“A DISH WHO’S DUMBER THAN DISHWATER”

 

LAST NIGHT ON KEITH OLBERMAN’S SHOW A TELLING COMMENT WAS MADE.

“Sarah Palin is great when she’s standing on a podium making a prepared speech that somebody else wrote for her when she can insult the PRESIDENT of the United States for some nonsensical reason like using a teleprompter. She does this with ease!

BUT!!

Dont’ sit her down and ask her a pertinent question about politics or international affairs because… and here’s the quote: ….. “She’s like a deer caught in the headlights!” again: “Like a DEER CAUGHT IN THE HEADLIGHTS!”

Well it happened and it happened of all places on FOX news when Chris Wallace..son of Mike Wallace, who would turn over in his grave if he were dead…asked the smoke being blown up her ass-spiring Presidential candidate Palin.. this question :” Will you handicap the front-runners in the Republican presidential race ?”

Sarah’s eyes became as wide as saucers…she just stared Chris down.. like “ Hey that’s not softball you asshole!”

And when he insisted saying..”Come on you’re a Fox commentator now so let’s hear your thoughts” Sarah sat forward in her seat drew her high heels closer to her legs ..stared Chris down and went into unintelligible Palinese clap trap.

She was indeed not only a deer but also a dumber than dishwater dip-shit caught in the headlights.

Sarah gives intelligent women a bad name.. she gives average intelligent women a bad name .. and she even gives dumb  blondes a bad name. FEMINISTS would be rolling over in  their graves if they were dead.

If I was an intelligent Republican strategist I’d be crapping my pants at the fact that Fox has let this looser than loose cannon loose on their network to behave like a numb-nut  loser! But the though enters one’s head.. is there such a thing as an intelligent GOP strategist…who isn’t in the pay of corporations …who doesn’t want another dummy in the White House so they can get back to screwing us up our economic anal tract. ? I don’t think so! 

Okay..on Twitter when I start-up with the Palin jokes…wow.. here come the PALIN  lovers. they are guys  mostly who say things like ..”we’d rather have Sarah in  the White House than a socialist who isn’t even an American who uses a teleprompter and loves terrorists.!! ”….     and to match this wit and originality ..the Liberal intellectual answer shoots back..”Why don’t you go #&*@ you dumb racist pig in the headlights!”…..  Brilliant heh?  

You see you must match their stupid rabble rousing rhetoric with your stupid rabble rousing rhetoric..this is a lesson Rush Limbaugh taught me. If you want to be a fanatical asshole ..put on 300 pounds and sound like your voice is a non stop farting machine!!

Us liberals have to stop taking anti depressants and get extremely violent and angry so we can get out on the streets with picket signs with Sarah Palin’s picture on them with a Hitler mustache.. She is “ The new Hitler” and we have to get that message out ..and while we’re at it ..we should burn DENNIS MILLER in effigy.

“THE SEXY BUT NOT TOO …SARAH PALIN SPEECH!!”

My fellow tea baggers…don’t I look great?

I’m here tonight on behalf of myself and $100,000!  I know how much you don’t  like big words or black people so I’ll make this a speech about me …because I know you like me. i’ll keep it simple for all your simpletons.

I can see some of you younger guys thinkin’ “She’s a better cougar than the one on Fox ..and I’d procreate with in her high heels any day!! “?

Well dream on in your pants because since the last baby I’m an abstinence only sex pot …YOU BETCHA!

But I’m glad I can see your woodies from my house!

Now let’s get down to the important stuff knocking the crap of that uppity black guy who dares to falsely call himself the PRESIDENT of these dis-united  States.. I say “let’s secede from America”..I mean that.. if all of American secedes from America we can take over…. No more worrying about Muslims or gays or Rachel Maddows taking over our freedoms..we can tell them to get out of our Non-America ! 

The very first thing I’m doing when President is to personally castrate Keith Olberman on the steps of  Radio City Musical Hall… and then we’ll see about how to rid ourselves of every wolf , polar bear, and socialist in Non America.

I’m going to repeal NEGROES from voting and build a wall around  every Taco Bell in the country..that’ll keep the illegals confined while the corporations that own me decide how to execute them all without using solar power which we all know is a Communist plot to take over Non- America.

I will cancel Global warming, Gay Marriage and lunch break at Wal Mart.

I will put us back in the hands of the people who kiss my ass for being their mouthpiece..My Wall Street-walkers and my Big bonus bank buddies.. Oh I know you don’t like them much..but believe me they’re a darn sight better than any smart Muslim Negro I know! 

GET IT!!

We’re Christians.. and we’re narrow- minded and we’re allowed to hate other peoples it says so in the old testament…and in our new version of the new testament also.

As your President I will privatize Social Security… then all those old people we don’t need on government grants will starve to death leaving a fresh and wonderful Non-America for all of us to enjoy.

I plan to give Chuck Norris his own 24/7 cable network which will feature constant references to minorities being used as serfs, sex slaves and short order cooks only..I will round-up all the smart people and to give them a chance I will let them have a head start and only shoot them down in cold blood from light planes.

Finally I will have John McCain’s staff and Katey Couric frontal lobotomized ..which will make them forget they ever tried to cross me on my way to being Empress of the Western Christian World ..A world where there are no abortions , no sex before marriage , no intelligence and only Fox News and reality shows.

TEA BAGGERS…”ONE POINT OF VIEW.”..”WHITE IS NOT THE COLOR OF SURRENDER ….” ONWARD TO MORE WAR AND LESS GOVERNMENT.. AND NO HEALTH CARE REFORM AND MORE FOX NEWS …AND TODD WILL MOVE AMONGST YOU WITH A BIG HAT FOR YOUR ADDITIONAL DONATIONS AND EVEN YOUR ROLEX IF YOU DON’T NEED THEM

God Bless Non America!!

“RIGHT WING ROBOT WOMEN FROM OUTER SPACE!”

 

They look like humanoids…they speak like humanoids..but they are… 

(MUSIC STNG!)

“RIGHT WING ROBOT WOMEN FROM OUTER SPACE!!!!!

They come to Earth with a message that nobody can understand because they learned our langauge from their secret INTER GALACTIC  internet  tubes that somehow only picked up Fox News.

THEY WALK AMONGST US…THEY INFILTRATE OUR GOVERNMENT ..

 THEY ENSLAVE THE STUPID AMONGST US..THEY ARE “THE RIGHT WING ROBOT WOMEN FROM OUTER SPACE.”

RACHEL MADDOW has finally gotten the proof we were all looking for..we can finally out these alien beings who want to take over our PLANET and turn us into fast food!

Andrea Mitchell accidentally found one ” Robot Woman” this week ! Her name is Senator Susan Collins …she takes the form of a strange tortured looking woman with a weird accent obviously from another galaxy far far away. If you watch her closely you can see her eyes darting backwards and forwards across the bridge of her nose as she attempts to say things rational humans could understand.  However this week the amount of total wrong- headed guff that came out of her mouth about the Nigerian terrorist kid gave her away as something not from our earth. She actually said so many things that were just totally and completely untrue that even a passing Glen Beck fan fell over laughing.

She’ll be  moved to Area 52 next week and receive a rectal probe for any signs of a human pulse connected with our reality.

SHE IS INDEED A” RIGHT WING ROBOT WOMAN FROM OUTER SPACE!”

Also “alien outed” this week was Congress woman Michelle Bachman who made the classic mistake of using the “Japanese on a List” quote when talking about health care reform and the fact that if you disagree with Obama you’ll be on a list. This was so obviously another statement that could only have come from the mind of a creäture from deep space who, in its own hideous form, would make even Donald Trumps comb over not look so bad. 

Oh yes they’re out there… the Anne Coulters , the Sarah Palins, the Miss South Carolinas  and all the blonde anchors at Fox . ….But the  most terrifying Right Wing Robot Woman monster of them all is

DRAMATIC MUSIC STING!!

Liz Cheney the keeper of the Dick-Death ray!!

The Dick- Death- Ray.. it doesn’t discriminate … it barbecues Liberals and all Muslims whether their terrorists or Mohammed Ali.

And it occasionally barbecues a friend in the face!  

If you don’t like this s%^* let me know and I’ll just keep annoying you until you go away.

It seems the GOP doesn’t have a coherent message about any policy but they’re gaining in the polls anyway against a smart in touch guy who has a plan.. its flawed in some ways but it is a %^&*(@# plan!! Where is theirs?

In outer space!!!!

SLASH TAXES, NO REGULATIONS…WE DON’T NEED NO STINKIN’ HEALTH CARE. SMALLER GOVERNMENT…

Great so find us another dumb ass.. elect him/her President and let’s start F#*$^  UP THE COUNTRY AGAIN..

“DUH DUH!!” Whats going on…?somethings totally off kilter here …we must be ..no we can’t be…but it sounds like… It sounds like the plan of ……..Oh No not that!!!!.

(Music sting!!!) …

THE TAKE OVER OF “THE RIGHT WING ROBOT WOMEN FROM OUTER SPACE!”

 FADE TO BLACK…Sorry Robot Women..fade to white!!

 Guru Bernie says:” War mongers smell worse than Fish mongers!”

“Lawlessness @ Fox News…”

 

The arrogant elitist and plainly anti-government racism prevalent at the Fox News department was on full display this last weekend on ABC with the appearance, from under a nearby slimy putrid rock , of its president Roger Ailes.

This Fox-Network of Orwellian proportions has entered its vocabulary into the minds of the American stupid and gullible white racists and scared shitless old people. A new poll proves this without a doubt.

Overwhelming amounts of REPUBLICANS are sprouting such inane insanity that one must think of them as overloading on 3 Stooges DVD’s.

THEY HAVE BECOME THOSE GUYS IN MONTY PYTHON WITH HANDKERCHIEFS ON THEIR HEADS AND THEIR PANTS ROLLED UP STANDING IN THE STREET SAYING “DUH DUH!”  

It’s now a matter of Fox news commentors seeing how far down the path of seditious comments they can go before some very very angry people with brains burn the place to the ground with all of them  in it and take Roger Ailes into custody for being a lying fat fuck!  Are these words too strong for you?.. just see if you can watch Glen Beck and Sean Hannity if you are a normal human being and tell us they are not saying and implying far worse than that on the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

And the worst is yet to come. This new poll shows that many of REPULSI-CANS think Obama isn’t an American…is a  racist who hates whites…a socialist…is on the side of terrorists..that  Acorn stole the election…plus he should be impeached.  When asked what proof they had for all these accusations most of them said the following .. “THEY HEARD IT ON TV!”  Well well well…  

When asked why he should be impeached.. they looked confused and watched an episode of “Lost!” 

And now the Republicans and Fox News have decided to make Obama look like a “soft on terrorism” weak President.

NOT ONLY IS THIS NOT TRUE AT ALL…BUT IT ALSO INVITES OUR ENEMIES TO STRIKE AT US.

This is downright dangerous. Roger Ailes and the gang should be ashamed of themselves instead of sounding like they own the airwaves… we are a sick society if we have sunk to the level of hate and racism that these polls and this network along with Limbaugh and the rest of the hugely successful multi- millionaire continue to load on their 20,000,000 plus fans. 

Oh and an even more dangerous thing that other polling asked :” Is Sarah Plain a more qualified president than Obama…. and ANOTHER large GOP majority said “yes!”

Sarah Palin is qualified to be a money hungry lying con artist…so perhaps that PRESIDENTIAL poll is correct in REPUBLICAN eyes.  Thats what we got with 8 years of Bush so let;s go back to the good ‘old boy’ days!

The country barely withstood that terrible take over of our society and now the FOX/GOP is back trying to do it again.

 And next month rumor has it that in certain REPUBLICAN controlled districts and States in the South  people will begin to be penalized for being smart!

“Dont Ask Don’t Tell” will be kept on in these Southern States also… but not in the military but if your next door neighbour has ever watched watched lesbians like Rachel Maddow or Ellen!!

Guru Bernie says: “If you watch too much of Murdoch’s Fox News you may turn into an Australian”

Thoughts..

CBS SUPER BOWL.. rather see a JANET NIPPLE than a PRO-LIFE ad .. less obscene.

Were the producers of the Grammies on crystal meth?

After seeing him on ABC somebody should tell the slobbish Roger Ailes about The Biggest Loser” 

Slob-nik Roger Ailes (the Prez of Fox News) not only is full of &*% he looks like he overdonated at the trans-fat factory!

On the other hand Taylor Swift is thinner than a narrow stick!

Rush Limbaugh as a judge of the Miss America Pageant is like the Spanish Inquisition with breast enhancements.

Stephen Colbert at the Grammies last night did a great impression of a bad Conan replacement.  

Pink looked like a sexy fire hydrant…and spoiled Nicole Kidman’s hair do!

It was the battle of the Grammy Diva’s and Pink punked them all.

Madam Gaga is a bigger put on than Blago…

Hip Hop took a back seat to Pop Pop…

Taylor Swift turned sideways and nobody could find her.

Roger Ailes said on ABC he’s pose nude for $100.. we’de rather see his pose on the tracks in front of a fast moving express train!!

THE MASTER BLASTER !!

 

If you saw the Obama/GOP debate last night on various nets you saw a history lesson of monumental proportions.

You saw Obama go into the lion’s den and out the fake lions as sheep!

A masterly performance at the REPUBLICAN retreat puts the Go-Bama back- in- the- saddle as our real President!

The GOP will rue the day they thought they could trap their enemy and put him away with an ambush Q&A session on their own turf. Obama went to their turf and mowed it down.

Didn’t happen the way these name sake “cocky and arrogants” wanted it to.

Obama punked them! 

THEY DIDN’T STAND A CHANCE AGAINST THE GREATEST ORATOR  OF OUR TIME. What did they think they were going to do ..outwit him.?. at least they were polite and didn’t throw bread rolls.

‘Go-Bama slayed the dragon of what ever image the GOP was trying to portray him as.. and took down their every argument with such an articulate flair they sat there slack-jawed in admiration or shock or both.

This was, to the DEMOCRATS  who saw it,  the GOP’s WATERLOO  to quote idiot Senator man Jim DeMint’s words in reverse.

This unbelievable event finished for ever the myth of the teleprompter prop stupidity and any doubt the GOP might have of thinking Sarah Palin might make a practical knowledgable opponent against a President so in touch with the details of running a country….or anybody else of a Red State bent raising their hand right now. 

When the Fox News channel finally realized their side was going down the tubes they cut away from the GOP retreat before it was over so they could immediately start to spin the meeting as a victory for them.

No way Jose!!  We saw a President of the United States..better than Clinton…better than Jimmy Carter at ’splainin ‘to the plain folks what we DEMOCRATS are all about.. and how we plan to change things for the better for all of us!

All we have to do now is just keep playing portions of this debate and also cut to the REPUBLICANS sitting on  their hands at the State of the Union when the Prez actually talked about some of the GOP’s thoughts as being good ideas….ands them not even realizing how stupid they looked defying themselves for God’s sake.

We could be wrong of course..but the confidence in this man’s performance against all odds and in the most hostile of environments may have turned some from PARTISAN HACKS BACK INTO AMERICANS.

Probably asking too much don’t you think?

 

We’re the Angry Forkers…so watch out Tea Baggers…

OBAMA..OBAMA …SIGNS THINGS COULD BE TURNING!!

 

So the completely white panel of Fox pundits call Obama an arrogant cocky punk after the State of the Union!

REALLY GUYS…that’s like the FOX calling the kettle BLACK!

It was so thinly disguised racism it looked like it was designed at Weight Watchers!!

So the arrogant cocky punk..stood up there are took down a rude objectionable right-wing extremist activist Supreme Court and its bobble head Alito.. dared the GOP to move off the dime and somehow in one speech started to get the independent vote back.

Oh and  by the way the news today might make a cocky punk even more on the right track with the peeps.

THE ECONOMY HAS JUMPED 5.7% THE MOST IN 6 YEARS!!

THE FORDS MOTOR COMPANY IS IN PROFIT AFTER 4 YEARS…and GM IS ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY.

He’s put 2,000,000 people back to work…but still has a long way to go… He stopped a depression and on his watch and true to his promise..he’s brought home the Marines from Iraq.

So as far as some of us we’ll take a cocky punk over what ever the REPUBLICANS are trying to put up against him. If it’s the Governor of Virginia …after the ridiculous imitation presidential robo-pol performance in the GOP rebuttal ..go for it..

Obama would make mince meat of any of the so called front-runners.. The guy has made some mistakes and he’s willing to say so..not like the wimp ass moron who ran the country into nowhere’s ville for 8 years.

What a tiny insignificant piece of work Bush looks now compared to this towering elegant American patriot.

We’ve hit on Obama here ..but so we now want to get behind him and fight with him to finally rid ourselves of the ridiculous posturing and arrogance of the opposition…who have lost all sense od the dignity and the respect for the office of President..now woneder look who they looked up to for 8 years a Wimpy little moron in the control of the corps who are now trying to regain their momentum.   

We’d be with Obama even if he were cocky…because what the hell is the alternative.

A  right wing take over of a middle of the road country!!

BREAKING DOWN THE REPUGS!

What we need is a Democratic strategy that confounds the Right with an equal dishing out of dirt!

We need our own ass*& les!!

George Soros will you please start-up the Anti-Fox Network… You don’t need Air America’s fairness and softness we need a blitzkrieg from the left.

Shock troops ..The Angry Villagers.. we got’ em we got the show ..we got the personal..we can do this!

We can hit hard and we can stand there with a pitch fork as a symbol ..not a tea bag!

We can be the Angry Forkers .. we can be the Mother Forkers ..lets go Cocomo! 

http://FunnyOrDie.com/m3dm8

CHECK US OUT..PICK UP A PITCH FORK AND JOIN US AS THE MOTHER FORKERS!!

THE TEE SHIRTS ..SOON.

Don’t give me any of that Right Wing Bull#$%!~

PANIC THE PEOPLE!!PANIC THE DEMS!! ITS WORKING ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE??”

 

Are we to believe the main stream media’s constant attacks on reality!

It’s all over for Obama!! 

THEY’VE BEEN SAYING THAT SINCE HE GOT INTO OFFICE…

We’ve got to move back to the centre….gain back the independents.. the indies are mad at Obama for not doing enough..for co-opting the banks and Wall street..they are NOT going REPUBLICAN because they want Bush policies back…are they?

If they are then we’re a bunch of LEMMINGS  going over the cliff for the last time folks!

It’s impossible  to believe that by saying “No” to everything and by acting like complete assholes the GOP is winning the hearts and minds of America.. If this is the case …then we are complete assholes.

We’re just getting it all wrong here.. and that includes all the idiots in Washington and even Obama.

HAS THIS COUNTRY STRICTLY GON TO THE DOGS….Oh yes we did reinstate Michael Vick even though he strangled dogs with his bare hands…A judge did allow the abortion doctor killer to claim a” just killing” as his defense.  We just elected an ex- nude male center fold model to Ted Kennedy’s MASSACHUSETTS  seat.  

So it’s going to be over for Obama.?…he seems think this himself..Oh no!! he’s been watching too much Fox news !!

And of course Rush is telling us the banks are “run by Jews”.. and Obama is now coming out against their profits and so he’s anti-Semitic.  This crazy logic is believed by his 20,000,000 rapid listeners. 

So where are we….In danger of becoming once again the laughing-stock of the rest of the World as far as our government and our media is concerned… Democracy at its worst.

But wait what about Hollywood?  We’re still number one AVATAR surpasses Titanic as a billion dollar profit thing…

It’s an anti-war anti-corporation message of monumental proportions..and in 3D!

We’re rooting for Ft Blue people who’ve been invaded by the Marines.. and in the movie the Blue people and a turn coat marine kill the marines and win back their country fro the nasty corporate invaders…who appear to be us!

So we’re in there cheering for our defeat.. ans thats what the main  stream media is doing to the country right now .. thats what Fox news and what the GOP is doing right now.. cheering for the defeat of this America so they can return to the Bush America that so fucked us ..

PANIC THE PEOPLE… PANIC THE DEMS… ITS WORKING ..ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE??? 

Congrats James Cameron….an American Icon…..who’s …er….er….er…Canadian.

and another thing..check out this picture it says it all !!

Weird HEADLINES!

 ”THE GO FIGURE PAGE!”

 ”HAITIAN TELETHON MAKES MONEY AND IS AN EPIC WELL PRODUCED MUSIC SHOW”

WEIRD FACTOR: It was on news channels MSNBC and CNN.

“RAVING RIGHT WING TEA BAGGERS HELP ELECT REPUBLICAN IN MASSACHUSETTS”

WEIRD FACTOR: Senator elect Scott Brown is pro-choice!

“POLLS SHOW ANGER  AT OBAMA’S POLICIES”

WEIRD FACTOR: Polls show Obama is still way way head of any Republican challenger.

 ”SUPREME COURT RULING ON CAMPAIGN FINANCING HELPS CORPORATIONS AND GOP.” 

WEIRD FACTOR: Many Republicans and corporations are condemning it! 

“CONAN O’BRIEN BRIBED TO LEAVE BECAUSE NBC SAID HIS RATINGS WERE BAD”

WEIRD FACTOR: Conan O’Briens last week of ratings beat the shit out of the opposition.

“JOHN EDWARDS ADMITS TO FATHERING THE CHILD OF HIS MISTRESS”

WEIRD FACTOR: The National Enquirer who broke the story want to get the Pultizer prize!

Hi Daily McCainers

Hi Daily McCainers;

This is the new improved way that I’m getting my rocks off. It will grow and even have photos that might make you puke.

 

Please feel free to post your comments.

 

Yours in a new form of government and new beginnings.

 

Chris Bearde

DAILY McCain 9.21.08

 

 

 

AARP has a movement in the works with the slogan: “ We’re all not as stupid as McCain”

 

 

Due to the economic situation McCain’s campaign today went into foreclosure.

 

 

Obama has stopped campaigning to allow McCain more room to make an ass of himself.

 

 

Sarah Palin due to her local popularity tanking… last night fired the state of Alaska.  

 

 

**Also noted: Donald Trump sickened by the fact that he lost $160,000,000 plus tips last week fired everyone within a 5 mile radius of his house. 

 

 

Sarah Palin refused to take questions again today which pissed Bristol off because she lost the number of the baby sitter.  

 

 

The President Karzai of Afghanistan says the only reason he’s meeting Sarah Palin is ‘caus Cindy bought him a tall redhead and gave him a house.

 

 

British Banks have bought Lehman Brothers and other assets turning America back into one of Britain’s richest colonies.

 

 

McCain’s new television ad says: “Are you kidding me?..the man is black!!”

 

 

Palin was overheard saying “Wait ‘till we get in..there’s more than one way to skin a country”

 

 

Jay..I think its the rapture!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily McCain 9.22.08

 

McCain was given an honorary Emmy last night for best supporting presidential candidate in a Palin vice presidency.

