU TELL ME THE CRAB IS STUFFED BUT BEAR IS STILL ALIVE?”

  

 

  

DM PICTURES…

                          “MY FELLOW AMERICANS”

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FELLOW AMERICANS” 

THE FIRST MORMON GAY MARRIAGE

     

WASILLA  CITY HALL AFTER THE $23,000,000 RENOVATION.

“I TOLD YOU DON’T LET THE OLD FART FLY THE PLANE.”

dm 27

10 27 08

 

 

ROGUE CANDIDATE!!

 

Dissention in the McCain camp denied by campaign manager as he has hockey puck removed from his butt.

 

Palin is now making up her own speeches in Alaskan with English sub titles.

 

Cher suing McCain spokesperson for calling Palin a Diva!

 

Palin looks in dictionary for what the word Diva means.

 

McCAIN “INTERNAL” PALIN PUT DOWNS.

 

If she had nuts she’d be a numb nut!

 

If she has any more kids she could live in a shoe!

 

If she had a dialogue coach he would’ve given her a F.

 

If she knew what syntax meant she’d never have talked to Katie.

 

If she wants to be President there’s always the PTA.

 

If she wants us to pay for her trip back to Alaska she’s going by train.

 

If she disses John too much a beer truck could run over her wardrobe.

 

If she points the finger at us we’ll tell about Todd’s height without the lifts.

 

JOE REVIEW.

 

Joe the Plumber after writing his book.. will run for congress… star as lead roll in Iron Man 3 and ascend to Heaven to sit on the Right hand side of God.

 

Joe’s points of view will be tested next week on Meet the Press when he will be asked about how plumbing can win the war in Iraq.   

 

John Hopkins has asked Joe is he will donate his brain to research..Joe said yes but not until after he was dead.

 

  

 

        

                A real toilet joke…

    

DM 28

 

10. 28. 08.

 

CRAZY PALIN LADY RANTS

 

Palin calls Obama a Communist and the American Communist party sues her for defamation of character.

 

Young Republican voters ask Palin :“What’s a Communist?”
 she said: “I’ll  find out about that and get right back to ya!”

 

China’s foreign minister welcomed Obama into the Communist Party today and gave him a Wal-Mart voucher.

 

ALASKAN BAKED.

Ted Stevens says he’s innocent of all charges and threatens America with a Palin presidency.

 

Ted Stevens convicted on 7 counts of what Palin is going to be convicted of.

 

Ted Stevens says he’ll appeal his convictions all the way to Governor Palin’s pocket book.  

 

Palin refused to criticize Ted today saying Alaskans have 

special bonds like individualism, hunting and extortion. 

 

 

MORE CLAP TRAP.

McCain tries a new tactic and attacks himself.

 

McCain camp accuses Palin camp of substituting a McCain  ignorant bull shit speech with their own ignorant bullshit.

 

McCain refuses to pick up tab for Palin’s syntax lessons.

 

McCain camp finds practice inaugural acceptance speech and fireworks in Palin’s returned Neiman Marcus wardrobe.

 

Palin accused of having visions of grandeur from her window.

 

Palin’s body language towards McCain called so distant you can see the curve of the earth.

 

When Palin’s body language was mentioned on Sean Hannity’s show he was got excited they had to turn a fire extinguisher on him.         

 

Bush gave McCain permission to disagree with his policies as long as he didn’t call him a stupid blithering asshole…like his mom already did.

 

 

     ”The ravishes of near beer!”

 

 

dm 28

10 28 08

 

 

McCain likely to throw Palin under the Straight Talk Express.

 

Power struggle for the soul of the GOP tough..there isn’t one!

 

Mitt Romney says: “You should’ve picked a Mormon instead of a moron!”

 

Palin called a “whack job” and Sean Hannity gets excited again.

 

McCain snubbed Palin on the bus when she charged the campaign for lunch…a submarine sandwich and a 20 carat diamond ring.

 

Palin wants to put the $150,000 clothing thing behind her…. in the Louie Vitton luggage going back to Alaska

 

 Republican intellectuals asked for Palin’s IQ and she told them she’d done the “I” but was still working on the “Q.”

 

Cindy McCain says there’s no dissention in the ranks and right after the election she plans to “visit the scumbag when she moves back into the trailer.”

 

Joe the Plumber is first authentic proof humans descended from Neanderthals.

 

 High school drop outs are saying Joe is giving them a bad name.

 

When asked to point Israel out on the map Joe said that was unfair as he had failed at Geometry.