 

McCain says he wants to “end corporate greed” so he could divorce some of it.

 

The unconcerned way McCain is treating the economic meltdown you’d think he had 9 houses and 13 cars.

 

McCain endorses the Bush plan to bail out Wall Street with tax payer’s money while pretending to be lucid.  

 

Today McCain agreed with himself and then denies he did and will now debate himself instead of Obama this Friday.  

 

Larry Flynt says McCain’s problem is like a sex change operation.. “You have your member cut off one day and the next day you want it sewn back on. 

 

Friday’s debate between Obama and McCain will separate the men from the Old Boys.

 

McCain’s became nervous when Palin asked him what color she should pick for the Lincoln bedroom.

 

McCain’s concerned about the planned duck hunting party with Cheney right after the inauguration.

 

Palin and Cheney are planning a Halloween party where the guests have to come as dressed as armament.

 

In Katie Couric’s CBS interview Palin is insisting on “best out of 3” in the arm wrestling segment.      

 

GEORGE JOHN & SARAH

 

 

 

Daily McCain 9.25.08

Dm 9.25.8.

 

 

McCain‘s suspension of his campaign and his flying back to Washington to “help America through a crisis” will have a musical score by John Williams

   

In making this bold move McCain looked Presidential for 30 seconds then reverted back to sock puppet.

  

McCain was just awarded “Stuntman of the Year Award.” for jumping out of a campaign with no parachute.

 

McCain’s health questioned again…his integrity suffered another relapse and is not expected to recover.

 

McCain in another bold move threatened to fire everyone he doesn’t like.

 

Bush offers fear of making Godzilla angry again as reasons to sign the bail out bill.

 

Bush, now an ineffective lame duck, threatened Congress with a visit from Barbara Bush and a bull whip unless they signed the bill.

 

McCain is attempting to postpone the Palin/Biden debate until after the elections.

 

Katie Couric’s interview with Sarah Palin was close captioned for the “red necked”.

 

Katie’s interview with Governor Palin proved Alaskan voters must smoke strong weed.

 

In Katie’s interview Palin said we could be heading towards a major depression….she based this assumption on what she was reading on the teleprompter.

 

Foreign Leaders meeting Palin said they: “liked the cute way she didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about.”

 

The Ukrainian leader said: “The only button she should get near is on a shirt”   

 

What is Palin hiding…did she failed foreign policy 101 or is she pregnant again?

 

 

 

EDITOR’S NOTE.

As GOP polls sink slowly in the West…we are reminded however that Dick Cheney is sitting in his bunker somewhere plotting to start a war, declare martial law and installing Sarah Palin as World Dominatrix….even if this doesn’t happen I’m writing the screenplay….and I’m getting excited!    

 

 

        

 

   

Daily McCain 9. 26. 08.

9.26.08

 

 

McCain took full responsibility today for stopping the bail out vote from happening

He said “Until I know what I’m talking about I will remain strong and uniformed.”

 

McCain is hoping for cancellation of the Vice Presidential debate until he tells Sarah

the economic plan he hasn’t thought up yet.

   

McCain began to get a serene look about him late tonight when he realized he was no longer of this planet.

 

McCain is accused of not suspending his campaign…Bill Clinton defending McCain said.. “It all depends on what suspend means”  

 

McCain won’t release his health report and said: I’m as healthy as my blood transfusions and the nightly Tequila and vitamin B 12 enema allow me to be.”

 

Commenting on the debate crisis Mr T said today “I pity the fool who suspends.”

 

Russians with binoculars said they can see Sarah Palin’s house..she isn’t around  but there’s a bunch of kids with guns and knives running all over the place.

 

Miss South Carolina will join the Palin foreign policy team to assist Sarah.. she joins The Great Kreskin, Marie Osmond and Goofy.

 

Katie Couric’s says that Palin’s comment: “Our next door neighbors are foreign countries” at least shows she has a sense of geography.

 

Trooper Gate advisories were confronted by Palin’s pastor today… he threw white powder on them and sacrificed a small rodent…he told them if they persisted in being evil to Palin he would turn them into a giant pile of Polar Bear shit.

 

Joe Biden is preparing for his debate with Palin by visiting Charles Gibson and Katie Couric currently recovering from their interviews in the psychiatric ward at Bellvue.

 

All doubt about Palin’s abilities to look like a stunned clueless uneducated uniformed inarticulate klutz were put to rest last night on CBS…if she doesn’t make VP she’s perfect for a Fox news anchor.

           

Some Republicans want McCain to replace Palin with a more intelligent and vastly more articulate popular figure with the looks of Schwarzenegger and the voice of the guy who does the Lexus commercials.

 

McCain attended a “laying on of hands” ceremony at Sarah’s church…Unfortunately

Sarah told him to lay his hands on the folks needing saving and not on her.

 

After hearing Palin on CBS the Joint Chiefs of Staff smoked a joint.                                     

 

 

Get your old ass out of town!

Daily McCain 9.27. 08

Dm 9.27 08

 

 

 

After last nights debate they’re calling McCain the leader of the “Nasty Party”

 

Republicans rejoiced last night that repeating the words “doesn’t understand” and “I’m a maverick” at the end of each sentence keeps John in the running with voters who like wind up toys.

 

John McCain’s excuse for appearing grumpy last night was that his underwear had crept uncomfortably up his butt crack.

 

It took 6 strong armed Republican goons to unlock McCain’s jaw

after the debate.

 

And doctors are still at work trying to remove his look of disgust and anger.

 

The reason McCain didn’t look at Obama?.. He put his contact lenses on inside out and he was looking at himself the whole time.

 

Obama wins points on the economy while McCain lost the notes he’d written on a napkin at Denny’s.

 

Sarah Palin says McCain won the election.

 

McCain came across like the grouch who had his momentum

stolen.

 

The debate was seen by 65,000,000 people and at least 3 of them still owned their homes.

 

If looks could kill it’s a good thing McCain didn’t take a peek at Obama.

 

Obama came across presidential and McCain came across as presidential if he were running for president of an anger management seminar. 

 

Obama looks cool and confident and McCain looked like he hated that

Obama looked cool and confident.

 

Although Biden was all over the networks Sarah Palin was being kept in the hermetically sealed “no comment” room high atop the Chrysler Building

 

A photo released by the McCain campaign defends Palin’s foreign policy knowledge by showing her pointing to “where Europe is on a map.”

 

The Vice Presidential debate committee will not be fooled if McCain keeps Palin under wraps and substitutes Joe Lieberman in drag.

  

Obama is way ahead in the “uppity” vote.

Nope-a-dope!!

 

Daily McCain 9.28.08

 McCain hasn’t read the revised melt down settlement yet as it has to be translated into Olde English.  

 

McCain has been accused of growling at a Gallup poll employee.  

 

McCain asked to star in “Grumpy Old Men 3.”Word has it that Cheney. Lieberman, Ashcroft, Rove, Kissinger, Wolfowitz, Greenspan and Rumsfeldwill play other grumpy old guys with serious erectile dysfunctions.

 

 

McCain is currently under a doctor’s care getting his bad taste out of his mouth

 

McCain’s temper tantrums have calmed down since his mom found his old teddy bear “Attila”.

 

 The Democrats have decided there’s gonna be no more “Mr. Nice Guy” …From now on Obama will be known as  “The Not So Mr. Nice Guy! 

 

Democrats have started to toughen Obama up and tomorrow he’ll be introduced to his new manager of communications….Mike Tyson.

 

A RUMORED REPORT.

It seems that McCain lost his mind during the melt down crisis. He became Broccoli… his loyal staff went ape shit when they realized Broccoli can’t pay them!  

 

 

The real John McCain has now admitted he’s clinically insane. Most Republicans think this is just what the country needs in a President.

 

“Wipe Out” Magazine has named John McCain as “The American Most Likely to Kill Millions of Us”

 

After McCain said: “I love the veterans and they love me…” there was this giant sucking sound of veterans blowing chunks.

 

Palin’s pastor, after being sequestered in his bathroom for a week, revealed today that Joe Biden is a son of a witch!

 

Sarah said she’s distanced herself from her Pastor but will sacrifice a duck before facing Joe. 

 

Dick Cheney has been prepping Sarah for her big debate…after they compared shotguns Dick taught her how to attack defenseless little countries with oil reserves.

 

The Trooper Gate Scandal got more serious yesterday when a lawyer for the defense had to go home to have lunch.

 

Several Foreign ministers refrained from meeting Sarah on their recent American visit when they found out she doesn’t kiss on a first date.

 

McCain seeing that most people say Obama won the debate has decided to pull another grand standing stunt by changing into a Leprechaun.

 

McCain trying to distance himself from George Bush has asked him to change his name to Marvin. 

 

 

Due to the meltdown Bush has started regressing…he was seen on the White House Lawn yesterday riding a tricycle.  

 

 

 

What's this "chicks with dicks" thing?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daily McCain 9.30.08

D m 9 30. 08

 

 

When a tough old granny said their president is a weak blithering incompetent fool…The Republicans rose as one person and pouted!    

 

Its part of the Republican creed when the truth hurts …sulk!

 

McCain blamed Obama for the vote against the bailout and Chinese tainted milk.

 

Also today McCain blamed his mother for making him.

 

Also today McCain blamed the press for Hurricane Ike and then an hour later withdrew the blame and re-blamed Obama.

 

McCain and Palin went on CBS last night and explained Pakistan to each other.

 

The McCain campaign is not hiding Palin from the press but from Alaskan process servers.

 

Di Nero has announced that in his next movie he will copy McCain’s authentic condescending smirk and his utter contempt look.

 

Padin has crammed Joe Biden’s 20 years experience in foreign policy decisions into a quick study weekend at John and Cindy’s. She expects to win points on barbecue and poker.

 

In the debate Palin plans to go on the offensive by attacking the English language.

 

Sarah is being told there are g’s at the end of some words she’ll be using like annihilatin’.. carpet bombin’ and invadin’!!

 

Joe Biden’s strategy is to bring a map and ask Palin where she is on it. 

Waiting for McGodot!

Daily McCain 10. 2. 08.

 

 

 

McCain’s current mood makes some call campaign “The Straight Jacket Express.”

 

 

The McCain claim that Venezuela is in The Middle East now verified by Sarah Palin.

 

 

Cindy McCain denies Palin’s “Ms. Six Pack” description is product placement.

 

 

As McCain becoming more agitated the press think of wearing flack jackets.

 

 

McCain might break a chair over Obama’s head says a concerned Jerry Springer.

 

 

Palin to look Presidential at debate by wearing a John F. Kennedy mask.  

 

 

Katie Couric commenting on Sarah said: “A mind is a terrible thing to lose just before an election”

 

 

Although Palin can’t remember more than one Supreme Court decision in a close election she may be part of another.

 

 

Nobody in their right mind thinks Sarah Palin would make a great president.. but then again McCain isn’t in his right mind.    

 

 

What a ticket The Old and the Beautiful.

 

 

If McCain gets in will Cindy be second lady?

 

 

 

Glug Glug...McCain now vote

 

 

   

       

Daily McCain 10.3 .08

10. 3. 08.

 

THE  DEBATE.

 

Last night American saw its future… Dick Cheney with breasts.

 

 

Katie Couric  is convinced an evil twin showed up last night.

 

 

Does America want stop capture animation a heart beat away from the presidency?

 

 

Sarah Palin managed to get through the entire debate without breathing.

 

 

McCain sent congratulations from Michigan where he was getting the deposit back on his campaign headquarters.

 

 

Palin answered her own questions and won that part of the debate.

 

 

The first debate polls show Joe Biden looked presidential and Sarah Palin looked residential.  

 

 

Sarah Palin passed her audition last night and will be Regis Philbin’s next co host.

 

 

Comments ranged from: “Great if you like Desperate Housewives ”

 

 

Palin’s performance last night saw Diabetics all over the country shooting up.

 

 

Bill Clinton said: “Palin’s a chocolate candy. I wanted to press her to see if she had a soft center”

 

 

McCain was so pleased with Palin’s performance he’s decided to let her lie for him.

 

 

Joe Biden had all his facts straight …Sarah Palin had all her facts inserted into her head by electronic sensors.

 

 

Palin says she’s not answering any more questions for the press but she will take questions from Alex Trebeck.

 

 

QUOTED REPEAT LINES:  

 

Palin scored with 134 “Mavericks”, 230 “American Peoples” while Biden countered with  234 “Old farts”and 347” Possible Alzheimer’s.”

 

 

The creators of Tweety Bird are suing.

 

 

Americans looked at the two people on stage last night and decided that 30 years experience beats operating a snow blower.

 

 

A fast talking -folksy- know it all attitude combined with cute little insincere winks made men polled say Sarah reminded them of wives they recently divorced.

 

 

Republicans say Palin is perfect… she likes all the Bush policies but doesn’t have Barbara Bush as a mother.

 

 

Hillary Clinton said “ She would’ve done better in a pant suit with a surprise appearance by Steve Martin”

 

 

Jesus says Joe is dog meat!

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

Daily McCain 10.6.08

10 .6.08

 

 

GLOVES OFF ADS.

McCain’s accusations about Obama having a tail and being a terrorist leather queen with bubonic plague were verified today by Fox News and Palin’s pastor.

 

McCain wants to “turn the page” on the financial crisis and get down to the serious business of telling America that Obama is actually the spawn of Beelzebub.    

 

 

McCain readies himself for the next debate by attempting to look at black people.

 

 

Palin draws big crowd a Home Depot where she was offered the job of branch manager.

 

 

Ominous rumors talk about Cheney buying Palin a pair of jack boots.

 

 

 

John McCain’s health care plan includes not releasing his medical records.

 

 

John McCain’s economic plan is still missing and believed to be in a locker at Grand Central Station.

 

 

Sarah Palin has been voted the vice presidential candidate most men would like to have vice with.

 

 

Sarah Palin will be a wink away from the White House.

 

 

 

Joe Biden was the only person in the debate who wasn’t running for President.

 

 

 

CHINESE PROVERB.

Being cute and winking at guys does not entitle one to be vice president but can get audition at Peppermint Rhino.

 

 

Even when McCain tells the truth now it sounds sleazy.

 

 

Palin confirmed today that Dinosaurs and people lived together at the same time and they made great pets.

 

 

 

McCain’s charisma is currently under intensive care and doctors don’t expect it to live.

 

 

 

Palin has bravely offered to give him a charisma transfusion but doctors say the insincerity will kill it.      

 

 

   

 

 

The Fox Special on the economy was going to be hosted by Bill O’Reilly but he had to be tranquilized after trying to shut Barney Frank up.

 

 

 

Palin warns comics…“When I’m president you make fun of me and you’ll be playin’ Igloos for scale.

 

 

When asked if when she’s president she might declare Martial Law to pacify an angry public? Palin replied “I’d like to consult with Marshall on that one”   

       

 

 

My friends..are you outthere?

Daily McCain 10. 7. 08

10.7.08.

 

SLEAZE AND SLIME.    

 

Tonight’s debate is moderated by Tom Brokaw who

some say is John McCain’s bitch.

 

 

McCain to claim he thought he was using his influence to help the JACKSON 5.

     

 

Reports confirm McCain will wink at the audience tonight and try to sound Alaskan.

 

 

Rush Limbaugh knows McCain will win the debate 

even if he doesn’t.

 

 

Cindy McCain says she’d like to see a sane McCain show up tonight and if anyone can find one let her know.    

 

 

McCain being coached in how to look relaxed when he knows he’s dog meat.

 

 

McCain’s negative attack ads are working on people who don’t usually close their mouths unless they have to.

 

 

During the debate McCain is calling on Sarah Palin’s pastor to make Obama start talking in Swahili.

 

 

 

McCain will be in a different mood tonight he’s expected to go all the way from grumpy to terminally morose.

 

 

 

Obama to bring up Palin’s pastor. He is currently presiding over a reggae and virgin sacrifice festival in the Bahamas.

 

 

 

Palin’s husband leaves right after the debate to attend “The Annual Nome Line Dance and Wolf Slaughter” charity drive.

 

 

 

Palin has been chosen as a center fold for “Guns and Ammo”

 

 

 

Cindy McCain, now in the background, was bumped from the Straight Talk Express and had to call a cab.

 

 

 

Cindy McCain has been seen having secret lunches with intelligent women.

 

 

We don’t want to say anything but Cindy’s been seen crying in her beer.

 

 

Palin wears high heels so she can see over her piles of horse shit.

 

 

Hillary Clinton is a woman in politics and Sarah Palin is a woman in denial.         

 

 

Palin’s ego is only surpassed by her visions of

Nuclear holocaust

 

 

Mr T says “I pity the fool who wants to blow my ass up!”

 

What do you mean?..this is my happy face!

 

 

 

 

  

     

 

   

  

 

    

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

     

 

 

   

 

 

 

   

Daily McCain 10/8/08

10 .8.08

 

DEBATE VAUDEVILLE SPECIAL

 

MUSICAL CUE: PLAY ON

 

CB COMES OUT WITH BIG YELLOW SHOES AND A PROPELLER BEANIE

 

Good morning ladies and germs…A funny thing didn’t happened at the debate last night…. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

It was about as much fun as watching a pajama sale on HSN.

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain clarifies his “that one” comment saying : “What I meant to say was “The Darkie!”

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain looked like he was playing all the parts in a remake of “12 Angry Men”

BAROOMBOM!

 

Last night it was Obama versus “The Night Stalker!”

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain looked like he’d over donated at the blood bank.

BAROOMBOM!

 

The last time I saw a face like McCain’s… it had a hook in it!!

BAROOMBOM!!

 

Don’t stop me now….!!

 

It looked like one of the 7 Dwarfs got out and it wasn’t Bashful….

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain looked like he was suppressing a fart. ** Attributed to Joe Klein.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Somebody had to wake Tom Brokaw up during a McCain answer that didn’t even make sense to McCain.

 BAROOMBOM!

 

Obama looked cool comfortable…McCain look like he wanted to be in the Bahamas.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Sean Connery said Obama was shaken but not stirred.

BAROOMBOM!

 

We’re not saying McCain looked up tight but his suit looked like it was wearing him.

BAROOMBOM!

 

We’re not saying McCain looked up tight but a smile was not his umbrella.

BAROOMBOM!

 

McCain refused to shake Obama’s hand at the end of the debate ..he forgot his anti bacterial wipes!

BAROOMBOM!

 

When McCain cracked a joke that went over like a lead balloon he blamed Dennis Miller.

BAROOMBOM!

 

When McCain seemed to look at Obama….he was actually looking for an exit.

BAROOMBOM!

 

At the end McCain shook hands with Tom Brokaw and told Obama to go fuck himself.

BAROOMBOM!

 

We’re not saying that McCain lacks tact but he blew it when he told the black guy

“You probably thought Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were members of the Staple Singers.”

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

When asked what she thought of the debate Sarah Palin said: “He should’ve had highlights”

BAROOMBOM!

 

But seriously folks!!!!

 

Sarah Palin will be back on the campaign trial tomorrow inciting angry villagers with pitch forks to attack Saturday Night Live and rip Lorne Michaels and Tina Fey new assholes.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

McCain left right after the debate and went to his “private screaming room”

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

When asked where they was going after the debate Cindy said ..We have to stay in Nashville tonight so I bought a house.

BAROOMBOM.

 

 

These are these jokes folks!!

 

 

Dick Cheney called Sarah Palin right after the debate and told her that McCain’s nasty accident

will take place on a Wednesday afternoon soon.

BAROOMBOM!

 

The only thing that can save the Republicans is martial law.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Biden ran into John and said “I know John McCain and senator you’re no John McCain”

BAROOMBOM!

 

I got a million of ‘em!!!

 

What other show have you stared at tonight??    *** Attributed to Carrot Top

 

Mattell will bring out the Sarah doll next month it comes with a pit bull, a shotgun and a hidden agenda.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 Sir…wake your wife up and pull up her panties ..there are perverts in the house!! **Attributed to Redd Foxx.

 

“I just flew in from Vegas and boy are my arms tired!” ** Attributed to Isiah. 5.9.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Thank you folks ..I’ll see you in the lobby ..I got DVD’s and a picture of me with David Zucker before he had his

sense of humor removed.

 

“Should’ve  picked you Joe you’ve got

balls the size of New England!”

 

Daily McCain 10 .8. 08

10 9 08.

 

*Note:

As this is the day of atonement please accept congratulations for actually having a day like this!

 

And now back to the election farce!!

 

Cindy McCain slimes Obama policies and does simultaneous product placement for Versace and Farigamo

 

 

Palin was in high end Ross Dress for Less and even higher stiletto heels.

 

 

There’s nothing like having a millionaire wife with 10 un-foreclosed houses speaking for the middle class! 

 

 

Hugh Heffner says that McCain standing between 2 chicks with no credentials is copying his gig.       

 

   

The only recession Cindy will ever see is in John’s poll numbers.

 

 

John should explained why he left the debate early…Obama had given him the shits.

 

 

Mr. Blackwell made an early prediction this week saying  “Sarah Palin looked about as presidential as Pamela Anderson after a night on the town with Tommy Lee.”

    

 

 

When Obama won the debate the top of Sean Hannity’s head blew off.. Hannity was rushed to a hospital where the doctors had a hard time locating any intelligence.

 

 

McCain’s debate answers were so boring they will be used in tests to calm stud horses.

 

 

After a Republican columnist calls Sarah Palin a terminal disease Sarah had a crowd riot… rip him to pieces and fed to rabid dogs.  John McCain said : “I’m John McCain and I approve those rabid dogs.”

 

 

Palin’s crowds are starting to ask for arm bands swastikas and marching orders.

 

 

Palin will be at Doubleday to sign the just re- released  black leather bound edition of “Mien Kampf”

 

 

Palin defying her critics said she’s ready to become president or dictator… if that’s what the American people want her to be.

   

 

McCain calls crowd his” fellow prisoners” Palin said “He didn’t mean you guys he meant them darn Peaceniks.”

 

 

Steve Schmitt says McCain will try a new shock tactic this week… he will bite the heads off live chickens.

     

 

Psychiatrist’s  say  Palin’s high heels and short skirts are causing young Republicans to skip Bund meetings and spend more time behind locked bathroom doors.

 

**TRUTH.

An extreme right wing religious group is praying for God to “Smite McCain” if he gets elected…Sarah Palin has condemned this as an act of irresponsibility but with some merit to it.

 

The Sheriff in Florida who used Obama’s middle name when introducing Palin, has been reprimanded and  given a much smaller gun.

 

Palin visited the Sheriff hugged him meaningfully and told him if she gets to be president he can have an even bigger gun than his other big gun. The Sheriff was then taken to sex addiction rehab where he met David Ducoveny who took his gun away and replaced it with valium and green tea.   

EDITOR’S NOTE:

People have been hesitant to say that the reason polls are still close is that Obama is a big tall intelligent  black man…and this doesn’t go down with many Americans….…. and there are other people who are hesitant to say that Sarah Palin is a dangerously unhinged vindictive lunatic fringe trailer trash ditzoid who actually has the audacity and pumped up ego to think she’s ready to run this  country.                                                    

 So I’m saying it.. Obama is a black man!

 

I can

 ”I can’t get that winking out of my mind!!”

 

 

 

Daily McCain 10.10.08.

10.10.08

 

McCain caused a stir today when he called Obama a “thing”

 

Next debate Obama wants to confront McCain mano to old mano  

 

Cindy’s outrage seems a little fake.. How pissed can you be when you have a milk bath every night.   

 

 

NEWS FLASH!!

Sarah Palin has found herself not guilty of all Alaskan wrong doing…she taped herself congratulating herself and then celebrated victory by buying herself lunch.   

 

NEWS FLASH!!

However Palin did abuse power in Alaska and is now abusing the rest of America.     

 

NEWS FLASH!!

McCain says he stands by Palin’s side on the abuse of power and Obama!

 

NEWS FLASH

A crazed Palin incited crowd abused a journalist for reporting her abuse of power.

      

NEWS FLASH!!

McCain accuses Obama of being inexperienced about the abuse of power.  

 

 

When asked to comment Judge Judy said: “I’d put her and the first dude in handcuffs ..but they’d get off on that!”  

 

 

Albert Gonzalez offered his services if she wanted any Alaskan prosecuting attorneys fired. 

 

 

Palin said: “I don’t give a rat’s ass what those pesky little

prosecutors say.. ‘caus I’m gonna be president don’t cha know!”

 

 

Alaskan’s want to run Palin out of town on a rail but she’s never in town.

 

 

Sarah’s involved with a party that wants to get out of the United States..so why don’t they just leave and take her with them!

 

 

The stock market fell another 600 points which is a little less than Palin’s current polling numbers

 

 

Reports say Republican women are “crazy screaming hate filled bitches” at Palin rallies and this is why she’s so popular with men.. “she got them bitches out of the house.”

 

 

John McCain corrected his figures regarding relieving the mortgage crisis.. he forgot to add the tip.

 

OMINOUS RUMOR.

Big oil companies have been heard calling Palin: “You’re Drill-ness’…

 

 

We’re not saying she has visions of grandeur but she’s already picked out the orb and scepter for her coronation.

 

 

What she lacks in intellect she makes up in lack of depth.

 

 

She’s being fitted with new glasses because her perceptions are so out of focus.  

 

 

She’s had a complete makeover so at least she can make a fashion statement that makes some sense.

 

 

She spends at least two hours in the makeup room…learning her lines and hiding the other ones.

 

 

The Palin Newsweek cover is less than flattering ..But it’s made up for by the article inside which is less than that.

 

 

Bringing renewed confidence to his faltering credibility McCain today named Ronald McDonald as his choice for food and drug tsar.

 

 

***A LAME DUCK RUN***

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Dick Cheney took a shot at him.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Barbara Bush isn’t returning his calls.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck other lame ducks make fun of him.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck the thesaurus lists his name under “irrelevant”.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck nobody impersonates him any more.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck the Crawford Gift Store went out of business.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Keith Olberman took his name of the hate list.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck Josh Brolin denies he played him.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck he invaded Iran and nobody knew.

 

George Bush is such a lame duck a Wal-Mart greeter didn’t greet him.

 

 

Oh Sarah..Oh Sarah…

Oh Sarah..Oh Sarah !!

Daily McCain 10. 11. 08.

10.11.08

 

 

McCain’s “ hate crowds”  boo his softer side … to get them back he’ll have to  go on  the Rachel Maddow show and  punch her out.

 

McCain shocked when his crowds recently changed from tank tops and shorts to brown shirts and jack boots.  

 

Palin says give it time …the sex and violence ticket will work like it did for The Marquis De Sade.

 

Palin accuses bipartisan Alaskan Legislature of abuse of power and of being non- bipartisan and bi-sexual.

 

Palin sent an angry mob to the Alaskan Legislature… who didn’t quite understand her orders to “Burn down the Reichstag!”

 

Same sex marriage approval caused Palin to send an angry mob to the Connecticut Legislature to “Burn down the faggot Reichstag!”

 

She sent an angry mob to China to find the Foo Fighters who nixed McCain’s use of  “My Hero”…when the angry mob found the group was not Chinese they became even angrier.

 

When Eric Clapton’s song “I Shot the Sheriff” was changed to: “I Shot the Trooper” he sent an angry mob of A&R people to a Palin rally but they were captured and barbecued.

 

An angry Palin mob started burning copies of the terrorist book manual   “Jayne Ayres”

 

 

Palin attended a ground breaking ceremony yesterday for the brand new “Homicidal Maniacs and American Thugs and Morons For Palin” building”… Also present were the “Women Who Have Lost Their Minds Society” and “The Jews For Jesus but Maybe Not” group.

 

 

When Palin heard she might be a possible Manchurian candidate she laughed and said: “I’m from the great state of Alaska but I love New Englanders”

 

Palin accused of melding church and state in Alaska ..Jesus has refused to come back for the subpoena.

 

GEORGE BUSH TIME.

 

Bush calls 411 every day to see if they’ve found the weapons of mass destruction yet.

 

The women’s Olympic volley ball team has asked Bush to stop the heavy breathing calls.

  

 

 

         “Laura’s not home Tuesdays!” 

    

 

 

        

 

   

Daily McCain 10. 13. 08.

10. 13. 08.

 

When McCain said he’ll “whip Obama’s ass” he was sued for plagiarism by the author of “Mandingo.”

 

McCain defending Palin said :“What’s a little abuse? when she abuses Obama the crowds go berserk.   

  

McCain and Palin continued on their blitzkrieg across America inciting people to discover their inner ignorance.

 

A very angry Palin mob attacked a less than angry Palin mob yesterday.

 

Palin was sent out ahead at a rally in the South yesterday to prevent the crowd from painting themselves blue dancing around a giant fire and sacrificing an Ox

 

When Palin was booed by an angry hockey crowd in Philly she told people:

“See I don’t even have to say anything any more and mobs get angry!”

 

When she was told they were angry at her… she blamed her makeup and hair people.

 

When told the boo’s were because she’s a dumb person she blamed books.

 

When people started throwing beer cans at her she blamed recycling.

 

Fox news showed the clip but edited the booing and replaced it with a clip of Sean Hannity drooling.

 

There’s a report out saying Sean Hannity goes to confession twice a day and it’s all about Sarah!!

 

McCain defended Palin’s extremist religious beliefs by saying “When she speaks in tongues, rolls around on the floor and kisses snakes she’s making diplomatic contact with the Mud People of Northern Sudan and the Ozzie Osborne family.”

 

McCain says he has a new economic plan and then says he doesn’t… he also can’t decide what to wear at the Halloween party; a purple hippo outfit or his disgusting uptight old gnome thing.

 

HALLOWEEN PREVIEW PARTY PREVIEW:

Cindy McCain was awarded first prize as Vampira and she wasn’t even in costume!

BAROOMBOM!

 

Palin went to the same party as an angel with 2 extreme right wings!!

BAROOMBOM!

  

Sean Hannity went to the party disguised as himself and won “best impression of imbecilic blather”   

BAROOMBOM!  

 

Karl Rove went to the party dressed as a scarecrow and didn’t scare anyone anymore!

BAROOMBOM!

 

George Bush went to the party as a lame duck and didn’t even qualify for the booby prize.

BAROOMBOM!

  

Bill & Hillary went to the party as a bunch of sour grapes.

BAROOMBOM

 

I’m not saying these jokes are old folks….but Methuselah used them for toilet paper!!

 

Rachel Maddow , Ellen Degeneres and Rosie went as The Pep Boys!

BAROOMBOM!

 

Paris Hilton went as Claridges!

BAROOMBOM

 

Rush Limbaugh and Bill O’Reilly were so authentic as cockroaches.. they sent for Western Exterminator.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger went as an actual human being with a sense of humor and was disqualified.

BAROOMBOM!   

 

**DISCLAIMER

I did not personally think of these jokes… they were channeled through Shecky Green.. who some of the more mature of you will remember said that immortal line:  “I see funny dead people”.

 

Shecky is the only comic to ever claimed that Jesus was a stand up comic and that some of the disciples

wrote jokes Bob Hope used in his 1978 Christmas special..

 

Shecky is also the only comic that channeled Moses and was told that the 10 commandments had tag lines

and old Jews with no senses of humor edited them out.

 

Shecky also claims that Dan Rowan and Dick Martin and George Schlatter did not think up the format for the “Laugh In”…. The original idea came from Judas who wasn’t a nice guy but had a great sense of pacing……

 

Thank you!

 

           

...

dm

 

10.14 08

 

BANK NEWSFLASH.

 

The ‘small government’ Republicans just took Viagra.

 

From now on the Bank of America will be called the Bank of Everywhere.

 

The Europeans put in addition trillions after William Shatner called them “Nambie Pambies!!”

 

Deregulators who aren’t even dead rolled over in their graves.

 

In a strange phenomenon Republican economic mavens are losing most of their body hair and teeth when the word “NATIONALISE” is said in mixed company.

 

The rich are leaving town with their fortunes tucked between their legs…

 

Construction of a 60 foot high barrier has begun around Wall Street to keep out Visigoths and Paul Krugman.    

 

Paul Krugman is awarded the Nobel Prize for

realizing when the Bush economic people ran out of fingers and toes they were screwed!

 

 

 

Tax payers who now own banks, insurance firms and mortgage companies are forming angry mobs

of personal accountants.

     

McCain unveils his economic plan to cut taxes on the taxes already cut and then cut those taxes.

 

McCain will cut the taxes of the undecided voters in Ohio and those of the main stream media who

stop giggling at Sarah Palin.

 

Palin’s pastor has exonerated her of all abuse of her office and Botox.

 

REPUBLICAN INTERLLECTUALS WATCH

Republican intellectuals today asked McCain if he would “change the tonal quality of his diatribes to include a more subtle and reflective message of

inclusion and anticipation for potential expectations, and to: “tell the crazy trailer trash bitch to shut the fuck up!”

 

McCain is preparing for tonight’s debate by walking softly and carrying some big terrorist shtick.

 

Young male voters are torn…Obama is such a cool figure and Palin has such a great figure.

 

 

A PALIN RUN

 

Sarah Palin sees life through no contact lenses.

 

Sarah Palin can see disaster from her house.

 

Sarah Palin a “kept away from the press” woman

 

Sarah Palin can’t see abuse from her house.

 

Sarah Palin secedes from reality.

 

Sarah Palin insults the intelligence of stupid people

 

New Palin book ‘Vice President for Dummies’

 

Sarah Palin is a dumb blonde without being blonde.

 

Sarah Palin strip searched at the Alaskan border by State Troopers with a chip.

  

Sarah Palin uses her children as a human shield as she walks past MSNBC offices.

 

Sarah Palin gives hockey moms a bad rap.

 

Sarah Palin’s children to lead angry kid’s mob.

 

Sarah Palin says Philly Flyers fans “Terrorists!”  
       

Sarah Palin husband called “Unwise Guy.”  

  

dm

10 15 08

 

 

 

THOUGHTS FOR DISCUSSION.

 

McCain ready to take the fight to Obama tonight by imitating a rabid hate filled crowd of morons.

 

McCain plans to bring up Ayres name, a known bomber in the 60’s as McCain was a known bomber in the 70’s. They were both incarcerated.

 

McCain will stage a comeback tonight by dressing like Ronald Reagan

 

Tonight McCain will say Obama doesn’t deserve to be on the same stage as he is..and he’ll leave!

 

Two of the people yelling ‘kill him’ at Palin rallies have been given merit awards by The Psychopath’s Society and

and are being fitted with honorary white sheets. 

 

The Palin Secret Service detail has not made arrests yet they’ve been too busy changing diapers.

 

Palin’s Secret Service detail do not want to be distracted by dangerous radicals while watching for the “Horny red neck Sarah ass grope phenomenon.”

 

Plans for the Palin pregnant wedding delayed due to abuse of power concerning firing the wedding planner.

 

Fox news will reveal a poll showing that all the other polls are the work of Gay Communists.  

 

Palin set to announce new party as McCain loses it will be known as the 4^th Reich.

 

Obama set to answer terrorist accusations with accusations of McCain palling around with an Alaskan noodle head!

 

Cheney hospitalized with acute nostalgia!

 

Cheney hospitalized in a swing state of depression.

 

Cheney’s having his assault and batteries changes.

 

Lame duck Bush calls Cheney a lame fuck.

 

Cheney’s October surprise…. God!

 

Cheney’s in hospital to have his smirk removed.

 

Due to Cheney’s  illness Palin didn’t get her daily mob incitement list.

 

Cheney called Palin and told her to use her own words

then realized that she’d used them all up with Katie Couric. 

 

Sean Hannity caught with digitally enhanced photos of Sarah Palin’s high heels.

 

Sean Hannity’s current ravings are being documented by

The Sci Fi channel for their biographical  tribute to him: “Look What Can Grow From Hazardous Waste”  

 

 Hannity’s Palin droolings prompted a call from the Pope who said:“Thou shalt not drool or commit adultery!”

 

Sean said: “What about coveting thy neighbor’s wife?”.. The Pope said: “Do you want your head stuck up a Polar Bear’s back entrance.

(This tag would be asshole if it wasn’t the Pope)

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

dm

10 16 08.

 

 

Last night John McCain used the words “Joe the Plumber” 33 times and went down the toilet.

 

Last night McCain looked like he’s swallowed a prune pit and the laxative wasn’t strong enough.

 

McCain’s attempts to bitch slap Obama about William Ayres had all the power of a Richard Simmons seminar on chocolate.

 

McCain lost the debate by using a smile he’d bought from a bad mime.

 

McCain praised Sarah Palin as being ready to become President as long as she had a good pair of binoculars.

 

McCain defended the rabid morons in his rallies by saying: “We will continue to threaten Obama’s life until somebody takes a shot at him”.

 

McCain won the stinky old geezer Poll 60% to 40% with 20% of seniors not remembering who he was or where they were.

 

McCain succeeded in scaring the shit out of old Jews who won’t vote for Obama in Florida unless he comes over for coffee and Kugel.

 

Palin said she didn’t watch the debate due to being sexually harassed by Sean Hannity.

 

McCain’s comments about Palin being ready to take over the reigns of the President caused NORAD to go on maximum alert.

 

The Fox audience gave Obama the debate even though they were tied to chairs by Oliver North and threatened with loud Casey and the Sunshine Band.

 

McCain said afterwards that he thought he’d won the debate against Bob Scheifer.

 

McCain became confused during the debate when Obama started talking

sense.

 

McCain’s health plan is an imaginary fantasy that many in the audience thought would make a great Disney movie.

 

The swift polls taken after the debate showed that John McCain’s likeability factor

was lower than Jeffrey Dahmer and Paulie Shore.

 

McCain will hit the campaign trial tomorrow and will introduce his new tactic letting Sarah Palin be Sarah Palin…. hand grenades and all!!

 

The people of Alaska are signing a giant petition that reads: “We maybe stupid but we’re not that stupid!”

 
Palin’s pastor will hold a special ceremony today to put a further hex on Obama…He said the last one didn’t work because Jesus was taking a few days off at Club Med.          

 

Palin and her husband Todd will dress up as complete nebbishes to fit into the plan to recruit more complete nebbishes.

 

The reporters on CNN agreed that this was McCain’s strongest debate if you like a man who looks like he’s about to stick a pen in his leg.

 

The reporters at CBS agreed that this was McCain’s strongest debate if you like a man who looks like a commercial for embalming fluid.

 

The reporters at Fox news agreed that this was McCain’s strongest debate if you like Sean Hannity’s opinion about anything other than displaying his rampant pant bulge to Sarah.

 

Mr. T said: “I pity the fool who’s a twitchy eye rollin’, lip smackin’, fake smilin’, jaw clenchin’, arm wavin’ angry lookin’ old whitey with a chip!”         

  

Republican intellectuals today channeled Barry Goldwater and asked him if he would come back as Ronald Reagan before he became a stick of celery.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     

dm

10 16 08   

 

VAUDVILLE SPECIAL.

 

CUE THE MUSIC….CHRIS COMES OUT DRESSED IN A CANARY YELLOW SUIT WITH LITTLE LIGHTS THAT FLASH AFTER EACH JOKE WITH THE WORDS “FORGIVE ME!”

 

 

Hi again ladies and drunks….

 

Joe the Plumber just found to be a wrench short of a tool set.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber joins Palin’s campaign to make sure her shit doesn’t stink.

BAROOMBOM!

 

Joe the Plumber tells reporters he’s never met a black tap dancer he didn’t like.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber is so dumb a moron called him stupid.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber will meet with the IRS tomorrow and become “Joe the Plumber without a car, a house and a bank account.”

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber will join John McCain in

tearing Obama a new asshole..but it takes one to know one. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

*** “That joke was sent in by a disgraced Nanny writer.”

 

Joe the Plumber turns out to be a bad jerk.

BAROOMBOM

 

Joe the plumber called a fake by Kreskin.

BARROMBOM!

 

The McCain plumber’s racism floats to the top.

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe the Plumber can’t chew gum and flush at the same time

BAROOMBOM!

 

Joe the Plumber…plunging the McCain campaign to new depths!

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe does not have a plumber’s license due to the fact that the Union doesn’t accept “X” as a signature. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

Joe will be on Sean Hannity’s show tomorrow to discuss how hot it would be to unplug Sarah’s sink. 

BAROOMBOM!

 

 

***”Okay..Okay…please don’t set the dogs

on me…I’m just trying to make a living here!!”

 

***Jokes like these are the reason for the death of network comedy as we knew it.

Writers can thank people like me for having to work as museum curators and gigolos

 

 

***And now for some more serious moments!

 

 

Sarah Palin the most unqualified person in high heels to ever run for VP.. looked at her polls today and fell off them.

 

McCain has no shame, Palin has no clout and Joe the Plumber has no job.

 

**This is a real Obama joke:

‘My middle name is actually “Steve.” 

 

McCain’s scare tactics reached new heights today when operatives in black face started jumping out of dark alleys and shouting “boo” at old people.

 

The Sarah Palin look-a-like-porno will be out next week followed by the McCain’s look-a-like movie “Candidate of the Living Dead” 

   

McCain’s October surprise happened when he was watching Rachel Maddow and got a hard on!  

 

On Letterman’s show when Dave mentioned

“G. Gordon Liddy!” McCain was rushed to  emergency when his ass fell off.

    

On Letterman last night Dave sat there and let McCain justify futility.  

 

On Letterman last night Dave let McCain get to the pass and then cut him off in mid-inanity.

 

On Letterman last night even McCain’s body language needed sub titles.

 

Dave Letterman’s McCain interview added new meaning to the word “Squirm!”   

 

On Letterman last night it was all smiles and bleeding piles.

 

On Letterman last night Dave generously allowed McCain to dig his own grave.

 

McCain left the Letterman stage thinking “I showed that Dave”…then he had to go back for his nuts!

 

On Letterman last night while McCain defended Sarah Palin as being ready to be President Letterman wrote the 10 reasons John needs serious truth drugs.

 

On Letterman last night John McCain showed his lighter side of angry.

 

Mr T said: “I pity the fool who stands Dave up… then goes on his show and gives him 2000 sound bites that’ll make the fool look like more of a fool until Obama wins!!”

McCain didn’t let Dave finish a sentence last night. Dave will finish all those sentences and McCain over the next 19 days.

 

 

 

 

        

 CAPTION BELOW.

 

..............................

           I CAN’T SEE RUSSIA …..AND OHIO IS MISSING TOO!

DM WEEKENDER

10 17 08.

 

 

      HEADLINES  McCAIN WOULD LOVE TO SEE.

 

 

 

“POLLS SHOW PLUMBING MORE IMPORTANT THAN ECONOMY.”

 

 

” MILLIONS OF DEMOCRATS FOUND TO BE GAY TERRORISTS” 

“SARAH PALIN PROVED DIRECT DESCENDENT OF JESUS”

 

“BIDEN PLOT TO KILL ALL FIRST BORN SONS DISCOVERED”

 

 “LETTERMAN FIRED BY CBS”

 

 “OLBERMAN FIRED BY MSNBC”

 

 OBAMA RELATED TO IDI AHMIN”

 

 “MTV ENDORSES McCAIN/PALIN”

 

 

“NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL FAIR AND BALANCED!” 

 

 

 

dm

10 20 08.

 

THE ENDORSEMENT FUN RUN.

 

The other one just endorsed that one!

 

Palin claims Colin Powell’s middle names are “Ali Baba.”

 

Powell calls Palin qualified to see Russia but not talk to it.

 

Powell calls Obama “presidential” and McCain “presently mental”.

 

Palin reported to say: “They stick together like at the OJ trial.”

Palin was not worried about Colin Powell’s endorsement until somebody told her who he was.

 

In a stunning statement Rush Limbaugh accuses Powell and Obama of being African Americans.

 

Palin’s angry small town mobs are set to descend on every city in the United States to root out all Anti-Americans living there.

 

McCain called Powell: “A terrorist liberal tax hiker and one of his best friends.”

 

McCain thanked Colin Powell’s for endorsing him and then  distanced himself from himself. 

 

 

The Joint Chiefs of Staff sent a one way economy class plane ticket to Sara Palin today with a note saying “Go destroy a Moose not a country!”

 

McCain said: “Colin is crazy if he can’t see the relevance of character assassination, inciting racial tensions and having a great piece of ass ready to run the country.”

 

 

 When asked to comment on Powell’s endorsement Palin said: “Sorry I only talk to the news staff at Saturday Night Live”

 

 Sean Hannity will claim that in 1978 William Ayres was in Oxnard California when Colin Powell flew overhead on his way to New Zealand.

 

 When Sean hears the word “very experienced” and “Sarah” in the same sentence he gets a woody.

 

McCain says Obama wants a welfare state and immediately lost what ever chance he thought he had with Hippies and Surfers.

 

When McCain calling Democratic women “feminist liberals” a

Librarian kicked him in the nuts and said: “That’s my conservative kick you wouldn’t like my liberal one”

 

 The National Enquirer endorses McCain/ Palin with the headlines “Without Sarah’ life we’re Dog Meat!”

  

Palin has not released her medical records and some say it’s because she’s pregnant again.

 

Palin will not attend some of the smaller events they’re sending a trained parrot.

 

When the old lady standing next to McCain shouted:

“For God sake lighten up!!” he had his mother arrested.

 

The McCain campaign today said their new strategy is to tell Americas that voting is Anti American.

 

 

 

“I got a loaf and some fish for later”

 

dm 21

10 21 08.