 

Obama called a Marxist by Palin who thought until recently that this was somebody who liked Groucho.

 

   

 

“ I told you not to bring up Neiman Marcus!”

dm..29

10 29 08

 

OBAMA’S INFOMERCIAL.

 

Obama’s infomercial out rated Chuck Norris, Victoria Principal and came in second only to Ron Popiel.

 

Obama turns down offers to sell Miracle Blade, Sham-Wow and Urine Gone!

 

Voters all over the country told not to try to vote at the “As Seen on TV stores.”

 

6,000,000 people tuned in and wanted to buy Obama.

 

McCAIN/PALIN SPLIT?

 

McCain camp aghast as Palin claims the presidency in 2012 and has Bob Mackie begin designing her crown.

 

Palin avoided a nasty accident today when she nearly tripped over her ego.

 

The Republicans are now split into two camps, the dangerous extreme right wing bigots for Palin and the older dangerous extreme right wing bigots for McCain.

 

The intellectual wing of the Republican Party held a meeting tonight in a Washington closet.

 

 

Palin accused Obama of spreading the wealth, while fighting a new charge of spreading Alaska’s wealth into her bank account.

 

Sean Hannity had to change his shorts after seeing the tape of Sarah having witches removed from her butt.

 

Sean Hannity thrown out of church meeting with Palin when he took the “Laying on of hands” thing too far.    

   

Cindy McCain says she has an active sex life…but doesn’t say who with.

 

Palin attacks Obama’s lack of experience in handling

foreign affairs by looking out of his window.

 

In line with keeping him on ice…Joe Biden made a speech in Tasmania last night in front of a crowd of 54 people who didn’t know who he was.

 

Joe Biden known for his off the cuff remarks is now wearing short sleeves. 

 

Joe puts his foot in his mouth and is put in a cone of silence Palin lies through her teeth and is put on Fox News.

 

 

EDITORIAL COMMENT.

At least 43% of all voters still say they’ll vote for committing the country to the control of a silly old fool and a raving right wing ignorant religious racist maniac proving once again that what ever they put in McDonald’s food seems to be working.

 

 

 ” Sarah Palin’s daughter learning early”

 

 

 

 

dm 31

 

10.31 08

 

59 % think Palin is not qualified to be president and 96% say she’s not qualified to act like she thinks she is qualified.

 

A quarter of the people in Texas think Obama is a Muslim, this is the same quarter of the people in Texas  who think Pamela Anderson is a virgin.

 

Texas….a state with its head in the sand and it’s asshole in   Crawford.

    

McCain had to bring in a bus load of people to fill up the empty spaces at his rally at Starbucks.

 

Sarah Palin’s crowds have dwindled down to religious fanatics, race baiters and fashion designers.

 

The last black guy at a Palin stadium rally got the day of the ball game wrong

 

With such a short time before the elections McCain is using Joe the Plumber to bring in the frontal lobotomy crowd.

 

LAST MINUTE ACCUSATIONS!!

 

Palin has accused the entire state of California

of being kinda gay looking and untrustworthy.

 

 

McCain is accusing everybody about everything he can think of.

 

Joe the Plumber accused Giuliani of being an ugly woman.  

 

Palin accused Joe the Plumber of getting an agent and a recording contract before she does.

 

The Obscure Radical Professors of America Society accuse McCain of cherry picking.

 

I’m accusing McCain, Palin and Joe the Plumber of being “The New Three Stooges!”

 

Palin accuses the kids of Democrats of being the spawn of Satan.

 

Elvira accuses Cindy McCain of stealing her makeup.

 

*****      ****      *****    ****   ****    *****  ****

 

JOE’S MO!

 

Joe Biden said today “I like John McCain and I don’t like to kick a man when he’s down but on the other hand what the hell I’m going to kick him when he’s down the slimy little swine!!”

 

‘The McCain campaign committee”

 

COMMENT.

To those few valiant people who blog on everyday but do not know me I offer this.

I am a socialist agnostic who could be a Hindu or a Christian or

just about anythingif an entity suddenly appeared and told me it would be cool to be that. As this is not happening I am happy in my skin. My attempts at humor are for my peace of mind alone as it helps me to understand the utter stupidity of the political system and the majority of the people who participate in it.

When and if it reaches a large enough audience I will donate

every last penny made by this blog gratefully and fully to myself as being a socialist I believe in my welfare. 

 

 

nov uno

NOV 1 2008.