 

 

 

 

 A preview of an Obama victory.

The McCain campaign is accusing Obama’s grandmother of playing politics by dying.    

 

If McCain’s campaign sinks any lower it’ll meet itself on the way back up.

 

Palin appearance on SNL was widely reviewed as successful if you liked The Gong Show.   

 

Lorne Michaels was seen in the green room reading Faust.

 

Palin’s appearance on SNL was a bomb bomb bomb without going to Iran 

 

Palin said she much preferred her appearance with Pat Robertson, who allowed her to be relaxed,

At ease and a complete bat brained religious weirdo.    

 

Pat Robertson agreed with Sarah that God and Roger Ailes should be included in any discussions about the

Annihilation of the entire world by nuclear holocaust…

 

Palin also told Pat that she wasn’t prejudiced towards Muslims as long as they were in cages.

 

After McCain introduced Phil the Undertaker and Frank the Ex Convict to Joe the Plumber and Jack the Construction Worker they quit the campaign and are touring as The Village People.

 

The middle class people surrounding John McCain were hard working middle class actors getting scale.

 

AMERICAN EXPLANATION.

Small town American who are pro-Americans are beginning to march on large town Americans who are

Anti American …soon small town Americans will march on big city Anti Americans. Statistics show however that        

Small town pro Americans will run out of marchers before they get past the stockyards.                        

 

Palin thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman and McCain thinks marriage should be between a man and a very rich woman.

 

Palin thinks marriage should be between teenage daughters and the teenage morons who knocked them up.

 

Palin says: “When I’m president  …. I would never use that nuclear stuff out of season”     

 

Giuliani wants to find Obama’s drug dealer so somebody gave him Tommy Chong’s cell number.

 

Many senior Republicans secretly feel the same way as Powell but Cheney has the photo of all of them at 

“The Hustler Center Fold Awards.” party.

 

McCain called dangerously disturbed by Zimbabwe’s Mugabe while Robert attended the stoning of his 3^rd wife.

 

McCain’s promised to bring financial help to the middle class even if Cindy had to pay for it.

 

When McCain was accused of being out of touch with the average family Cindy bought him one.

 

When a reporter called Rush Limbaugh an ugly race baiting pig recently pig lovers sued for defamation of character.

 

Pat Buchanan showed his true color on MSNBC by talking about Powell’s.  

 

Meanwhile Pat Buchanan’s extreme right wing sister and commentator Babe had a makeover and nobody knew!   

A preview of a Palin cabinet.

dm 22

10 22 08.

 

 

NEWS BULLETIN.

 

 

 

Rush Limbaugh was arrested today for molesting his show.

 

McCain and Palin are under investigation for disrespecting minorities by abuse of the English language.

 

Main stream Republicans are so angry at McCain’s disgusting racially tinged robot calls they’ve told him to stop at least a day before the election.     

 

The McCain campaign is attempting to suppress voting and will be targeting minorities, Senior citizens plus people who look like they’re from the Middle East or MSNBC.

 

Panic happened in the United States Senate today when it was revealed that if Sarah Palin became vice president she will take over the senate and run it in the way she feels fit. Reached for a comment about this astounding revelation John McCain said: “I told her not to say that until after martial law is declared”

 

The RNC spent over $150,000 on clothes and accessories for Sarah Palin at Sax 5^thAvenue and Neiman Marcus

but however great she looks…She still sounds like shit! 

 

Sean Hannity’s embarrassing man crush continued when he sent Palin a DVD of himself unreasonably insulting liberal agnostics while dressed in a thong.

 

A person answering the description of Sean has been seen in a raincoat and long black socks lurking next to the Straight Talk Express. 

 

Until recently Palin thought Neiman Marcus was a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys.

 

Until recently Palin thought that Sax 5^th Avenue was a

music store.

 

When New Yorkers found “small town lover” Palin was in a big city, they sent over an angry but sophisticated mob and burned down her hotel.

 

Some people in a “small pro American town” are pissed off Sarah shopped in a big “Anti America” city. The small town mayor said: “For $150,000 she could’ve bought all the clothes she wanted…a farm…and supported Joe the Plumber and his family for 2 years!   

 

Palin says she does a perfect bubble headed imitation of Tina Fey to which Tina replied

“Well when you get your own show on Fox…do me!!”  

 

Palin has become such a drag on McCain’s ticket he’s thinking of becoming McCain and

TBA.  

 

But seriously folks McCain’s only chance is to go on “Extreme Makeover”     

And come out looking like Santa Claus with a Harvard degree in economics..    

 

McCain should’ve picked the old Jew and not the young shrew.   

 

When Sean Hannity booked into Vice Presidential sex addition rehab he met Charlie Daniels, Hank Williams Jnr. Chuck Norris, Dennis Miller, and Bill Clinton with a bag over his head.  

“My dear you don’t cook

  Versace…you wear it”   

  

dm 23

10.23.08.

 

 

THE NBC McCAIN/ PALIN INTERVIEW

 

Brian William’s interview is being called a remake of the Odd Couple.

 

Palin says she’s ready to be vice president because even if she doesn’t know the details of how to be one…

She’s got the wardrobe for it.

 

McCain looked awkward and stiff during the interview while Palin looked very well dressed.

 

McCain calls NBC’s Williams “Brian the Announcer.”

 

 

At times McCain looked like he wished he’d picked Barney the Hippo instead.

 

When Palin strung three coherent sentences together the McCain campaign broke open the champagne and let off fireworks.

 

Palin’s grasp of the constitution was as shaky as her grasp of the economy which she said she could see from her house.

 

Brian Williams will join Katie and Charles in “Palin interview rehab” next week.

 

Palin proved again that she has the depth of a rain puddle.

 

Palin’s world view can be seen from her window.

 

Palin’s faith in God gives her the right to fire state troopers illegally, shoot defenseless wolves indiscriminately and shop irresponsibly.

 

 

THE PALIN SHOPPING SPREE.

 

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Super Sized Shopper

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Hypocrite in Gucci.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Deluxe Armani version.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Chanel Enhanced.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Newly Improved Model.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Givenchy Hockey Mom.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Governor without one.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah the Wolf in Lagerfeld originals.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah in Genuine Chinchilla Highlights.

Joe the Plumber meet Sarah in Even Higher Heels by Feragamo 

 

 

Time Magazine has offered Palin the cover of Vogue.

 

Cindy McCain announced she spent $200,000 the same day …but that was to suppress photos of her husband

breaking a chair over the head of the guy who told Palin she looked frumpy in Macy’s off the rack outlet stuff.

 

John McCain is now out looking for “Irv the Accountant” and Harry the “Spin Meister”.

 

The McCain campaign have scrapped their “Obama the Elitist” robot calls in favor of the “Don’t blame us we gave the crazy bitch a Master card and she just went nuts!”calls.

 

Little known fact.. Todd Palin also spent $150,000 the same day when he used the credit card to buy an armory

in Nome.

 

Last night, across pro America, angry middle class mobs held a series of Sax 5^thAvenue catalogue burnings. 

        

Sarah’s credibility is so far in the toilet…she needs Joe the Plumber.  

 

 

THE OTHER VICE PREZ.

 

Joe Biden has been given a sock.

 

Joe Biden has been sent on a tour of Iceland.

 

Joe Biden’s speeches will be on a 5 second delay from now on.

 

Joe Biden has been diagnosed with foot in the mouth disease.   

 

Joe Biden has been told to shorten his stump speech to less than a stump.

 

 

“Where did you get that hat …it’s so cute”

  

 

dm 24

 10/ 24 08.

 

Allan Greenspan will be the new spokesman for Kool-Aid.

 

Allan Greenspan looks like he already died but doesn’t want to face God who lost a couple of billion.

 

Allan Greenspan admits he trusted banks and the stock market to act like banks and the stock market.

 

Allan Greenspan is beside himself but Andrea Mitchell has decided not to be.

 

Allan Greenspan admits to destroying the fabric of Western society and then had lunch at the Waldorf.

 

Allan Greenspan’s Rabbi told him he was not good for the Jews.

 

Allan Greenspan is an anti regulation big city big business anti American.

 

Todd Palin is being called “Todd the Baby Carrier”

 

McCain has booked a vacation on Elba for after the elections. ***

 

Joe the Plumber will be meeting “Obama the President.”

 

The McCain campaign is now an angry mob.

 

As funds dry up the McCain campaign is being accused of biting the hand that is no longer feeds them. 

 

McCain turns on President Bush says the hugging and kissing up was part of his defunct Tony Robbins course 

 

McCain says when he voted for Bush 90% of the time he had his fingers crossed. 

 

Palin’s 7 year old daughter’s Louie Vitton bag will go to an out of work pro American when the election is over.   

 

Palin excuse for the clothing spree: “She wanted to look as hot as the crowds she was inciting to hate liberal minorities.

 

Palin was pissed off when McCain demanded to see the receipts for Gucci Diapers.

 

Sean Hannity said he’d buy all Sarah’s previously worn clothing for his “Sarah the Goddess Shrine.”

 

Sean said he didn’t want the clothing dry cleaned as he wanted to enjoy sniffing Sarah’s extreme right wing essence.

 

Sean Hannity told Todd Palin he thought Todd looked like a wimp who’d been left holding the baby.

 

Todd told Sean if he keeps drooling over Sarah he’s stick a dog sled up his ass.

 

 Palin appointed friends, family and her German Shepherd “Ralphie” to important Alaskan government jobs  

 

 Palin proudly announced this week that Alaska was Muslim Free!  

 

 When president Palin will ask Congress to enact a law allowing the shooting of liberals from light planes.

 

Sean Hannity says if Obama wins he’ll offer Sarah her own show and a key to his penthouse suite.

 

Fox News announces on election night instead of election results they will be playing re runs of “That 70’s Show.”

 

***How many get the McCain Elba joke?

 

 

EDITORS NOTE.

 

Some of the enlightened women who come to the DM blog on are uptight about my hitting on Palin. They say I have a sexist attitude towards a woman who was chosen for one of the most serious positions in the world. And rather than saying “No.. I’m a governor of an important state where I need to be to protect the people of Alaska, and I’m a mother of a pregnant unwed venerable teenager and the new mother of a special needs child who needs extra special care for his entire life and I’m also facing some legal problems from various sources…she said “You want me to be more important than all of that will I do it .??.you betcha!” …. Am I missing something here…? Strangely enough most women with children, pregnant or not, seem to be missing something too. The sheer audacity and ego of Sarah Palin is only surpassed by the dereliction of duty shown to the people of the United States by the John McCain who has destroyed his place in history by being blind to the intelligence of a growing majority of the people of this country. I love women I have 5 daughters and a wife I love dearly and I’m only 45 years old…so to my fellow lady bloggers… I love you too but I don’t love the ego maniac fruitcake with no brains who thinks she can be the leader of the free world.       

  

“I didn’t say “Road”..I just said just follow the yellow brick!”

“Don’t be so sensitive George 24% of the morons still love you.” 

  

       “Candid shot of McCain Campaign headquarters!”

“McCain’s first choice for VP only she’s English”

dm weekender

10 25 08

 

 

MORON WATCH.

 

Palin says experimenting with fruit flies is “icky” during a speech …confounding 20 years of successful scientific fruit fly research and anyone who actually still thinks she has a functioning brain cell left. 

 

Well known Republicans say Palin should not be let out of the pound unless she’s muzzled and on a leash

 

When a drooling Sean Hannity told Todd he loves the idea of Sarah being on a leash, Todd hit him with Allan Combs.

 

On Fox Sean asked Palin soft ball questions while hiding a pair of hard balls under his desk.

 

Meanwhile over at the Brian Williams interview McCain barely got a racial slur out without Palin interrupting. 

 

Palin tops herself yesterday by once again using her special needs baby as a prop.

 

When Palin said she’s ready to assume the position  …Sean Hannity had to be hosed down with ice water.

 

 Palin is thinking of seceding from the McCain campaign, merging church and state, the Alaskan Independence Party,

 parts of the Deep South, small town America and abortion clinic bombers into her “real America”.  

 

Palin pissed at  SNL and John Stewart has promised when she gets in she’ll see that Dennis Miller gets equal time.

 

Palin denies she doesn’t have a sense of humor by saying she laughs at McCain behind his back all the time.

 

Palin called the most dangerous threat to nuclear war since Slim Pickens in “Dr Strangelove.”   

 

Joe the Plumber’s first book will be called “HOW TO NOT BE ANYTHING AND SUCCEED.”

 

McCain angry at Palin’s credit card bills … is now being billed for an Alaskan wedding and a moose hunt.

 

Allan Greenspan looked at Palin’s expense account and said “Another case where deregulation didn’t work”:   

 

Palin says “I’m doing what any woman would do if she was running for Vice President with an old dork loser and a wife who looks like she went to the blood bank too many times …shop ‘till you drop… you betcha!”

 

McCain clamps down on the spending and demands Todd Palin return the Rolex and Angelina from the Escort service.

 

MORON WATCH TWO.

A misguided moron woman admits she beat herself up and then blamed an imaginary six foot black man…Police believed her story for 30 seconds and then had to be subdued for laughing hysterically.

 

Fox news ,without waiting for verification,  broke the story and immediately labelled all six feet black men in America as “terrorists” which pissed off  Shack, and Lebron.

 

When told it was a hoax and a fraud Fox news retraction was: “Oh yeah..Well it could’ve happened”

 

The demented hoax woman was immediately booked on Fox News and will be interviewed by Sean Hannity as a “victim of self terrorism.”

 

The contrite moron said from the mental ward: “I’m sorry, all I wanted to do was start a race riot!”

 

 

MORON WATCH THREE.

 

Rush Limbaugh has been relieved of his senses and will not get them back soon.

 

Rush Limbaugh has completely lost his mind and search parties are currently being formed.

 

Rush Limbaugh’s ego has been expanding at such a fast rate that doctors are thinking of lancing it.

 

  

 ”NOW YOU TELL ME THE CRAB IS STUFFED BUT BEAR IS STILL ALIVE?”

  

 

  

DM PICTURES…

                          “MY FELLOW AMERICANS”

“WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY FELLOW AMERICANS” 

THE FIRST MORMON GAY MARRIAGE

     

WASILLA  CITY HALL AFTER THE $23,000,000 RENOVATION.

“I TOLD YOU DON’T LET THE OLD FART FLY THE PLANE.”

dm 27

10 27 08

 

 

ROGUE CANDIDATE!!

 

Dissention in the McCain camp denied by campaign manager as he has hockey puck removed from his butt.

 

Palin is now making up her own speeches in Alaskan with English sub titles.

 

Cher suing McCain spokesperson for calling Palin a Diva!

 

Palin looks in dictionary for what the word Diva means.

 

McCAIN “INTERNAL” PALIN PUT DOWNS.

 

If she had nuts she’d be a numb nut!

 

If she has any more kids she could live in a shoe!

 

If she had a dialogue coach he would’ve given her a F.

 

If she knew what syntax meant she’d never have talked to Katie.

 

If she wants to be President there’s always the PTA.

 

If she wants us to pay for her trip back to Alaska she’s going by train.

 

If she disses John too much a beer truck could run over her wardrobe.

 

If she points the finger at us we’ll tell about Todd’s height without the lifts.

 

JOE REVIEW.

 

Joe the Plumber after writing his book.. will run for congress… star as lead roll in Iron Man 3 and ascend to Heaven to sit on the Right hand side of God.

 

Joe’s points of view will be tested next week on Meet the Press when he will be asked about how plumbing can win the war in Iraq.   

 

John Hopkins has asked Joe is he will donate his brain to research..Joe said yes but not until after he was dead.

 

  

 

        

                A real toilet joke…

    

DM 28

 

10. 28. 08.

 

CRAZY PALIN LADY RANTS

 

Palin calls Obama a Communist and the American Communist party sues her for defamation of character.

 

Young Republican voters ask Palin :“What’s a Communist?”
 she said: “I’ll  find out about that and get right back to ya!”

 

China’s foreign minister welcomed Obama into the Communist Party today and gave him a Wal-Mart voucher.

 

ALASKAN BAKED.

Ted Stevens says he’s innocent of all charges and threatens America with a Palin presidency.

 

Ted Stevens convicted on 7 counts of what Palin is going to be convicted of.

 

Ted Stevens says he’ll appeal his convictions all the way to Governor Palin’s pocket book.  

 

Palin refused to criticize Ted today saying Alaskans have 

special bonds like individualism, hunting and extortion. 

 

 

MORE CLAP TRAP.

McCain tries a new tactic and attacks himself.

 

McCain camp accuses Palin camp of substituting a McCain  ignorant bull shit speech with their own ignorant bullshit.

 

McCain refuses to pick up tab for Palin’s syntax lessons.

 

McCain camp finds practice inaugural acceptance speech and fireworks in Palin’s returned Neiman Marcus wardrobe.

 

Palin accused of having visions of grandeur from her window.

 

Palin’s body language towards McCain called so distant you can see the curve of the earth.

 

When Palin’s body language was mentioned on Sean Hannity’s show he was got excited they had to turn a fire extinguisher on him.         

 

Bush gave McCain permission to disagree with his policies as long as he didn’t call him a stupid blithering asshole…like his mom already did.

 

 

     ”The ravishes of near beer!”

 

 

dm 28

10 28 08

 

 

McCain likely to throw Palin under the Straight Talk Express.

 

Power struggle for the soul of the GOP tough..there isn’t one!

 

Mitt Romney says: “You should’ve picked a Mormon instead of a moron!”

 

Palin called a “whack job” and Sean Hannity gets excited again.

 

McCain snubbed Palin on the bus when she charged the campaign for lunch…a submarine sandwich and a 20 carat diamond ring.

 

Palin wants to put the $150,000 clothing thing behind her…. in the Louie Vitton luggage going back to Alaska

 

 Republican intellectuals asked for Palin’s IQ and she told them she’d done the “I” but was still working on the “Q.”

 

Cindy McCain says there’s no dissention in the ranks and right after the election she plans to “visit the scumbag when she moves back into the trailer.”

 

Joe the Plumber is first authentic proof humans descended from Neanderthals.

 

 High school drop outs are saying Joe is giving them a bad name.

 

When asked to point Israel out on the map Joe said that was unfair as he had failed at Geometry.

 

Obama called a Marxist by Palin who thought until recently that this was somebody who liked Groucho.

 

   

 

“ I told you not to bring up Neiman Marcus!”

dm..29

10 29 08

 

OBAMA’S INFOMERCIAL.

 

Obama’s infomercial out rated Chuck Norris, Victoria Principal and came in second only to Ron Popiel.

 

Obama turns down offers to sell Miracle Blade, Sham-Wow and Urine Gone!

 

Voters all over the country told not to try to vote at the “As Seen on TV stores.”

 

6,000,000 people tuned in and wanted to buy Obama.

 

McCAIN/PALIN SPLIT?

 

McCain camp aghast as Palin claims the presidency in 2012 and has Bob Mackie begin designing her crown.

 

Palin avoided a nasty accident today when she nearly tripped over her ego.

 

The Republicans are now split into two camps, the dangerous extreme right wing bigots for Palin and the older dangerous extreme right wing bigots for McCain.

 

The intellectual wing of the Republican Party held a meeting tonight in a Washington closet.

 

 

Palin accused Obama of spreading the wealth, while fighting a new charge of spreading Alaska’s wealth into her bank account.

 

Sean Hannity had to change his shorts after seeing the tape of Sarah having witches removed from her butt.

 

Sean Hannity thrown out of church meeting with Palin when he took the “Laying on of hands” thing too far.    

   

Cindy McCain says she has an active sex life…but doesn’t say who with.

 

Palin attacks Obama’s lack of experience in handling

foreign affairs by looking out of his window.

 

In line with keeping him on ice…Joe Biden made a speech in Tasmania last night in front of a crowd of 54 people who didn’t know who he was.

 

Joe Biden known for his off the cuff remarks is now wearing short sleeves. 

 

Joe puts his foot in his mouth and is put in a cone of silence Palin lies through her teeth and is put on Fox News.

 

 

EDITORIAL COMMENT.

At least 43% of all voters still say they’ll vote for committing the country to the control of a silly old fool and a raving right wing ignorant religious racist maniac proving once again that what ever they put in McDonald’s food seems to be working.

 

 

 ” Sarah Palin’s daughter learning early”

 

 

 

 

dm 31

 

10.31 08

 

59 % think Palin is not qualified to be president and 96% say she’s not qualified to act like she thinks she is qualified.

 

A quarter of the people in Texas think Obama is a Muslim, this is the same quarter of the people in Texas  who think Pamela Anderson is a virgin.

 

Texas….a state with its head in the sand and it’s asshole in   Crawford.

    

McCain had to bring in a bus load of people to fill up the empty spaces at his rally at Starbucks.

 

Sarah Palin’s crowds have dwindled down to religious fanatics, race baiters and fashion designers.

 

The last black guy at a Palin stadium rally got the day of the ball game wrong

 

With such a short time before the elections McCain is using Joe the Plumber to bring in the frontal lobotomy crowd.

 

LAST MINUTE ACCUSATIONS!!

 

Palin has accused the entire state of California

of being kinda gay looking and untrustworthy.

 

 

McCain is accusing everybody about everything he can think of.

 

Joe the Plumber accused Giuliani of being an ugly woman.  

 

Palin accused Joe the Plumber of getting an agent and a recording contract before she does.

 

The Obscure Radical Professors of America Society accuse McCain of cherry picking.

 

I’m accusing McCain, Palin and Joe the Plumber of being “The New Three Stooges!”

 

Palin accuses the kids of Democrats of being the spawn of Satan.

 

Elvira accuses Cindy McCain of stealing her makeup.

 

*****      ****      *****    ****   ****    *****  ****

 

JOE’S MO!

 

Joe Biden said today “I like John McCain and I don’t like to kick a man when he’s down but on the other hand what the hell I’m going to kick him when he’s down the slimy little swine!!”

 

‘The McCain campaign committee”

 

COMMENT.

To those few valiant people who blog on everyday but do not know me I offer this.

I am a socialist agnostic who could be a Hindu or a Christian or

just about anythingif an entity suddenly appeared and told me it would be cool to be that. As this is not happening I am happy in my skin. My attempts at humor are for my peace of mind alone as it helps me to understand the utter stupidity of the political system and the majority of the people who participate in it.

When and if it reaches a large enough audience I will donate

every last penny made by this blog gratefully and fully to myself as being a socialist I believe in my welfare. 

 

 

nov uno

NOV 1 2008.

 

McCain/Palin/Joe trailing in polls and brains.

 

Palin’s claims her first amendment rights violated..Sean Hannity goers crazy over Sarah being violated!

 

When McCain said Joe the Plumber was his “hero” it confirmed reports his new medications hasn’t kicked in.

 

McCain will use the “Twinkie Defense” when he loses.

 

A converted beer truck will be on its way to Arizona Tuesday night with a full load of anti depressants and a straight jacket.

 

Until her prime time interviews Palin thought syntax was something the IRS charged the Porno Industry.

 

Arnold stumping for McCain was praised for having a better understanding of English than Palin.

 

Palin accuses Joe of pimping her ride.

 

New revelations show that Chuck Norris, Hank Williams Jr, and Dennis Miller will join forces for the first “Joe the Plumber Lollapalooza Toilet Bowl”.

 

 

 WILL CALL TICKETS AVAILABLE.

Joe’s first major concert appearance sees him lip syncing to any voice other than his own. In his honor Ted Nugent will bite the head off as life sized dummy of Keith Olberman.

 

“And now for a selection

of my favorite urinals!”

 

nov3

N3

 

McCain campaigns in 5 states, Joe the plumber

campaigns in 5 agent’s offices and Palin campaigns with 5 couturiers.

 

McCain and Obama on Monday Night Football.. John will use his long bomb bomb bomb.

 

Because McCain’s was funnier than Palin on Saturday Night live, she has hired writer Dennis Miller who lost his sense of humor during the sale of his integrity.

 

Desperate McCain accusing the entire Eastern Seaboard of being next to the sea.

 

Desperate Palin accuses Obama of being pals with people who have never worn American flag lapel pins.

 

After a Bush loyalist said of W: “He’s a good man who got a bad rap”… police arrested him for being under the influence of Dick Cheney.

Truth about Obama kicking Washington Times reporters off his plane ..not political..Bean Burritos. 

    

Palin tells Hannity:

“Sean where’s the really hard news …?”

Sean taken to the showers!!

 

 

Mormons put big bucks into anti gay amendment, they think marriage should only be between a man and lots of women.   

 

 

 

       

“SEE YOU LATER ALLIGATORS!” 

vote

MOMENTOUS DAY.

 

Rachael Maddow thinks the entire electoral system will break down and the next president will be Bob Barr.

 

John McCain is resting peacefully at his home and his home and his home and his home and his home.

 

 Obama is thinking of having his ears cosmetically realigned to create a more presidential look.

 

Joe Biden is thinking of changing his name to Irv to avoid being associated with dumb fuck “Joe.” 

 

Palin will return to Alaska where she will be given an

award for “Best Dressed Alaskan” there were no other participants.   

 

Sean Hannity arrested in Manhattan for exposing himself to Tina Fey while she was dressed as Sarah Palin.

 

Sean Hannity snapped in Manhattan carrying a life sized Palin blow up doll.

 

A McCain /Palin presidency will bring an end to human rights and the beginning of human waste!

 

A McCain /Palin presidency will show the World that America is a suicide bomb.

 

 

“High Tech Alaskan Voting ”

 

THE RED STATE NEWS

  

                 A NEWS CORP. PUBLICATION.

                      The truth as we see it! 

        

                  Headlines in brief.

 

Disaster strikes as weird Muslim socialist

elected president by demented drugged

hordes of American perverts.

 

Basketball to replace Bald Eagle as symbol.

 

Oprah Winfrey to buy South Carolina.,

 

Joe the Plumber suspiciously tarred and feathered by people saying they are real plumbers.

 

The home of the President will be called The White Mosque.

 

Sarah Palin’s clothes suspiciously torn off her back by crazed liberal fashion designers.

 

Head of the Taliban buys home in Malibu.

 

The Conference of Christians and Jews will be amended to The Conference of Muslims and More Muslims.

 

 The YMCA is renamed the YMMA.

 

The air in several Southern States will be taxed.

 

MSNBC has been sold to the Communists.

 

All mention of God will be removed from

the expression ‘In God We Trust”

 

Hunting in our Southern states to be limited to small rodents and escaped convicts.

 

White people to be told to sit in the back at

McDonalds.

 

The Reverend Wright to be made a Saint.

 

From now on Colonel Sander’s to be called “Northern Fried Chicken.”

 

Internment camps opening soon to accommodate people who watch Fox News.

 

Pat Robertson detained at New York Airport for looking Christian.

 

 

 

RED STATE PICTURE OF THE DAY.

Comment from the editor.

Even though we lost by a slim margin we proved that 

bigotry and diversity helped get many of your favorite 

narrow minded right wing Christians reelected.

Marriage between a man and a man and a woman a woman was  thrown out in the garbage heap where it belonged. This was done with the help of Mormons who love marriage between a man and a woman and even more women. We actually hate Mormons most of the time but when it comes to keeping Gay men and Lesbians from getting married we’ll hold our noses and love them. 

So to all you fruitcakes out there remember what Jesus said to his 12 unmarried and handsome male disciples who slept next to him for all those years. ” I may be able to walk on water but marrying any one of you is going too far”.

 

 

 

THE RED STATE NEWS.

        The RED STATE NEWS 

            November 6^th 2008.

 

To comply with our new Muslim terrorist president, white people throughout the South will now be forced to think of black people as humans.

 

Rumors are going around that at Obama’s inauguration Snoop Dog will rap the national anthem.

 

White sheets will no longer be tolerated as fashion statements.

 

The governor of the sovereign state of North Carolina says it’s perfectly okay to be scared of Michelle Obama’s intelligence.

 

We have a report that Hussein Obama will order all people in West Virginian trailer parks to bathe at least one a week.

 

In Beloxi next week Sean Hannity will be made ‘Honorary Bigot of the Year.’

 

On good authority The Red State News reports if white people use the “n”word after Obama takes command they will be rounded up and used as sex objects by liberal perverts.

 

Lawyers said today that usage of the term “The South will Rise Again”cannot be used in local Viagra commercials.

 

A local Liberal Texan council will allow 3 gay people to live in Galveston as long as they only come out after dark.

 

Texas Rangers shot and wounded several liberals as they dangerously listened to a Dixie Chicks CD.

 

Crawford plans a great welcome home for George Bush with a parade of seriously wounded Iraqi veterans and an exhibition of water boarding.

 

The older white people across The South will be given guns next week to defend themselves from imaginary hordes of illegal Mexicans.

 

Our own Sarah Palin made an appearance at a huge rally in Baton Rouge wearing a sad face and $300,000 of Republican donations.

 

Hillary Clinton has been banned from using the expression “Hush my Mouth” when traveling in Georgia.

 

A NASCAR executive stated today “From now on any person who spits 20 feet, sets fire to his farts and hates science gets into our races at a reduced price.

 

Brigham Young University fine arts theater will no longer allow students to use the word “Thespian” as it cross promotes the Rachel Maddow Show.

 

 Pat Robertson’s conversation with God planned for this weekend has been cancelled due to Pat being pissed that his prayers Obama be turned into a Chrysler hood ornament were not answered.

 

 

   “LET’S HEAR IT FOR WHITE POWER!”

   

nov7

     THE RED STATE NEWS

             Voice of the rebel South

   

 

 We at THE RED STATE NEWS take this opportunity to congratulate 63% of the African American population of California who voted “Yes” on prop.8….proving that prejudice goes both ways and across state lines.

 

Gay people in Alabama will be asked to sit in the back of hair salons.

Republican governors intend to press for more restrictions on gay men including taking away their rights to wear high heels.

Across the Red States there is a movement to stop gay people from becoming quarter backs in the

NFL.

“Gay proof” computers components will be offered

in stores across the South.

There is a report that from now in both Rachel Maddow and Ellen DeGeneres will be stopped at the Mason Dixon line for questioning.  

 

The meaning of the word “Gay” will now be changed in all Southern dictionaries to mean:”Yucky.”

 

Anyone looking gay in 5 Southern States and California can now be openly accused of having

too much fashion sense for their own good!

Christopher Nance has been arrested for making

Southern women’s homes look too feminine.

 

AND NOW FOR OTHER STRAIGHT NEWS!!!

“The National Shit Kickers Championship” will be held in Kentucky and as usual fellow Republicans you bring your own shit.

 

George Bush’s dog bit a Reuter’s reporter. The reporter has contracted a severe case of canine bitterness. 

 

Republicans want to change their name from “minority party” as it makes them think they’re going to be discriminated against.

 

Creationism will be taught in schools across the South as soon as all the 10,000,000,000 year old Dinosaur bones can be removed.

 

Naked statues of Adam and Eve will be placed in schools across the South; Eve’s privates will be covered by 1 commandment and Adam’s by the other 9.

 

Rumor of drugged grits as North Carolina has gone into the Obama column… 

   

Tragedy struck in a Baptist Church when a fast talking guy’s tonsils exploded while he was speaking in tongues.

 

In the same church a woman thought she kissed a snake and then saw it was Rush Limbaugh.

 

At the same ceremony Rush Limbaugh thought he saw God but realized he was looking in a mirror.

 

Senate Republican’s say they will stand in the way of any new legislation that doesn’t include attacking small unarmed countries.

 

We congratulate Sarah Palin for not knowing Africa was a continent…when she gets into power she’s going to blow it up anyway.

 

Sarah Palin has been asked to give her expensive wardrobe back and Sean Hannity has volunteered to undress her.

 

Cindy McCain found crying in her beer.

 

Right wing Republican Think Tank caught watching “Dancing with the Stars” and not thinking!

 

Right Wing Think Tank trying to think of  ways to block thoughts of black hordes taking over their Right Wing Think Tank.

 

A warning has been issued reading: “Please be aware of a large number of black people in the South who are now trying to look equal.”     

 

McCain promises to help Obama run the country right after he asks Joe the Plumber to get out of his guest house for the 26^th time.

 

“Inaugral show rehearsals.”  

weekender.

THE RED STATE NEWS

   Voice of the rebel South.

 

A new poll of Southern people who voted for McCain say if they had to do it over again they would have beaten the shit out of any body trying to vote for Obama.

 

It was announced that 64% of Republicans want Palin as their next presidential candidate. 95% of Democrats, David Letterman and Tina Fey think it’s a great idea.

 

Fox News reports Alaska has been placed on fire alert due the massive amount of smoke being blown up Palin’s ass.

 

Alaskan voting has been called suspect by various sources close to the Diebold electronic voting machines with the screw drivers sticking out of them.  

 

Convicted felon Ted Stevens is 23,000 stolen votes head 

of the other guy‘s stolen votes.

 

There is a brain drain talking place in the Red States as convicted felons from the South who want to be in politics are flocking to Alaska. 

 

 We are pleased to see that Sarah Palin is already running for president and white people are coming to her side in angry hordes.

    

Palin’s platform will include the exiling of Katie Coric to host of “Puppy Games” on Animal Planet.

 

NEWS FLASH!!

All Hip hop clubs in the South will be closed down due to 

 white people not understanding the lyrics.

 

Trent Lott to be honored as the “Man with hair that most resembles a well manicured front lawn.”

 

In Hilton Head this week Joe Leiberman will receive the coveted “Turncoat of the Century Award”.

 

The turn-coat itself will be donated from the Todd Palin Neiman Marcus collection currently on display in his walk in closet.

 

Sarah Palin today opened the Palin Family Charity Fund and donated her entire new wardrobe and jewelry to herself.

 

Sarah Palin has been reported to have spelt Mississippi correctly after her 5^th attempt.

 

Ben Stein has been accused of giving terminal assholes a bad name.

 

Sarah Palin has been reported to be taking Queen lessons.

 

Gay people throughout the red states will be forced to call pink “Light Red”

 

There are rumors that the red states have been taking seceding lessons from Todd Palin.

 

Good news!!! Fire Island will secede and become the first entirely gay country. The total gay population plan to move there taking all the best hair salons and fabrics with them.

 

Ellen Degeneres will move her day time talk show from Hollywood to a place where gays are not discriminated against..when she find one.

 

We are pleased to report Sarah Palin now knows Africa is a continent and can point it out on a map as long as it’s highlighted with yellow marker.

 

 

 ”23% ?..Can you explain this Jesus?”

 

 

november quotes

Greetings:

Guru Bernie speaks to you with honor and hopes you will visit his page..here are some gems from his current meditations, they wil remain on this page until a green cloud of mystic crap carries them to the Guru’s own page which we would like for you to visit from time to time.  Please find peace in your hearts and in your shorts. Always remembering that when you make love to a stranger on a train you could accidentally be in a remake of a Hitchcock movie.

Some sayings to help you through the next days. 

Guru Bernie says: Cheech Marin told me that getting high on medical marijuana is just what his doctor ordered.

Guru Bernie says : When Madonna visited Victoria’s Secret she came across her next hit thong.

Guru Bernie says: Transendental mediation is very relaxing but doesn’t get you off like Debbie’s full body massage.

Guru Bernie says : If Bashful is your favorite dwarf you don’t get laid alot.

Guru Bernie says: If Sarah Palin shoots wolves from helicopters what does she shoot from a 747?

Guru Bernie says: Before there was Fox News being ‘fair and balanced’ was only a blonde on a high wire.    

Guru Bernie says: When taking everything that the Guru says with a grain of salt make sure it’s low sodium.

Guru Bernie says: The only Latter Day Saint who is really credible is Reggie Bush.   

Guru Bernie says: Please donate money to my ashram because the best things in life are expensive.    

Guru Bernie says: Brown rice and listening to Sean Hannity helps greatly with bowel movements.

nov.10

THE RED STATE NEWS

   (The America it should be)

 

GOP major spokesperson Palin is nervous. “All these new Obama people are foreign sounding. ..like Rahm Emanual… next thing you know they’ll be hiring other non-American names like Yogi Berra.”

 

The take over of the Republican by religious zealots was confirmed today where a party crowd had a few beers and played “Pin the tail on a minority.”

 

To assure the fanatically loyal right wing base Sarah Palin’s speeches from now on will use no more big words.

 

The Republicans in both houses vowed to try to look like what they say still matters.

 

The Republicans vowed that they will obstruct important Obama legislation as much as possible by pouting and stamping their feet ineffectually.

 

To show their resolve the Republicans  have decided to filibuster the President Elect’s choice of puppy.

 

The Republicans have demanded the right to act like a disloyal opposition and will have hissy fits as far as they can throw them.

 

To save his ass Joe Lieberman is now renouncing his association with John McCain and will become a Jew for Jesus.

 

Joe Lieberman has been admitted to hospital for injuries sustained from being down on his knees in front of Harry Reid for too long.

 

Joe Lieberman accused of not wearing a Democratic flag pin.

 

 It has been reported that a perfect wax replica of Rush Limbaugh’s mouth will go on display a Ripley’s Chamber of Horrors Wax museum.       

 

NBC will dedicated most of the Today Show to an interview with Sarah Palin. It will be subtitled for the syntax impaired.

 

At Obama’s first press conference he refused to take any questions from Fox News due to a breakdown in common decency.

 

Sean Hannity is moving to Alaska so he can see Russia and Sarah taking a shower from his window.

 

Sean Hannity told Sarah Palin to let him take her future and other things completely into his own hands.

 

Joe the Plumber is moving to Alaska where he can be a big moron in a small pool.

 

Joe the Plumber found to be on welfare… ending speculation that

he was ever employed by rational thinking human beings or Republicans.

 

American comedians have declared a moratorium on Joe the Plumber jokes due to not wanting to further promote mental Bubonic Plague.

 

The Obama administration plans to overturn most of Bush policies stalled yesterday when the Sanitation trucks couldn’t cope with the piles of shit.

     “Attack of the Senate Republicans!”

 

  

 

 

nov.11.

 

No more lipstick jokes okay?

THE RED STATE NEWS

(We are the right and always right) 

 

Obama’s visits the White House…and tells Bush he can afford the down payment.  

 

Latest poll shows Bush less popular than a combination of Donald Trump, Hitler and bitchy mother in laws.

 

Governor Palin is interviewed by every one in the entire world media all on the same day.

 

Palin thought the guy from Paris Match was there to light the barbecue.

 

Palin thought El Jeezera was a couple of guys delivering falafels

 

Palin said God will show her the way to the White House. God told her to use Map Quest as he was too busy saving General Motors.

 

Palin thought Universal Health Care was something you received if you got sick at City Walk.

 

 

 

Palin’s Kenyan Pastor said last week that God had informed him that Palin’s shit doesn’t stink.

 

Soon after that Palin’s Kenyan pastor announced Sarah will be growing gigantic Angel wings… he was then taken down from the statue of the rampant golden goat and sealed in a small safe room.      

 

FLASH!!

Cindy McCain is sending lawyers to Alaska to get back the 3 designer gowns and the tiara Palin borrowed.

 

MEANWHILE BACK AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

 

Bush showed Obama around the White House and told him where to hide his stash.

 

Laura Bush showed Michelle the dungeon where she gives George his evening punishments for having no idea what he’s signing.

 

Bush showed Obama the secret passageway he used to escape from Dick Cheney.

 

Bush showed Obama his pretzel collection and the historic surveillance video of him tripping over his dog.  

 

Bush took Obama into his toilet and showed him his library.  

 

Bush showed Obama where he practiced walking and chewing gum at the same time.

 

Obama told Bush he will not be closing GITMO he wants to keep the option open in case he sends Cheney there.

 

The jailors at GITMO celebrated their 1000 water board torture yesterday with a 21 gun salute actually killing two detainees and a passing Cuban on a bicycle.

 

Obama plans to stop torture both here and overseas… so he will close GITMO and limit Sean Hannity to 5 minutes a week on local access.

 

NEWS FROM ALASKA

 

The local Alaskan authorities say the likelihood of voter fraud in the reelection of a convicted felon is

about as possible as being able to see Russian from your house. 

 

There is outrage in Alaska as its intellectual decries both voter fraud and wardrobe gate.  

 

Palin has been offered the host job in the new version of “The Liars Club”

 

Alaskans are on the alert for animal and human rights infiltrators.

 

Ted Stevens is resting confident and comfortably at his illegally renovated house.

 

In Alaska Ted Stevens is affectionately known as “Father of the Bribe”.

 

  

Chuck Norris was so pissed off the Republicans lost the election he forgot to dye his hair and was embarrassed when given the senior discount at IHOP.

 

Chuck Norris plans to retired and only use kick boxing techniques on his immediate family.  

 

 

 

 

 It’s workin’ so’s every time the

Democrat git’s a vote Ted git’s six!”

  

 

 

 

 

“Sarah..this is your 3rd time in the booth”

 

 

 

 

“Almost through with tree pissing”

 

 

 

 

 Palin’s new lawn ornament

 

 

 

 

“ I’d just like to say to those people

who think I’ve been drinking again

where’s the proof you weirdo’s …come

on up here and smell my breath!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 ”No tongue in public Georgie”

 

 

 

 No let’s see what did that nice

 young skinhead say I had to do

to vote for all the white people ….

 

 

 

 Scroll down for yesterday’s blog if you missed it!!

down here…..

further…..

 

 

 

 

 

coming up…but first…..

 

 

 a short visual….

 

 

 

 

 here it is….

 

 

 

Cheney’s new product line from England.

 

 

 

 

This is a real just dessert !!!

almost down to the blog…. 

 

 

 

 

 Now….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Wow!!!

 

 

 

 

“ We could get legal after

    all these years! “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

nov 12

 

 

   THE RED STATE NEWS.

(Our heads are not in the sand)

 

Tickets to the Obama inauguration are harder to get than a straight answer out of the Governor of Alaska.

 

 

In Washington angry people are calling Joe Lieberman a traitorous back stabbing slime ball who gives Jews a bad name and that was just his mother!

 

 

Bush has a 76% disapproval rating , add that to Sarah Palin’s 57% disapproval rating and you get the approval rating of guy who designed the Titanic.

 

 

The use of economic bail out monies to actually bail out corporate crooks is being checked into by other corporate crooks.

 

 

Obama is hitting the ground running and will replace amongst other things White House character deficiency with new auto fuel efficiency.

 

Bush planning to get out of Dodge before Chrysler goes under.

 

 

Laura Bush’s book will reveal the full moral conflicts and in depth intellect of her husband George on page one….the rest of the book is about her experiences as

a librarian. 

 

Bush’s mother is writing a self help book titled:  “Emasculation for Dummies”     

 

Cheney is writing a book called “Top Secret” and only he will be authorized to read it.

 

Sean Hannity says Americans are not socialists and blames the Republican losses on imported Swedish  Herring and the revival of ABBA.     

 

Sarah Palin doesn’t like some of the labels being put on her …others like Gucci and Versace are okay!    

 

Republican’s are such sore losers they won’t be able to sit down for weeks.

 

The Grand Old Party is split between two factions, the Old Testament people and the New Testament people.

 

 

 

 

John McCain says he’s taking the full blame for the loss and nobody should blame Palin for acting like a ditzy

Denny’s waitress with an ego the size of the Northern lights.

 

 

Meanwhile in Alaska Sarah Palin is being interviewed “exclusively” by everybody and their sled dogs.

 

Palin awaits the second coming and will consider as Jesus as vice president.

 

Standing at the kitchen sink in her house she threw everything and the kitchen sink at George Bush. 

 

During the NBC Matt Lauer interview some of his questions caused her to look like a moose caught in the headlights.

 

She contradicted herself so many times she met herself on the way back from where she’d just been.

 

Her answers were so confusing NBC brought in an English professor who gave up and went home early.

 

 

 

 

Republican operatives pulling clothing out of the Palin’s closets found a Sean Hannity love note in a pair of her silk panties.

 

Palin told reporters her relationship with John McCain was a perfect blend of professionalism and mutual disrespect.

 

“I wish my Mom had called me Shirley.”

nov 13.

THE RED STATE NEWS.

(Real American information)

 

Convicted felon Ted Stevens still thinks he can pull out a win as the Alaska prisoner vote hasn’t been counted yet.

 

If his Democratic opponent wins Ted won’t go through the indignity of being tossed out of the senate but only the indignity of becoming a number.

 

Authorities plan to go easy on the 80 plus con artist and will send him to senior prison where you can get a discount on tobacco and rape.

 

If the Democrat wins in Alaska it kills two phonies with one stone!

 

The Alaskan Tourist Bureau is reporting a major increase in the area of people looking for jobs in the bribery and corruption field.

 

AARP has excommunicated Ted Stevens.

 

Ted told reporters he wasn’t worried as Bush was going to pardon the entire Republican Party.

 

Alaska is turning out to be a rating winner for Network News in the 18 to 34 completely out of their minds right wing extremist religious nutcase demographic.

 

Meanwhile in Minnesota a comedian in politics holds a narrow recount lead over Al Franken.

 

Republicans are finding it harder to win now people have seen that

the words: “nambie pambie” don’t belong exclusively to William Shatner.

 

 

Rush Limbaugh blames the recession on Obama’s policies and global warming on Pamela Anderson’s ass.

 

Rush Limbaugh is so pent up with anger he farted and blew away a passing liberal. 

 

 Rush Limbaugh is so angry when he heard Rachael Maddow’s ratings he ate his microphone for lunch.

 

Rush Limbaugh is so worried he’s put on 20 pounds of ugly sleaze!