 

McCain/Palin/Joe trailing in polls and brains.

 

Palin’s claims her first amendment rights violated..Sean Hannity goers crazy over Sarah being violated!

 

When McCain said Joe the Plumber was his “hero” it confirmed reports his new medications hasn’t kicked in.

 

McCain will use the “Twinkie Defense” when he loses.

 

A converted beer truck will be on its way to Arizona Tuesday night with a full load of anti depressants and a straight jacket.

 

Until her prime time interviews Palin thought syntax was something the IRS charged the Porno Industry.

 

Arnold stumping for McCain was praised for having a better understanding of English than Palin.

 

Palin accuses Joe of pimping her ride.

 

New revelations show that Chuck Norris, Hank Williams Jr, and Dennis Miller will join forces for the first “Joe the Plumber Lollapalooza Toilet Bowl”.

 

 

 WILL CALL TICKETS AVAILABLE.

Joe’s first major concert appearance sees him lip syncing to any voice other than his own. In his honor Ted Nugent will bite the head off as life sized dummy of Keith Olberman.

 

“And now for a selection

of my favorite urinals!”

 

nov3

N3

 

McCain campaigns in 5 states, Joe the plumber

campaigns in 5 agent’s offices and Palin campaigns with 5 couturiers.

 

McCain and Obama on Monday Night Football.. John will use his long bomb bomb bomb.

 

Because McCain’s was funnier than Palin on Saturday Night live, she has hired writer Dennis Miller who lost his sense of humor during the sale of his integrity.

 

Desperate McCain accusing the entire Eastern Seaboard of being next to the sea.

 

Desperate Palin accuses Obama of being pals with people who have never worn American flag lapel pins.

 

After a Bush loyalist said of W: “He’s a good man who got a bad rap”… police arrested him for being under the influence of Dick Cheney.

Truth about Obama kicking Washington Times reporters off his plane ..not political..Bean Burritos. 

    

Palin tells Hannity:

“Sean where’s the really hard news …?”

Sean taken to the showers!!

 

 

Mormons put big bucks into anti gay amendment, they think marriage should only be between a man and lots of women.   

 

 

 

       

“SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATORS!” 

vote

MOMENTOUS DAY.

 

Rachael Maddow thinks the entire electoral system will break down and the next president will be Bob Barr.

 

John McCain is resting peacefully at his home and his home and his home and his home and his home.

 

 Obama is thinking of having his ears cosmetically realigned to create a more presidential look.

 

Joe Biden is thinking of changing his name to Irv to avoid being associated with dumb fuck “Joe.” 

 

Palin will return to Alaska where she will be given an

award for “Best Dressed Alaskan” there were no other participants.   

 

Sean Hannity arrested in Manhattan for exposing himself to Tina Fey while she was dressed as Sarah Palin.

 

Sean Hannity snapped in Manhattan carrying a life sized Palin blow up doll.

 

A McCain /Palin presidency will bring an end to human rights and the beginning of human waste!

 

A McCain /Palin presidency will show the World that America is a suicide bomb.

 

 

“High Tech Alaskan Voting ”

 

THE RED STATE NEWS

  

                 A NEWS CORP. PUBLICATION.

                      The truth as we see it! 

        

                  Headlines in brief.

 

Disaster strikes as weird Muslim socialist

elected president by demented drugged

hordes of American perverts.

 

Basketball to replace Bald Eagle as symbol.

 

Oprah Winfrey to buy South Carolina.,

 

Joe the Plumber suspiciously tarred and feathered by people saying they are real plumbers.

 

The home of the President will be called The White Mosque.

 

Sarah Palin’s clothes suspiciously torn off her back by crazed liberal fashion designers.

 

Head of the Taliban buys home in Malibu.

 

The Conference of Christians and Jews will be amended to The Conference of Muslims and More Muslims.

 

 The YMCA is renamed the YMMA.

 

The air in several Southern States will be taxed.

 

MSNBC has been sold to the Communists.

 

All mention of God will be removed from

the expression ‘In God We Trust”

 

Hunting in our Southern states to be limited to small rodents and escaped convicts.

 

White people to be told to sit in the back at

McDonalds.

 

The Reverend Wright to be made a Saint.

 

From now on Colonel Sander’s to be called “Northern Fried Chicken.”

 

Internment camps opening soon to accommodate people who watch Fox News.

 

Pat Robertson detained at New York Airport for looking Christian.