 

Rush Limbaugh is so angry his doctors want him to take a daily

anger management suppository saying: “We’re just trying to calm the asshole down!!”

 

The FCC announced today that the words: “Exclusive Interview with the Governor of Alaska” can now only be used by comedians.

 

The FCC also announced that Fox News can no longer be called

Fox News but can be referred to as “Fox News?”

 

The FCC also announced today that further interviews with the Governor of Alaska must carry a disclaimer stating that anything she says must be fact checked for being in English.

 

Alaskans for “Real Alaska” have started a drive to have Sarah Palin secede from her mouth. 

    

“Obie…how ’bout this for the big day?”

nov 14

THE RED STATE NEWS

(Don’t be scared be armed!)

 

WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING:

 

Joe Lieberman called a schmuck by people who don’t even know what it means but who think it sounds nasty.

 

Joe Lieberman is such a schmuck pigeons don’t even want to shit on him.

 

Joe Lieberman is such a schmuck Jerry Springer thinks he would stink up his show.

 

Joe Lieberman is such a schmuck other schmucks didn’t  ask him to their “come as a schmuck” party!!

 

Joe Lieberman used to be good for the Jews now they’re   saying he’s not even goods for the schmucks!

 

OTHER NEWS.

 

Obama will be meeting with McCain face to two faces.

 

Uneducated Appalachians who don’t have computers or television await with glee the inauguration of John McCain 

 

The 43% who lost the election are so scared of the 67% who won, that 41% of them are buying 100% more guns and only leaving 2% of the 43%  unarmed, with the probability of being eaten by cannibals being put at 1%. 

 

THE REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS CONVENTION

 

The Republican Governor’s convention began behind locked doors keeping the press in and Sarah Palin out.

 

It’s not that Palin made a jackass of herself but do pit bulls

have wings?

 

If she’d been Joe Lieberman she would’ve been a schmuck!

 

Palin was more out of place than Hanna Montana at a Gore Vidal book signing.

 

Palin governor’s convention speech turned them into a racist mob and they attacked Governor Bobby Jindal. **

 

Palin says if people want her to be President, they should buy guns, overthrow the government and let her get on with     being on the cover of every magazine except Oprah’s

 

Palin made the other Republican governors jealous due to the obvious favoritism of the press and God. 

 

Palin called a “one hit wonder” by Bobby Gentry.

 

Palin called a “flash in the pan” by Emeril.  

 

Palin called “here today gone tomorrow” by Ali the suicide bomber.

 

 

 

The rumor that Ted Stevens will head the financial bail out team handling the 7 hundred billion dollars have been denied by sources close to the incompetents in charge.

 

There is no truth in the rumor the executives handling the bail out money for the banks are also responsible for this years Detroit Lions recruitment drive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’d like to melt these down to help with the bailout!”

 

NOV 15TH.

THE RED STATE NEWS.

(The buck shot stops here!)

 

INTERNATIONALLY.

 

The Russians are nervous of Hillary as Secretary of State…last year she beat the crap out of Putin in the Moscow Vodka Chugalug and Arm Wrestling Championships.

 

Reports say the Russians are visiting Cuba and Venezuela to make mischief outside their political sphere, Obama plans to do the same by visiting Texas.     

 

Russians will offer jet fighters to Cuba and Venezuela, Obama plans to offer the Havana Disneyland, Pamela Anderson and 200 Popeye’s Chicken franchises.

 

Hugo Chavez said he’d tell the Russians to take hike if Obama throws in Victoria’s Secret…the Dallas Cheerleaders and a Cher concert.

 

GEORGE BUSH FAREWELLS.

 

George Bush will return to his home town Crawford to write his memoirs…The local Denny’s are supplying the napkin.

 

China already on the commercial bandwagon will manufacture George Bush’s image on a line of colorful toilet seats.

 

Laura Bush says George is so jealous her book sold she should go sleep in a separate bedroom which she was already doing!

 

George Bush admitted he was wrong about Karl Rove being the God of a permanent Republican majority then rescinded the admission with a signing statement.

 

George Bush announced today that his last act as President will be to remain marginal.

 

REPUBLICAN GOVERNORS.

 

The Republican governors voted to create a committee to regenerate respect and honor for their party through giving Sarah Palin a one way ticket back to Alaska.

 

Palin’s convention speech rant has been isolated and sent to a Toxic waste dump.

 

The meeting room where Palin made her speech was condemned due to a massive amount of GOP shuddering.

 

The governors recommended that Palin stick a label on her ass reading “As seen on TV!”

 

Todd and Sarah will return to Alaska to plot the overthrow of

MSNBC.

 

 

SOMETHING SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE BUT ISNT.

 

The next big classy real American religious media event will be the marriage of Palin’s currently unwed pregnant daughter to the dope smoking teenage redneck who likes to “go out with his buddies and shoot things!”   

 

JOKES.

  

Doctors say that even though the baby will be born a Liberal Socialist Terrorist Sarah’s kid will not abort it.

 

Ted Nugent will be the musical director and will kill anyone who isn’t white within a 50 mile radius of the ceremony.

 

The wedding reception will be held at tax payer’s expense.  Dresses and tuxedos were donated at gunpoint by a grateful but cowered Alaska.

 

Ted Stevens will send a text message of congratulations from his cell.

 

The entire event will be covered by every television show in the world.

 

“One turkey deserves another!” 

nov 17th

 

 THE RED STATE NEWS

( Power through appearing important)

 

Bill Clinton says he loves the idea of Hillary as Secretary of State as secretaries have always given him a great deal of pleasure.

 

If she gets it…Hillary will make rest of the world see her as somebody who wears the pant suits in the Obama administration.

 

Hillary has traveled the world dealing with both America’s and Bill’s foreign affairs.  

 

Sarah Palin says she would make a great secretary of state

as she can now pronounce the names of three of the leaders of the western world and knows where Euro Disney is.

 

Rush Limbaugh is blaming Obama for the recession the California fires and the in breeding of puppy mill dogs.   

 

The President elect will meet with John McCain this week to graciously explain why America told him to fuck off.

 

A brilliant Republican economist said today “If GM gave away all their big SUV’s, the people thrown out of their homes would at least have a place to live.”

 

While Obama was being interviewed on 60 Minutes Sarah Palin was being interviewed on 60 shows.

 

Documented proof has been found that Joseph Smith the founder of the Mormon Church believed that marriage between a man and a 13 year old was unlucky.

 

The Mormon Church poured so much money in defeating Prop 8 the Tabernacle Choir was downsized to The Mormon Tabernacle Singer.

 

Mormons are so worried about being gay they never mention

the word Cher.

 

Mormon Marie Osmond declared she doesn’t believe in gay marriage but is behind the castration of ex- husbands.  

 

BUSH.

 

Bush to give oil companies big breaks before he leaves office

by granting them immunity from the Prius.  

 

Bush’s presidential accomplishments are currently being inscribed on the head of a pin.

 

Bush’s entire presidential library is being designed to be placed in a motel room at the Crawford Holiday Inn Express.

 

Bush denies the GOP is racially biased, pointing out he once waved at Stevie Wonder. 

 

Bush denies the GOP is against same sex marriage, pointing out his mother can bench press a 200 pound Marine in full combat gear.

 

Bush will help oil companies during his last days in office by signing a bill to allow drilling in the Oval office.

 

Bush will help Obama in every way possible to make his transfer to office easy including removing his Anne Coulter blow up doll.

 

In a stunning development Bush will pardon himself and instead of Crawford he will retire into his own personal dream world.

 

OTHER NEWS

 

Obama’s new environmental head will declare Sean Hannity to be air pollution.

  

 

EDITORIAL.

 

The idea that Bush and Cheney will walk away legally unchallenged, having killed and maimed so many innocent people and destroyed the livelihoods and the personal safety of millions of Americans and others around the world seems weird. Of course Stalin did it, Idi Amin did it, Gaddafi is doing it, the Sudanese leaders are doing it but this is America and apparently we’re a democracy and these sicko’s are war criminals living in our midst. How can Laura Bush get up in the morning and go look at Bush sleeping on the couch and not blow chunks?

 

 

” Obama Obama ….that’s all I know in African”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up!!!

“GLEN BECK ACCOSTED AT WENDY’S AND CALLED A RACIST BIGOT BY A TRUCK DRIVER WITH FOOD IN HIS HAIR”

Glen Beck’s ratings were so bad at CNN…. Nielsen ran out of zeros!!

He went in for a Frostie and got a just dessert**Given to me by a 10 year old liberal.

 

“SARAH PALIN REPORTED TO BE OFFERED A BOOK DEAL FOR $7,000,000.”

 This book will be so bad Oprah will recommend it for toilet paper.  

 

“NEWT GINDRICH CALLS GAYS MILITANT SECULAR NAZIS”   Newt’s getting scary emails from gays in fashionable brown shirts and three quarter length matching jack boots.

 

 “ABC’S DIANE SAWYER TO INTERVIEW SPITZER’S HOOKER!” Spitzer’s pro will reveal all to Diane. The one on one liaison will start going down      next week and she’ll be throwing in a sensual massage for Charlie Gibson. 

 

“JOE LIEBERMAN KEEPS HIS CHAIRMANSHIP AFTER BEING THE BIGGEST SCHMUCK IN SENATE HISTORY.”

Joe the Plumber called Joe the Chairman to congratulate him joining him on welfare.

 

“FOX FAILS TO RENEW CONTRACT FOR FEMALE ANCHOR WHO USED THE WORDS:  “TERRORIST FIST BUMP”

 Washington wags say sexy E.D Hall will now be known as America’s Fist lady!

 

 

MICHAEL JACKSON SUED BY THE KING OF BARAIN’S SON

FOR REPAYMENT OF $7,000,000 BORROWED FOR GIRAFFE FOOD MONIES AND THE BUILDING OF A RECORDING STUDIO THAT JACKSON NEVER USED IN BAHRAIN. 

                This is the Prince formerly know as “Stupid”

 

“AUTOMATIC ASSAULT WEAPONS SALES HIGHEST IN US HISTORY DUE TO THE ELECTION OF OBAMA ”
A Gallup poll released yesterday shows that 95% of white females  who recently bought automatic weapons think Obama will sell them at auction as love slaves to big black rappers.

Meanwhile 89% of white males who bought these weapons want to be sold at auction as love slaves to Sarah Palin.

“SHE’S BACKKKKKKKK!!!

     

 

             

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

daily

11 18 08

 

THE DAILY DAILY

 

Lieberman will retain his chairmanship but will be punished by being forced to have lunch every day with old Jews with hearing problems.

 

Hillary Clinton is being vetted by so many lawyers their fees have to be added to the national debt.

 

Saying Bill Clinton is not involved in any shady financial transactions around the world is like calling Dick Cheney a good shot.

 

….And Dick Cheney has been indicted in Texas for just being Dick Cheney.

 

Sarah Palin will go on a book tour before her book is even written.

 

Obama, in keeping with putting enemies in key places, will make Sean Hannity chairman of the human waste conversion committee.

 

The big political debate for control of the party began today as Republicans decide whether to be just assholes or bigger assholes.

 

The two factions of the Republican Party are defining themselves

as people who want a great piece of ass or just an ass running their party.

 

Question: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: A minority!

 

The Democrat wins the Alaskan senate seat which kills two careers with one stone.

 

Sarah Palin is so pissed off she can’t come to Washington and be a senator she cancelled her interviews with Judge Judy, Doctor Phil, Emeril, Big Bird

and Al Jazeera.

 

 

 

“ What was that about a subpoena?” 

 

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

11.20.08

11.20 08.

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

REAL STUFF YOU CAN’T MAKE UP”

 

“It was revealed today that Hitler only has one testicle.”

(This was the reason he only got half a hard on when he invaded Poland.)                                    

 

“Air Canada co-pilot becomes deranged and flight attendant helps land jet.”(Net flix had accidentally sent him “Snakes on a Plane.”)

 

 “Al Qaeda leader called Obama a house Negro.”

(Comedy Central has offered the Al Qaeda spokesperson his own show)

 

“Nobel prize winner Paul Krugman calls auto heads “Idiots!””

(Comedy Central offers auto heads lead roles in a 3 Stooges remake)

 

“World leaders at recent summit shown not shaking hands with Bush”

( Proving that its important to shower daily)

 

 

 

AND NOW FOR THE REST OF IT.

 

Rush Limbaugh attacks on unions deemed not a safe idea as they still haven’t found Jimmy Hoffa.

 

Hillary playing her coquette role to the hilt: “Will she or won’t she continue to be a total bitch.”

 

Governor Napolitano to head up Homeland Security, she’s tough, she’s Italian and she knows Carmine the Enforcer.

 

Texas Judge delays appearance at Cheney’s arraignment due to Cheney’s secret service surveillance tape of the Judge and a goat.

 

At Sarah Palin’s latest press conference she ran so many sentences into each other that the whole interview became one big word.

 

When asked if he meant it when he called the presidents of the 3 auto companies “idiots”… Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman withdrew the statement saying he was sorry he didn’t want to insult idiots.

 

Auto execs defended their use of private jets saying if they’d come in their gas guzzling SUV’s it would’ve looked bad.

 

Auto execs look so stupid at the hearings that even Sean Hannity noticed it.

 

Auto execs went back to Detroit with their bonuses between their legs.

 

Auto execs were such idiots when they got shown the finger in the hearings they thought it was a thumb’s up!

 

Soon the only cars built in the USA will be German and Japanese so

who really won the World War Two?

 

Comedians and talk show hosts say that Democrats are not as funny as Republicans. “Tom Daschle is about as funny as rhubarb and the only thing funny about Rahm Emanuel is when he tells “Gentile American princess” jokes.

 

 

“Nostaligic picture of Bush at the summit before this recent summit”

 

 

“This is the last time I shake hands with this schmuck!”

 

     

daily daily

11.21.08.

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

STUFF YOU CAN’T MAKE UP!!

 

“Palin makes speech while turkeys are slaughtered on camera”

(Publicity like this helps with the Texas Chain Saw Massacre voters”)  

 

“Senate gives convicted felon Ted Stevens a standing ovation”

(Ted has just stopped the show with his impression of a dickhead)

 

“Russian veteran says he’s the one who shot down McCain”

(He says he has McCain’s ID card and a pre marital snap of Cindy)

 

“Arab Prince sues Michael Jackson for not liking song he wrote”

(Michael didn’t go for the title: “Infidels Smell like Camel Shit”) 
  

 

OTHER BREAKING UP NEWS

 

If Hillary makes secretary of state… she’ll change the name from secretary of state to: “Not quite president of the United States.”

 

Al Qaeda head welcomed the news by calling Hillary a “house ho!”

 

Bill Clinton will be exiled to Latvia where he will wear a device that goes off if he appears at speaking engagements over $500.

 

Bringing another enemy into the fold and stopping leaks at the same time ….Obama will hire Joe the Plumber.

 

Bush plans to spend his last 60 days completing the destruction of

the economy, the environment and white presidents. 

 

Sean Hannity has been arrested in his front yard for carving a 35 foot ice sculpture of a rampant Sarah Palin wearing nothing but an AK 47.

 

Palin‘s turkey slaughter tape now used by public relations execs to show staff how to lose their job and never work again in the entire World.

Nancy Pelosi tells Auto execs to come up with a plan….their plan?  “Move to small Caribbean islands.”

 

GM says it has an electric car but they haven’t worked out how many miles of extension chord it needs.    

 

Chrysler are changing the insignia’s on their latest gas guzzlers to “Fantasy Hybrids ”

 

The Japanese and the Germans are so far ahead of Detroit that they’re thinking of buying the Detroit Lions and turning them into winners.

 

Southern senators don’t care if it the big 3 are left out in the cold …they’ve got their Toyota and Honda factories to keep them warm.

 

Come to the American South where Volkswagen, Toyota and Honda are the real Americans… and where the only unions they allow are between a man and a woman.

 

 

 BIG 3 PRIVATE JET SETTERS ON THE CARPET

 

 

     “Guys..I just soiled my Armani”

     

guru bernie speaks

11/22/23/08

 

DAILY DAILY WEEKEND EDITION.

 

 

GURU BERNIE THOUGHTS.

 

“We are Universal in our beliefs here and also Warner Brothers at times. As this is a special week my friend and fellow believer Chris Bearde has asked me to send some thanks out into the great purple haze that surrounds me. I am only too happy to do this and to wish all of you the very warmest of fuzzy non committal love and freedom of guilt for any thoughts you might have that don’t jibe with moral issues.” 

 

~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~  ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~  ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~

 

Guru Bernie says “Thanks America for throwing out the garbage and burying the trash and the toxic waste in the open latrines know as Red States.”      

 

Guru Bernie says: “Thanks Obama for bringing back a real political intelligent force for women and putting the bimbo in limbo.”

 

Guru Bernie says: “Thanks Obama for being so smart as to realize who are the Brutus’s amongst you…

 

Guru Bernie also says : “ Obama knows it is harder to stab somebody in the front where you can see the knives coming!”

 

 

Guru Bernie says: “Thanks Obama for realizing how fast you have to move to fumigate the economic house by exterminating 8 years of trickle down infestation and getting rid of the poisonous Cheney slug.” 

 

 

Guru Bernie says: Thank you bigots and white supremacists for coming out of the woodwork where we can see you and really fuck you up!!”   

 

**The Guru doesn’t use the “in and out word” much…only when he is talking about real assholes.”

 

Guru Bernie says: “Thank you Obama for closing Gitmo so all the  Muslin 12 year olds can get back to school and no more water will be wasted  trying to communicating with the rest of the detainees.”

 

 

Guru Bernie says: “Thank you Obama for telling the American Auto Industry that if we could put a man on the moon in the 60’s we ought to be able to put a man in a hybrid in the 21^st century!” 

 

**The Guru uses the word “man” for the joke.. the Guru loves women and he really means that…he loves them often at the Ashram.

Guru Bernie says: “Thank you Keith Olberman for being the obnoxious hero of the left thereby countering all the obnoxious dimwits from the right”..If the world wants obnoxious we got it!!”

 

 

Guru Bernie says: “ Thank you John McCain for bringing us Sarah Palin and thinking she’s ready for running a country when she’s only ready to running off at the mouth”

 

 

Guru Bernie says : “Thank you Mormon Church for showing us your face 

of intolerance and for the knowledge that Mitt Romney’s long johns will freeze over before he gets to dance on the Ellen De Generes show.”

 

 

Guru Bernie says: “ When America takes a giant dump on a political party and they don’t respond by being smart, their base tends to become so small it can wind up following a pair of high heels into oblivion.”

 

 

 

  Michael Jackson’ new Jackson 5 meet George Bush.  

 

 

   

“Ellen…Rachel and now me…lets hear it for the Thesbians”

 

11 22 08

112208.

 

THE DAILY DAILY

 

Fox news today declared the Obama presidency a failure and called the canceling of the inauguration and a new election.

 

In a stunning reverse the American people buy banks with their own money and are called “socialist scum” by the banks they now own.

 

American becomes “one nation bought by the people but not for the people”.

 

A tax payer said yesterday Bush put us in charge so we want our bonuses and our private jets now!

 

It’s now official!!  A couple of weeks ago George Bush apparently became unaware of everything.

 

When George Bush wanted to buy lunch for the World leaders in Peru,  his credit card was turned down due to insufficient funds.

 

Meanwhile in Iraq, to cut down on the bad feelings between the Iraqi’s and his policies, crazed crowds will now only burn Bush in effigy on weekends.                

 

Bush popularity is so low in the World they’re naming diseases after him.

 

Mentioning Bush makes people with low esteem feel better about themselves.

 

Due to his current poll numbers the Secret Service will advise Bush against the ceremonial farewell 21 gun salute.    

 

Nobody is saying Bush is vindictive but he’s had his dog trained to bite Helen Thomas.

 

People saying Laura Bush can’t wait to get out of the White House and back to the delights of Crawford Texas are smoking weird stuff.

 

Dick Cheney will be pardoned by Bush for condoning torture and always sneering like a total asshole.

 

Rumsfeld will be pardoned for being creative with “physical aqua education.”

 

Karl Rove will be pardoned for perpetuating the theory that some of us came from disgusting worms originally formed in Dinosaur shit.

 

Running these people out of town on a rail isn’t worth buying a rail or working up a sweat by running.

 

Lowlifes and moral cowards now have the Bush administration as an official bench mark.

 

ON A LIGHTER NOTE.

 

Michael Jackson settles his case out of court by agreeing to record The Prince of Bahrain’s songs on his next album: “Ebony and Bribery”

 

Italian Prime Minister Berlusconi says he “admires Obama’s tan” again

proving: “When in Rome don’t always do what the Romans do twice! ”

 

As Lieberman seems unapologetic for his Obama remarks, Democrats

are secretly equipping his senate seat with a whoopie cushion.

 

Oprah has invited Sarah Palin to be stupid enough to show up on her show.

 

 

                    

 

 ”So you get two songs on the new album and I get a new nose”

daily daily.

112508

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

“STUFF YOU JUST CAN’T MAKE UP”

 

“ANNE COULTER’S MOUTH WIRED SHUT.”

 

(She broke her jaw by lying through her very white racist teeth!)

 

**too harsh?

 

 

“BUSH PARDONS PERSON WHO KILLED 3 BALD EAGLES”

 

(This guy killed our symbols while Bush tried to kill the real thing!)

 

**too anti-village idiot?”

 

 

OTHER NEW IN “BRIEFS.”

 

GM today called Citi Bank for a loan.

 

Bush weakens environment by being alive!

 

Rush Limbaugh’s personality enhancing surgery a failure.  

 

Sarah Palin pardoned for destroying complete sentences.

 

Bush declares Iraq war over and “we won” as he is led away by shrinks.

 

Bush website rewrites Iraq war history with Obama starting it.

 

Hannity will do his FOX show without Combes or a moral compass.

 

Lieberman to be retrained in Democratic water boarding camp.

 

Palin to campaign in Georgia… stupid ignorant crowds expected!  

 

Shocking  news !! Obama cabinet looks like they can add things up!

 

More Shocking news !!  Hillary seen looking for dresses.

 

Dick Cheney denies he’s a war criminal while picking wings off flies.

 

Sean Hannity caught in raincoat and long socks at Sarah’s house.

 

Hannity’s ex-priest sells book “Sean’s Secret Solo Sex by way of Sarah”      

   

Russian show of force in Venezuela called stupid by our current stupid.

 

Al Franken demands a recount of his red blood corpuscles.

 

Georgian Republicans admit hacking and shredding..deny voter fraud.

 

 

 

  

 ”A horrible prediction of a possible future first family!”

  

daily

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

STUFF YOU CAN’T MAKE UP!