 

 

 

RED STATE PICTURE OF THE DAY.

Comment from the editor.

Even though we lost by a slim margin we proved that 

bigotry and diversity helped get many of your favorite 

narrow minded right wing Christians reelected.

Marriage between a man and a man and a woman a woman was  thrown out in the garbage heap where it belonged. This was done with the help of Mormons who love marriage between a man and a woman and even more women. We actually hate Mormons most of the time but when it comes to keeping Gay men and Lesbians from getting married we’ll hold our noses and love them. 

So to all you fruitcakes out there remember what Jesus said to his 12 unmarried and handsome male disciples who slept next to him for all those years. ” I may be able to walk on water but marrying any one of you is going too far”.

 

 

 

THE RED STATE NEWS.

        The RED STATE NEWS 

            November 6^th 2008.

 

To comply with our new Muslim terrorist president, white people throughout the South will now be forced to think of black people as humans.

 

Rumors are going around that at Obama’s inauguration Snoop Dog will rap the national anthem.

 

White sheets will no longer be tolerated as fashion statements.

 

The governor of the sovereign state of North Carolina says it’s perfectly okay to be scared of Michelle Obama’s intelligence.

 

We have a report that Hussein Obama will order all people in West Virginian trailer parks to bathe at least one a week.

 

In Beloxi next week Sean Hannity will be made ‘Honorary Bigot of the Year.’

 

On good authority The Red State News reports if white people use the “n”word after Obama takes command they will be rounded up and used as sex objects by liberal perverts.

 

Lawyers said today that usage of the term “The South will Rise Again”cannot be used in local Viagra commercials.

 

A local Liberal Texan council will allow 3 gay people to live in Galveston as long as they only come out after dark.

 

Texas Rangers shot and wounded several liberals as they dangerously listened to a Dixie Chicks CD.

 

Crawford plans a great welcome home for George Bush with a parade of seriously wounded Iraqi veterans and an exhibition of water boarding.

 

The older white people across The South will be given guns next week to defend themselves from imaginary hordes of illegal Mexicans.

 

Our own Sarah Palin made an appearance at a huge rally in Baton Rouge wearing a sad face and $300,000 of Republican donations.

 

Hillary Clinton has been banned from using the expression “Hush my Mouth” when traveling in Georgia.

 

A NASCAR executive stated today “From now on any person who spits 20 feet, sets fire to his farts and hates science gets into our races at a reduced price.

 

Brigham Young University fine arts theater will no longer allow students to use the word “Thespian” as it cross promotes the Rachel Maddow Show.

 

 Pat Robertson’s conversation with God planned for this weekend has been cancelled due to Pat being pissed that his prayers Obama be turned into a Chrysler hood ornament were not answered.

 

 

   “LET’S HEAR IT FOR WHITE POWER!”

   

nov7

     THE RED STATE NEWS

             Voice of the rebel South

   

 

 We at THE RED STATE NEWS take this opportunity to congratulate 63% of the African American population of California who voted “Yes” on prop.8….proving that prejudice goes both ways and across state lines.

 

Gay people in Alabama will be asked to sit in the back of hair salons.

Republican governors intend to press for more restrictions on gay men including taking away their rights to wear high heels.

Across the Red States there is a movement to stop gay people from becoming quarter backs in the

NFL.

“Gay proof” computers components will be offered

in stores across the South.

There is a report that from now in both Rachel Maddow and Ellen DeGeneres will be stopped at the Mason Dixon line for questioning.  

 

The meaning of the word “Gay” will now be changed in all Southern dictionaries to mean:”Yucky.”

 

Anyone looking gay in 5 Southern States and California can now be openly accused of having

too much fashion sense for their own good!

Christopher Nance has been arrested for making

Southern women’s homes look too feminine.

 

AND NOW FOR OTHER STRAIGHT NEWS!!!

“The National Shit Kickers Championship” will be held in Kentucky and as usual fellow Republicans you bring your own shit.

 

George Bush’s dog bit a Reuter’s reporter. The reporter has contracted a severe case of canine bitterness. 

 

Republicans want to change their name from “minority party” as it makes them think they’re going to be discriminated against.

 

Creationism will be taught in schools across the South as soon as all the 10,000,000,000 year old Dinosaur bones can be removed.

 

Naked statues of Adam and Eve will be placed in schools across the South; Eve’s privates will be covered by 1 commandment and Adam’s by the other 9.

 

Rumor of drugged grits as North Carolina has gone into the Obama column…