 

“JUDGE HANDS OUT ‘LISTENING TO MANILOW’ AS TEEN PUNISHMENT”

 

(Same Judge will force jailed Ted Stevens to listen to Snoop Dog) 

 

“SPITZER’S CALL GIRL RECORDS RAP SONG.”

 

(She’s so bad they told her not to give up her night job)

 

“NUDE PHOTOS FOUND IN McDonalds”

 

(Glen Beck has just been accused of trolling for cheap dates) 

 

“BARBAR BUSH HAS AN ULCER!”

 

(Caused by developing a nasty growth years ago called George)

 

 

AND NOW NEWS IN BRIEFS.

 

Obama’s keeping Gates at State and Lieberman under house arrest.

 

Obama asked to do the impossible; find a semblance of common sense and connect it to the Bush administration. 

 

Bush is such lame duck water doesn’t fall off his back.

 

Mortgage lenders are scared Jesus will come back and throw them out of the temple!

 

Liberal bloggers accused of dancing on Dick Cheney’s grave when he’s not even dead yet! 

 

John McCain says Sarah Palin can lead the Republicans if she stops thinking God likes unintelligible gibberish.     

 

EDITORIAL.

 

In case you haven’t noticed an American revolution is taking place. We were too smart to take to the streets where the Bush/Cheney police thugs had been instructed to herd us into cages and to brutalize us. We let angry old Librarian ladies dare those Palin loving Neanderthals to

tazer a hair of their perfect blue hair!

 

No… what we did was we stayed in our soon to be repossessed homes and saved gas by not going anywhere in our soon to be repossessed cars and we bravely blogged !!

 

We are the new American revolution !!

 

We are much funnier than Republicans …I mean we are hilarious!! ….our stuff on You Tube beats the crap out of their stuff. We ram clips of John and Dave and Bill and Steven and Keith down their throats … and they have…er …er…er.. Oh yeah they have Dennis!  A man who will now search for another angle as the angry right wing funny man

thing is now soiling its own underwear.

 

We have “Buzzflash” and “Huffington”… they have “Town friggin’ Hall” which is about as funny as a day of root canal with the sense of humor of James Dobson.

 

And we have captured so many of their weapons to use against them..

There is nothing funnier or more ridiculous than “Idiot America’s” reigning queen of stupidity Sarah Palin..the funniest new comedy star since Lucy.

 

Keith has turned calling Billo’ “a terminal twit” into huge ratings for himself and the new thesbian on the block Rachel…How’s that for the finger you bigots?     

 

And Sean and Rush don’t need to do anything but pontificate from now on as they slowly sink into their own self made piles of excrement.

 

We are millions strong, we have a voice that is being heard, we blog for the people and for the people and with the people.

 

And while we’re doing what we do….we can smoke dope and we don’t have to wear clothes if we don’t want to.. now that’s what I call a real American revolution!!!

 

   

THE FIRST REALLY HAPPY

 

THANKSGIVING FOR 8 YEARS !!!

today….

 

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

INTERNATIONAL DAILY. ***

 

24/7 News coverage of the Mumbai attacks forces Obama to cancel his 40^th

news conference in the last 3 days.

 

Rush Limbaugh blames Obama for the Mumbai attacks.

 

Terrorists hijacked boats from Somali Pirates who had already high jacked them but were lost due to a faulty GM navigation system.

 

Indian intelligence knew about a possible attack weeks ago, but still use the Bush early terror alert manual.

 

US troops to stay in Iraq for 3 more year as the entire Iraqi Parliament agrees to split a $300,000,000 bribe and get free lifetime trips to Disneyland.  

 

…Meanwhile President Karzai of Afghanistan is demanding limits removed to monies the US government can deposit in his Swiss bank account.

 

Sean Penn says Cubans excited to see if Obama is open to lifting the trade embargo adding Havana to the National Baseball League and turning GITMO into a Chamber of Horrors theme park.   

   

Sarah Palin’s plan for a news conference to give her opinion of the terrorist attacks was cancelled as her home base set …the turkey rendering plant was closed for the holiday weekend.

 

A Russian Nuclear ship was attacked in the Caribbean by Somali pirates who were lost due to a faulty GM navigation system. 

 

LOCAL NEWS.

 

Barbara Bush’s recovery from a perforated ulcer had a major setback yesterday when she had a visit from her son George.

 

Some imported Chinese produce has been found to contain plastic components so strong that you can construct a GI Joe doll from a packet of Beijing Bubble gum and a frozen banana.

 

Chinese imported produce is so full of chemicals you can make a

suitcase sized Nuclear weapon from two tins of tuna and a packet of laxatives.

 

*** We realize the seriousness of the attacks on Mumbai but satire is one way of dealing with all situations. We leave the other dealings to the smart people who seem to be coming aboard the ship of state at last.

 

    

 ”Okay Sean stop with the flashing okay?”

weekender.

 

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

HEADLINES WE’D LIKE TO SEE!

 

Right Wing radio clowns offered center ring at The Barnum and Bailey Circus.

 

Anne Coulter has her jaw wired shut permanently!

 

George Bush goes on a trip to Canada and we don’t let him back in!!

 

Daffy Duck discharges a shotgun in Dick Cheney in the face!

 

Dick Cheney goes hunting and accidentally shoots the wrong lame duck.

 

Sarah Palin sees Russia much closer and we don’t let her back in!!

 

Rush Limbaugh incites his listeners to hate and they start to hate him!

 

The National Enquirer reveals Sean Hannity had an affair with himself!

 

AND IN OTHER NEWS!

 

The Indian army needs somebody who can tell them that hashish and terrorism don’t mix.

 

India says Pakistan is involved in the attacks because they’re jealous of India having better Karma.

 

It’s been announced that Bush is to be honored for “being true to his philosophy” with a simple bronze monument depicting a giant Asshole.

 

Our next President is so cool James Bond is taking Obama lessons.

 

Obama pledges to “turn the country around” …Sarah Palin asked does that mean I won’t get to see Russia?”

 

 

Sean Hannity is so uptight about losing the election blood rushed to his head so fast he forgot to kiss Sarah Palin’s ass!

 

Rosie O’Donnell’s Variety show was so bad the NBC Peacock took a crap on the credits.

 

How bad was it ?….Cher sent her a black Orchid.

 

How bad was it ? She was excommunicated by the Gay& Lesbian Alliance!

 

How bad was it?  She was beaten in the ratings by the Emergency Warning signal !

 

How bad was it ? Ron Popeel had better demographics.

 

How bad was it ? Donald Trump felt sorry for her!

 

FINALLY SOME REALLY GOOD NEWS!!!

 

Tom Cruise and David Beckham have started talking to each other again…The world is already a better place!!!

 

 

” I’d like you to be the token at my Christmas party”  

          

Decemberrrrrrr!

 

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

THE HAPPY HILLARY REPORT.

 

Bill Clinton said today “Hillary is happy to have the “big one” and even happier to be made Secretary of State”.

 

Some say Hillary will try to take over the World, but Bill says she’ll be happy with just the Northern Hemisphere.

 

Hillary is so happy to be in the limelight she had her favorite pant suit bronzed and sent to the Smithsonian.

 

Hillary happy at having a big stick! She promised not to hit Bill over the head with it for saying: “Palin is hot.”

 

A happy Hillary said: “Intelligence and experience against a bimbo in heels…. bring the bitch on!”

 

A happy Hillary forgave Bill for everything he ever did…the laundry list has taken 8 days and is still printing.   

 

A happy Hillary confessed today to still being sexually active and occasionally Bill is present.

 

A happy Hillary will leave for Europe as soon as possible to assure the leaders there she won’t take any shit from any president including her own.

 

 

A happy Hillary will send Bill Clinton on a mission to the freezing South Pole where he will be forced to keep it in his pants or have it break off!   

 

 

AND IN OTHER NEWS…

 

Bush FCC president wants porn free internet…..the rest of us wants a Bush free America! 

 

 

Sarah Palin makes a speech in Georgia and pleases a crowd of total white bigots and sex crazed idiots by speaking entirely in unintelligible clichés.

 

Sarah Palin accused of setting back the status of all marginally informed women for decades.

 

Saxby Chambliss the Republican candidate from Georgia accused of having a name that sounds like a modern day slave owner.

 

SHORT SKETCH

 

A SOUTHERN PLANTATION.

DESCEDENT OF MICHELLE OBAMA’S PLEADS WITH SLAVE OWNER

 

LADANIAN:

“Why Massa Saxby Chambliss..I is sorry I din’t clean out yo’ pottie..I deserves a whupping!!’..”

 

WHITE SLAVE OWNER SMILES AND GETS WHIP OUT.

 

CHAMBLISS

“You sure do Ladanian.. you go fetch all the slaves, I got a hankerin’ to whup ‘em all instead of goin’ to the gym today!” 

 

MUSIC UP AND OUT

_________________

ANOTHER SKETCH

_________________

 

PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY.

SAXBY ENTERS IN A SUIT MADE FROM A CONFEDERATE FLAG HE ADDRESSES MEMBERS OF THE PRESS.

 

CHABLISS:

“If I can whup a one legged one armed Viet Vet at the last election with the hep of mah personal hacker then with Palin’s ass, the rest of the white Georgian’s and the votin’ machines the way they still is…I can whup any guy with two arms and two legs!!”

 

HELEN THOMAS:

Forgive a classy old lady Saxby but you’re a sadistic heathen son of a bitch who should have his balls put in a wringer and then boiled in hot chicken fat!”

 

CHAMBLISS”

Forgive me you old liberal bat but a good whupping’ never hurt anyone except the whuppee!”

 

HELEN THOMAS  

You’re lower than a degenerate spelunker. **

 

CHAMBLISS

If Ah knew what that meant you ancient decrepit crone…I’d give you a whuppin!”

 

HELEN THOMAS

You’re so right wing Anne Coulter calls you an extremist.!!

 

HELEN MOONS CHAMBLISS AND EXITS.

 

CHAMBLISS (Admiringly)

Not a bad ass for a Communist!

 

MUSIC UP AND OUT

 

MORE NEWS

 

For this Christmas sale Neiman Marcus has set up security barriers in case of a further fatal stampeding crowd of bank presidents and auto executives.

 

News Flash!!

 

As Bush tries ramming anti environmental and health care legislation…all the toilets in the White House overflowed and Laura and the twins found snakes in their beds. Billy Graham is attempting to contact God.

 

And welcome to DECEMBER where we are forced to buy shit for a lot of people we really don’t think deserve it for the crap they piled on us during the year!!

 

 

 

” I was such a dip shit I helped elect

the first black President…??… hilarious!!”    

 

            

GEORGE BUSH HISTORIC SPEECH

THE GEORGE BUSH LETTER OF “SELF CONGRATULATIONS”.

 

DEAR AMERICAH…..THIS IS YOUR PREZDINT’ SPEAKIN’.

AS I COME TO END OF THE GREATEST 8 YEARS ON YOUR LIFETIMES I TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO GO ON THE INTERNETS AND EXPRESS YOURSELF TO ME.

 

AS YOU REALIZE I HAVE BROUGHT SUCCESSESS AND A LACK

OF PEACEFULNESS TO EVERY AMERICAN….. AS WELL AS PUTTING FOOD ON MOST OF YOU.

 

AS THE CHRISTMAS OF MY TIMES LIVIN’ IN THE WHITE HOUSE ARE ENDIN’… I CAN LOOK BACK AND FEEL THE PROUDNESSESS OF THOSE DIEBOLD PEOPLES WHO GOT ME ELECTIVATED TWICER THAN ONCE.

 

I AM“THE DECIDER” I’M PRIDEFUL OF DECIDIN’ ON KILLIN’ MAIMIN’ TORTURIN’ DESTROYIN’  ENVIRONMENTS, CAUSIN’ BLACK PEOPLES TO DROWN’ AND MAKIN’ MY DADDY AND UNCLE DICKIE’S FRIENDS SO RICH THEY DON’T GIVE A RAT’S’ ASS ABOUT THE REST OF YOU PATRIOTISMICS.

 

I SUPPORTOVATED  THE TROOPS UNTIL THEY GOT MAIMED AND CAME HOME…I KEPT LIBBY OUT OF JAIL EVEN THOUGH HE HAD TRAITOROROUSNESS WRITTEN ALL OVER HIS BODY AND I FILLED THE SUPREME COURT WITH WHITE GUYS WHO AGREED WITH ME  IN THE COMMUNICATION OF MAN AND FISH.  

 

BUT MY CROWN OF GLORIOUSNESS WILL BE WINNING THE WAR AGAINST THE EVIL EMPIRE OF IRAQ BY DECLARING I WON IT.  …. EVEN THOUGH I WASN’T PREPARED FER ITS RESULTS

SOME NAY SAYERS AND HOMOSEXUALITIES WILL SAY I AM THE WORSTEST OF THEIR PREZDINTS’!!  TO THEM  I SAY: “BRING IT ON ”.. I ACCOMPLISHED MY MISSION WITHOUT HAVING A SINGLE DRINK APART FROM LAST WEEK WHEN I REINTROUCED ALCHOHOLISM TO MYSELF AND MY ENTIRE FAMILY.

 

 

 

 

 

DAILY DAILY..

 

 

 

HEADLINES READ!

 

The Stock market crashes as Sarah Palin says she has economic plan!!

 

Bush says he was “unprepared for war”… now he tells us!!  

 

Barbara Bush recovering from an ulcer and an idiot.!!

 

Bush killed 1,000,000,000 plus the Republican party in 8 years … as they say: “you lose some and you lose some!”

 

Limbaugh says Hillary a great pick…now we really have to worry!!

 

Palin still wearing Neiman Marcus clothes, did she buy them back at the auction?

 

Palin’s speeches in Georgia only understood by a drunk in Atlanta.

 

Joke writers rejoice in the return of the dumb blonde replacement joke runner….“Alaskan Bimbo gags”

**** PLEASE SEE AT END OF TODAY’S DAILY DAILY. 

 

 AND IN FURTHER DAILY STUPIDITY…

 

Bill Kristol wanting Bush torturers pardoned, was admitted to hospital last night where it was discovered he lacked a human gene.

 

Bill Kristol has been given “The Golden Electroid” award and named Man of the Year by the American Marquis De Sade Society.

 

Fox News has given Bill Kristol a new contract and his own dungeon.

 

Bill Kristol will open The Donald Rumsfeld Home for Retired Torturers.

 

Fox News accused of condoning the use of torture by continuing to employ Sean Hannity.

 

Sean Hannity was spotted in Georgia stalking Sarah disguised as a peach tree.

 

“Late Night Talk Show Hosts for a Palin Presidency” groups are sprouting up across the country.

 

 Tina Fey to dust off the Palin costume ….and sharpen her visceral.

 

20,000 troops to be deployed in the US to protect us from attacks by terrorists and credit card collection agents.

 

Tiger Woods won’t be selling Buicks any more..GM needs his salary for jet fuel.

 

 ***ALASKAN BIMBO JOKES.

 

How can you tell if an Alaskan Bimbo is a good cook?

She gets the pop tart out of the toaster in one piece!

 

What are the worst 6 years of an Alaskan Bimbo’s life?

Third grade!!

 

What do you call an Alaskan Bimbo with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant!

 

How did the Alaskan Bimbo die ice fishing?

She was run over by the Zambonis machine!  

 

What do you call an Alaskan Bimbo with 90% of her intelligence gone?

Divorced !! 

SEE IT WORKS PERECTLY!!

 

All the papers and magazines waiting

to be read by Palin..all of them!   

 

 

 

 

Third!

11 3 08

 

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

Georgia elects Chambliss proving that some of the South still tests positive as a toxic waste dump.

 

The Georgian Democratic candidate was so weak even his wife and kids voted for Chambliss.

 

Sarah Palin said her speeches caused the win, Chambliss said: “She looked cute but we’re still trying to work out what she said” 

 

Georgia elects a draft dodging hypocritical right wing extremist

which is seen as a win for America by the Southern White Ostrich vote.

 

Meanwhile in Minnesota Democrats not excited with Al Franken seems weird as they’ve had a bunch of comedians running things for 8 years.

 

Al Franken is behind in the hand recount by 3 votes and a sneeze.

 

The Obama has blacks, women, a Mexican and white folks in his cabinet but where are the Eskimos and the Gay Chinese hookers?

 

There’s a campaign to keep the “Christ in Christmas” and the “Jesus Christ” out of comments about Hillary’s appointment.

 

On CNN Christopher Hitchens had such a “Clinton conniption” he steamed up Wolf Blitzer’s glasses and made Candy Crowley’s sweat off 30 pounds.

Auto executives come up with a new bailout plan that has them designing a get-away-car.

 

The NRA honored the NFL’s Plaxico Burress last night as being a hero  for only shooting himself in the leg…       

 

AND FINALLY THE “CAN’T HELP MYSELF DAILY ALASKAN BIMBO JOKE.”

 

 

Why do Alaskan Bimbos drive BMW’s?

Because they can spell it!

 ” I got a book in me I know!”      

fourth!!

12. 4. 08.

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

Desperate Auto executives plead for bailout!!! Promising to shop at the 99 cent stores and offered their wives up for work at the Chicken Ranch.

 

Desperate Auto Unions leaders offered to cut their demands and stop listening to Michael Moore’s crap about equality. 

 

Desperate Chrysler now has a hybrid luxury car that runs on Perrier.

 

Desperate Ford has a car that saves on mileage by only running in reverse. 

 

GM executives are so desperate they’ve cut out Christmas gifts over a million five.   

 

The Big 3 Auto makers spent so much time detailing their new plan they already made $500,000 in interest on the 3 billion they haven’t got yet.

 

Karl Rove will rewrite, in glowing terms, the history of the Bush Presidency. He is expected to will a Pulitzer Prize for best fiction.

 

Karl Rove’s reputation as a political genius now has as much credibility as Trent Lott’s hair piece.

 

Sarah Palin apologized when she accidentally called Karl’s new Legacy assignment “The Bush Leprosy.”

 

Even more campaign finances were spent on Palin’s wardrobe Some say it was due to that Sean Hannity/Sarah visit to “Trashy Lingerie.”
 

Anne Coulter’s mouth, being wired shut, makes her performance at the Fox Christmas Party unique. She will sign the words to “Silent Night.”

 

Lou Dobbs of CNN has finally joined the ranks of the journalistically insane and will be inducted into the Right -Wing -Nut-Case Hall of Fame by founding member Sean Hannity wearing his “Can I please have some more Mistress Sarah” T-shirt.

 

Wolverine Comic book fanatics are protesting to Christians around the world for their unfair demands to take the “X” out of “Xmas”.

Bill O’Reilly got so upset about the “Christ” in  the Christmas thing he had a seizure and had to be given CPR by a passing Rabbi.

 

Obama will be firing all of Bush’s foreign ambassadors when it was reported that their combined IQ was the equivalent of Britanny Spears’.

 

Bush blames war with Iraq on bad intelligence….right….his!!

 

Obama takes first question from Fox News at News conference.

It was: “Where’s the men’s room?”

 

The NFL’s Plexico Burress facing jail on several counts including:  “Concealing a weapon and a pea brain”.

 

It was revealed the reason the NFL’s Plaxico Burress is so screwed up is…during high school he refused to wear a helmet.

 

Is Bill Clinton’s roll in the new administration is going to be “roving eye ambassador ?”

 

” I don’t want to alarm you

but I’m $1,000,000 over on

The Master Charge”

   

    

fifth….

12 5.08

 

 

THE DAILY DAILY

 

The ABC’s Charles Gibson George Bush interview has been sold to Comedy Central.

 

Wall Street and Detroit met yesterday to compare bonuses.

 

OJ Simpson goes to jail and will soon be joined by most of the NFL.

 

Boy George going to jail and will enjoy it immensely.

 

Plaxico Burress will be going to jail for having a concealed brain.

 

The ratings at the news nets are so high during star power trials CNN will now pay large fees to encourage more celebrity crime.

 

**It’s rumored that Brittany Spears and Lindsay Lohan will get stoned, run over a cop’s foot, crash into a church and split the $2,000,000 fee next week.

 

The Senate is not convinced by the Auto makers and will announce The Big 3 as a Big Zero!

 

Gas prices will go down drastically changing the Saudi Arabian King’s plans to buy Sarah Palin a new wardrobe.

 

NASCAR is in trouble if Big 3 go under and are looking at 45 miles an hour Hybrid sissy racing.

 

Pakistan says it had nothing to do with the Mumbai attacks apart from

providing the terrorists with blanket news coverage.

 

Bush legacy writer Karl Rove has had two computers crash so far as he searches for a positive.

 

After the possibility he may be indicted, the Dick Cheney family called in an exorcist, as Dick’s head was doing a 360 and he was calling his wife a Hump Dumpling.!!  

 

An unauthorized biography of Dick Cheney’s life story will be written by Steven King.

 

Alberto Gonzalez has been fired by his new clients the Mafia for being untrustworthy.

 

The Catholic Church has told Sean Hannity to stop molesting the English language.

 

Lindsay Lohan has confirmed she’s bi-polar.

 

Laura Bush is decorating the new $2,000,000 house in Dallas as she prepares to tell George to go find his own house.

 

 FLASH!!

 

“Sarah Palin to get her own cable network.”

 

Channel 247.  TTTV     ( TRAILER TRASH TV.)

 

                  Schedule.

 

“Early Morning Sickness.”

Sarah tells what it is like to be permanently pregnant.

 

“Home Improvement Show”

Sarah tells how to use public funds.

 

“Cooking Big Dead Things”

 Sarah tells how to make moose into just about everything.

 

“Judge Sarah.”

Sarah acquits herself and Ted Stevens of everything.

 

TTTV News and Weather.

Sarah says to rule the World you need Neiman Marcus.

 

“No Deal but My Deal.”

Sarah is the contestant and wins big bucks from everyone else.

 

“$1,000,000 Make Over.”

Sarah & family have complete daily hair and make up done by non-gays!

 

“No Survivors.”

Winner who shoots most defenseless animals gets to worship Sarah and give her things…

 

 “Dangerous Governors.”   

 Sarah fires state troopers & hires incompetent family members.

 

“CSI Alaska.”     

 Sarah and Ted Stevens know where all the bodies are buried.

  

“The 700 and a Half Show.”

God loves Sarah & promises to make her Empress of the Universe.

 

“Late Night with Sarah.”

She disses Liberals with comedy material she doesn’t understand.

 

“All Night with Sarah.”

She is computer generated into every movie ever made.

 

The TTTV Award Show.

Sarah is given “The Ego” a Golden Statuette for most appearances on television without any substance.  

 

    A LEGACY PHOTO FOR THE ALBUM 

 

“Come on baby..say a nice bye bye to the Decider!”   

sixth…..

 

12.6.08

 

THE DAILY DAILY

 

Congress offers auto industry a reprieve they get the bailout if they start designing cars that last longer than NBC’s mid season replacements.   

 

The Bush $2,000,000 house in Dallas is said to have a fool proof alarm system….. George won’t get past the front door. 

 

 

Bush fist bumps Santa and Fox News calls him a terrorist.

 

 

 

 

FLASHING RED LIGHT NEWS!!

To save California from going bankrupt Schwarzenegger has hired Tommy Chong to project legalized Pot tax revenues.  So far Tommy has not been able to find Sacramento or his car. 

 

 SHOCKING NEW BUSH FACTS!!

 

Bush makes a long speech about how great his presidency has been but only his dog believes it.

 

Bush is so in denial his positive blood count is negative.

 

A contrite Laura says what Bush needs is a sodium pentothal suppository.

 

Bush is such a lame duck the Secret Service got him a handicapped parking permit.

 

New Christian Leader Rick Warren tells Sean Hannity Jesus condones the assassination of Iranians but not on Sundays.

 

Sean Hannity’s statement about God being exclusively signed to Fox News has been disputed by Pat Robertson who had just come back from Heaven where he was on a fact finding hallucination.

 

When a photo of an Obama speechwriter groping a Hillary cutout was exposed..Hillary laughed and  said “It’s the best sex I’ve had all year!”

 

An equal time Atheist sign next to a Nativity scene in the lobby of a local State House was stolen and later found in a ditch…Fanatical Christian fingerprints were found on it.

 

***Bill O’Reilly was held responsible by angry atheists and skeptics who also recently debunked Bill’s claim of being a journalist.

 

Atheists today claimed that if there was a just God he never would have created Republicans.

 

FACTOID.

Atheists today claimed most kids today stop believing in Santa and Virgin birth around the age of 10…but they still like the tree, the presents and the carols until after the third divorce.

 

 

“The George Bush legacy!”

 

 

 

8th…

 

 

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

The short term bailout for the Auto industry will only cover lunch money and toilet paper.

 

Communist China’s executives accuse workers who took over a Chicago factory to protest losing their jobs to China …of being Communists.

 

China’s juvenile employees have been given new incentives to improve production, they include free DVD’s of “High School Musical 3.”

 

The Chinese work force is so young executives take Cartoon Network breaks.

 

The Chinese work force is so young even the senior executives are juniors.

 

The Chinese work force is so young when input is down the workers are grounded and sent to their rooms  

 

The Chinese workers are so young they’re still pre-pimple.

 

Everything in Wal-Mart is made in China by 12 year olds apart from the rules about no lunch breaks and talking to Union assholes.

 

COMMENT.

“We buy Chinese at the stores and Arabian Oil at the pump.. proving a stupid President is not the only thing that’s been stupid for 8 years.”

 

**As succinctly as possible…“we’ve successfully invaded ourselves and are being occupied by a foreign power… and holy shit it’s us!”

 

QUESTION.

Auto Workers sacrifice.. but what about the Wall Street worker?? Paulson says they given up the 2 Martini lunch and silk socks.

 

MORE NEWS.

Michael Moore is planning to march on and over Sean Hannity.

 

 

OBAMA DRAMA

Obama plans to put people to work building roads and bridges and schools and a thirty foot wall around Anne Coulter.

 

Obama’s new Cabinet team is being accused of being “too smart” by people who think Fox News is real and not something thought up by escaped certifiably insane human waste.

 

**If the above it too strong please delete “human waste” and replace it with “human crap!”    

 

Left wing Liberals are so pissed off at Obama for not hiring any of them to cabinet posts that they’re going on a non fat latte fast.

 

Left Wing Liberals are so pissed off at Obama that they held a meeting and one of them actually stamped his foot and was ejected for inciting a riot.

 

FOX NEWS ABUSE.

Chris Wallace was caught on tape recently sticking his head so far up Dick Cheney’s anal tract that when he talked you could hear an echo

coming out of Dick’s ears.

 

The Fox “fair and balanced” news will be taken to new heights when Sean Hannity’s show will be taped entirely from a Catholic confessional.

 

The Catholic Church approved of this and will send a Cardinal replacing Allan Combs who is now in a Home for Pseudo Liberals.

 

The Christian Right will now become a branch of Fox News and will be

presenting a fair and balanced version of the Virgin birth and humans and dinosaurs living together in harmony.  

 

RIDICULOUS STATEMENTS

Condi Rice says Bush will go down in history as a “strategically correct president” she was quickly offered a job writing gags for Letterman.

  

SOCIAL COMMENT.

When Rove says Bush will go down in the history as “one of the most misunderstood Presidents of all time”, he’s right, neither Lincoln  or FDR wanted to “put food on every American” and asked for “a communion between man and fish.”

 

It’s true, as Peggy Noonan says, Bush kept us safe from foreign terrorists after 911…but that was right before he didn’t keep us safe from foreign terrorists.

 

BUSINESS NEWS

China is about to buy up California foreclosure real estate big time. They’re starting with Ed McMahon’s place and working their way to

the Hummer car lots.

 

The New York Times is broke….this is due to poor circulation brought on by a disease known as “William Kristolitis.”

 

McDonalds is doing great business in the recession due to their new policy of dollar meals being served by dollar an hour help.

 

George Bush is buying a home in a ritzy previously Dallas “whites only”

enclave….the residents have asked for references.

 

Bush has sold the Crawford Ranch to MGM as a prop.

  

 

9th of….

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

BREAKING BREAK!

When it was revealed that Illinois Governor was arrested for trying to sell Obama’s senate seat to the highest bidder his comment was : “It’s like a Sergio Leone movie, I’m the good and he’s the bad and the ugly!”

 

Ted Stevens is outraged that he may have to share a cell with a Democrat.

 

The Illinois Governor will be charged with conspiracy to sell furniture in a Senate. 

 

Obama is distancing himself from the Governor by saying he isn’t really from Chicago but basically a Hawaiian who wanted to live in extremely cold weather.

 

The Illinois governor declared himself as innocent of all charges except

the first 53.

 

Al Capone’s family send congratulations to the governor on putting Chicago back at number one.

 

 

BREAKING BREAKING BREAKING!! 

 

Television executives announced that Jay Leno to get his own prime time show keeping Jay and their jobs safe at NBC for at least the first week of the ratings.

 

Jay’s home audience immediately became so excited they lost control of their walkers and fell into their oatmeal.

 

Jay said his show would be almost the same as the late night show only

the demographic would go from completely comatose to awake with hardly a pulse.

 

David Letterman meanwhile demanded that CBS give him a 24/7 cable channel of his own or he will reveal Sumner Redstone’s My Space address.  

 

AND IN OTHER NEWS!

 

The NAACP has just officially declared Supreme court Justice Clarence Thomas white!  

 

Obama was finally declared an American by the Supreme Court yesterday, Justice Clarence Thomas, who said he would hear the case against Obama, was declared an idiot.

 

Streisand kisses Bush on the cheek and is checked for major drug use.

 

The laid off Chicago union workers who took over their factory will turn it into affordable housing and offer a Condo to Michael Moore.    

 

Wal-Mart is so nervous they’re installing x-ray machines that scan for union organizers. 

 

Unions are on the move all over the country and corporations are so nervous they’re quaking in their profit margins. 

 

The oil companies are doing more offshore banking that offshore drilling.

 

The price of oil is dropping quicker than Pamela Anderson’s clothes when there’s a camera around.

 

The price of oil is dropping quicker than Sarah Palin’s acceptance of any appearance on Fox news.

 

Obama appoints retired general to VA post who was fired by Bush…a big plus on the General’s resume. 

 

The Female Republican judge who is defying protocol and refusing to step down when Obama takes over, will be visited shortly by Carmine the Neck and Two Toes Mancuso from Chicago. (back at #1)

 

It’s rumored that Bill O’Reilly now wants to put the “Chrys” back in Chrysler.

 

The war on Christmas took on an ominous tone today when Santa was accused of putting children on his knee and making them excited by being just a little too jolly.

 

The LA Comedy Club was accused by Bill O’Reilly of covering all the bases with their nativity display showing Mary, Jesus, and Joseph and the 3 Wise Stooges.

 

 

 

       “ Illinois corrections officer”

 

    

Corruption Special!!!

The DAILY DAILY. CORRUPTION SPECIAL!!!!

 

Obama says he hardly knows the Illinois Governor apart from the land deals , the lunches , the dinners and time they shared a pup tent at the

annual Chicago corruption camp out.

 

Governor Blagojevich of Illinois was caught on tape called Obama a mother @#$%^!& …and Obama is $#%^&#@!! … glad he did.!! 

 

The governor says he’d heard the mysterious clicking on his phone but thought it was those two thousand Verizon people outside taking care of him.

 

The governor went right back to work after bail was posted and quickly sold his wife and one of his children plus his parrot and his brother.   

 

Rush Limbaugh is blaming Obama for breathing the same air as Blagojevich. 

 

Sarah Palin wanted to make a comment but couldn’t pronounce “Blagojevich.”

 

Chicago is so corrupt the crooked cops pay off the more than crooked cops.

 

We’ve all heard of a Christmas sale but this was ridiculous.

 

The band named Chicago will change their name to Pittsburgh.

 

There’s talk of the governor resigning & being impeached ..also talk of  Democrats accidentally running him over with a pavement roller.

 

Jailed Republicans across the country sent Blagojavich a helpful

brochure: “A Day in the Life of the Arrogantly Incarcerated. ”

 

Jack Abramof sent a sympathy card and the name of his book agent.

 

MUSIC CUE…

 

LOONY LOOKING GUY IN YELLOW CHECKERED SUIT ENTERS.

 

LOONY GUY:

This guy is so corrupt he picks his own pockets.

 

This guy is so corrupt when he signs a check he uses invisible ink.

 

This guy is so corrupt the only time he’s not lying through his teeth is during root canal.

 

This guy is so corrupt he lies when he’s talking in his sleep.

 

This guy is so corrupt when people slip him money under the table he takes the table too.

 

This guy is so corrupt his checks have more bounce in them than Pamela Anderson at a fast trot.

 

This guy is so corrupt when he drives by Fort Knox … alarms go off.

 

This guy is so corrupt he has so much money in the Bahamas … they sank.

 

This guy is so corrupt… used car salesmen refer to him as the Messiah!

 

This guy is so corrupt Tony Soprano went gay on him.

 

This guy is so corrupt the mayor of Las Vegas gave him Cher.

 

This guy is so corrupt he has an Un-American Express card.

 

This guy is so corrupt the Mafia tapped his phone.

 

This guy is so corrupt the Wall Street Journal cancelled his subscription

 

This guy is so corrupt even his kid’s piggy bank needs auditing.

 

 

  “We’re going to hang the Governor’s balls over there”

 

   

 

Thurs…

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

STUPID GOVERNOR NEWS!!

 

NEWS FLASH!!

 

Bragojevich has just announced he will resign to the highest bidder!!

 

The entire population of Chicago has just denied having ever spoken with Governor Blagojevich. 

 

50 Democratic senators have asked the governor to step down into the sewer from which he came. 

 

Blagojevich  said the “F” word so many times on wire taps some people thought it was Dick Cheney.

 

Republicans are blaming Obama and threatening to find stuff about him that doesn’t exhist.

 

Blagojevich’s wife was so profane she peeled the paint off an FBI Buick.

 

Bragojevich’s wife was so profane she made Chris Rock blush.

 

Bragojevich’s wife was so profane The Chicago Bears threw her out of the locker room.

 

Bragojevich’s wife was so profane teenagers wrote down her stuff to use against their parents.     

 

OTHER NOT WORTHY NEWS.

 

Joe the Plumber is angry and says McCain promised him hot intimate evenings with Sarah and he got cold cuts with CNN’s Candy Crowley.  

 

Joe is so pissed off at McCain he’s going to put a chapter about it in his book as soon as he learns some more big words.

 

Joe loves Sarah Palin however and says there’s no one else he’d rather kill and field dress defenseless animals with.

 

It’s official as of yesterday Larry Craig is a pervert!!  Larry’s “wide stance” appeal was denied and he’ll have to face the music…the music will be by the Village People.

 

Larry will be charged with a Mister- demeanor.

 

Larry will be charged under the “George Michael Sleazy Men’s Room Act”.  Punishment is spending time in a cell with a very bitchy queen.

 

Larry is technically not gay and was bi-sexual until his wife gained 200 pounds and started snoring like a hippo.

 

The people in Larry’s home state have forgiven him but will not allow him near the easy to persuade older men in town.

 

Larry will also have to give up some of his dresses but can keep

his Donna Karen knock offs.

 

GM and the other American companies get their interim bailout which should last them at least through some light lunches and a couple of gas guzzlers.

 

ODD NEW THINGS!

 

GOLDEN GLOBES NOMINATIONS

Pamela Anderson was awarded a special Golden Globe nomination today for “Best Golden Globes.”

 

Foreign Press members sent in their Golden Globe ballots from AA meetings around the World.    

 

Foreign Press nominated Frost/Nixon a movie that is so obscure even

The distributors don’t know where it’s playing.

 

 

OPRAH RATINGS AND SIZE HUGE AGAIN!

Oprah knew she was getting tubby when she had a sit down dinner with Doctor Phil and the chair broke.

 

JAY LENO TO COMPETE AGAINST CSI.

The President of CBS said with confidence that Leno will attempt to win in the ratings against CSI …over his dead bodies….    

 

JAPANESE MAN HAS DAILY SEX WITH A ROBOT.

A man in Japan made headlines by making love to a lifelike female robot every day…that was until somebody found out it was actually Anne Coulter.

 

 

 
“The Portrait of Dorian Bush!” 

friday 12th

THE DAILY DAILY.

 

UNION BUSTING SPECIAL.  ** Including an extensive use of a profanity due to me being a union member since before I lost my sex drive.  

 

NEWS OF THE DAY.

The Vapors are angry that Southern Senators are reviving their 80’s hit…“I think I’m turning Japanese”.

 

***The colorful video being shot right now has the senators in a circle jerk at the Toyota factory in Montgomery Alabama. 

 

It’s reported by reliable sources that Southern Republican senators who want to bust the unions wear Confederate Flag motive underwear. 

 

It’s reported that the minority of Southern Republican senators have Sushi and Bratwurst for lunch every day even if it makes them want to throw up. 

 

The Benedict Arnold Society issued a statement regarding the Southern Senators reading: “We salute you as fellow traitorous assholes!”

 

The Winston Churchill family issued a statement reading: “Never have so few assholes decided so much for so many.!!”

 

The Robert E Lee foundation issued a statement reading: “We knew the South would rise again…. Pity this isn’t it you assholes!”

 

Dick Cheney issued a statement saying: “I have pictures of Corker with a defrocked nun and a chicken and still these assholes did this!!”

 

The UAW announced today that all GM trucks sent to the South will have defective brakes. 

 

South Korea will set up demilitarized zones between their factories in

the South and the GM dealerships.

 

Southern senators refused to meet with angry UAW officials today until they gave them back their first born sons.

 

There is no truth to the rumor that UAW workers are paid $70 an hour

It’s $20 an hour plus tips.

 

THE “LET’S TRY TO DESTROY THE BLACK MAN NEWS”

Today Republicans announce their plans to find a way to make Obama guilty of everything Jack Abramoff did.

 

Rush Limbaugh has a new policy…Find out anything about anything that’s corrupt in the world and get Kevin Bacon to attach it to Obama.

 

Obama stated today that “sticks and stones can hurt my bones but Fox  will never hurt me!”

 

Sean Hannity says Patrick Fitzgerald cleared Obama of any wrong doing…so he’s not sure Patrick is actually Irish.

 

The extreme right wing has such a hate on for Obama they have decided to boycott dark chocolate, brown shoes and Jack Black.

 

Obama’s first act as president will be to send troops to invade the sovereign state of Rush Limbaugh and find his weapons of mass delusion.

 

The right wing criticism of Obama appeals to the 31% of Americans who still think Sarah Palin could handle the economic crisis, two wars,

Global warming, the English language and Antonio’s daily hair and make up temper tantrums.

     

Obama is staying out of the Illinois legislature’s attempts to get rid of the crooked Governor by continuing to wear a grass skirt and say he’s Hawaiian and singing“Tiny Bubbles”.

 

 

LIMERICK MOMENTS.

 

“Son of a Blagojevich”

 

There once was a crook for Chicago

wanting bribes to be put in Wells Fargo,

Then along came a mick and proved him a dick..

like more of the Govs from Chicago!

 

 

“Replace your current woman with the all new Toyota hybrid woman..Viagra option included”   

 

 

“Weak British Prime Minister with strong chick”

“NBC mistakenly makes David Gregory host of

“Meet the Press” instead of “Dancing with the Stars!!” 

(He’s the dork on the left of the other dorks) 

Week End special.

 

DAILY DAILY WEEK-ENDLY.

 

HEADLINE PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEXT DECADE.

 

SOUTHERN STATES SECEDE!

President Obama announced today that Southern States have become so un-American and moronic he has decided to allow them to secede.

 

SOUTHERN STATES CAPITULATE

German and Japanese ambassadors today accepted the surrender of Alabama, Tennessee and Iowa; bringing their successful foreign invasion of the South to a conclusion.

 

GERMANY INSTALLS PUPPET GOVERNMENT

Southern senators will form a Quisling government in Mobile Alabama and install Sarah Palin as Empress. Alaska will also secede but nobody gives a shit.

 

JAPAN TIGHTENS SECURITY.

All Union members will be rounded up and sent to Wal-Mart anger management concentration camps for retraining as subservient drones.  

 

NEW LANGUAGES TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS.

Toyota and Volkswagen auto workers will be given the option of learning 3 new languages…Japanese, German or Palin.

 

NEW HEALTH CARE PLAN ANNOUNCED

The Southern occupation government agreed today to a health & wellness plan for workers; 2 Aspirins with water and a pat on the back.

 

PALIN INSTALL ENTIRE FAMILY.

Empress Palin’s entire royal family was sworn in today as living Gods. They will have the run of the capitol Mobile and can buy anything expensive they want for the rest of their lives.

 

GUNS DECLARED LEGAL

The New South declared guns legal in Kindergartens and Mental Institutions as well as making it legal to shoot Liberals as long as you have a license.

 

  

PRESS FREEDOMS LOOSENED.

Media commissioner Lord Sean Hannity today announced that outright lying will be allowed in all Southern press outlets.

 

Lord Hannity also announced “Fox News South” plans to start live pod casting of the popular Southern public water boarding and gonad electrode spectaculars. 

 

HIGH RATINGS FOR TORTURE SPECIALS PREDICTED.

Fox analysts say their torture specials will garner the much sought 12 to 85 Southern angry white shit kicker with 12 guns and a Box Car Willy CD collection demographic.

 

THE LAST OF THE “I” PROBLEM LEAVES.

Empress Palin’s government is pleased to announce that the last Southern intellectual was deported yesterday and the South is entirely blissfully ignorant.

 

EXTRA SPECIAL NEWS FLASH!!!

“SOUTH RESTRICTS BUSH APPEARENCES!!.” 

Ex-President Bush’s various embarrassing 

moments lately will lead to restrictions on his public appearences. These moments include the further tripping over his dog, trying to massage his prostrate during a photo op with the Dallas Cowboy’s Cheerleaders, and constantly using the women’s toilet at the State House and not putting the toilet seat down.

He will only be used to opening hog calling events and intimate book signings as soon as he finds anybody on the planet who wants to publish his memoirs.  

    

 

AND NOW SCROLL DOWN FOR A RECENT BUSH CEREMONY …………………..

 

 

 

  

  

   

 

 

 

    

 

Dec 15th ..it must be Shoe Time.

Dec. 15th

 

THE DAILY DAILY

 

Muntazar Al –Zaidi the World’s newest media superstar!!)

 

PITY THE LAME DUCK THAT DUCKED SPECIAL!!

 

WE COVER THE BUSH COMEDY TOUR OF IRAQ.

 

Bush’s weapon of mass destruction finally found … it’s a size 10 Italian loafer!!

 

Iraq journalist Muntazar has been asked by Obama to come to Chicago and throw an entire line of Florsheim’s at Blagojevich.

 

Dietitian Seymour Bird said today that although the Bush brain has long since become lime Jell-O.. his ducking reflexes are still amazingly good.

 

The shoes used in the attack have been taken into custody and will be auctioned on EBay to pay for Muntazar’s trial.

 

Trying to win at least one game this season Muntazar has been offered the quarter back job for the Detroit Lions.

 

When Bush’s joke: “There’s no business like Shoe Business!” fell flat.. he blamed Dennis Miller.

 

Condi Rice said today: “Not since Bob Hope’s foreign wartime tours has anyone achieved so much through slapstick.

 

GURU BERNIE SAYS: “Those that throw the first Shoe should aim better with the second one!”

 

 Many Iraqi’s are angry at Muntazar ….for missing!!

 

And frustratingly for the Governor of Alaska, there’s now another major new media personality with a name she can’t pronounce.

 

NEWS FLASH!!

A well known professor of the English language hired by Palin has been found in his hotel room in Nome talking gibberish and trying to string simple sentences together.

 

MUSIC CUE: “ARABIAN UP TEMPO.

 

MAN COMES OUT IN GREEN AND BLUE SUIT WITH LITTLE LIGHTS FLASHING ON IT. HE HAS A LARGE FESTIVE RED NOSE AND ANTLERS.

 MAN.

 How about this Munti guy ….he’s the talk of the Arabian world!

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs…he’s been given 300 Virgins without having to blow himself up!!

 

Muntis is so popular with Arabs they’ve named a goat after him.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs the Saudi’s named a beheading after him!!

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs they’re building a Mosque in the shape of a Wing Tip.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs he’s been made host of “Iraq Idol.”

Munti is so popular with Arabs they’re making a movie called “Munti of Arabia”

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs they’re putting a functioning toilet in his house.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs his wife doesn’t have to wash the feet of his Mullah for a month.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs his wife can listen to music on Tuesdays.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs the Sultan of Dubai has given him a desert.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs they’ve put him on their waiting list for a studio apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs that they’re bronzing his house.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs the Iraqi government found some of the missing billions dollars and gave it to him.

 

Munti is so popular with Arabs his wives can commit adultery without being stoned to death and will only have the shit kicked out of them.

 

Munti is so popular wth Arabs he’s been  made an honorary terrorist.

MUSIC  TAG .

 

OTHER NEWS.

Catherine Kennedy has decided to give up shopping and run for the senate seat in New York.

 

Although the Kennedy name will help…her political experience is about as deep as Mitt Romney’s personality.  

 

McCain backs off endorsing Sarah Palin saying “She’s got a great body …but so has Joe Lieberman and he doesn’t owe me money!”

 

When Elton John lost the “Tantrum and Tiara’s” libel suit against The Guardian he  had a tantrum, stamped on his tiara and threw a flower arrangement at a passing satirist.

 

GURU BERNIE SAYS: “Credit card companies that “internally” investigating credit card rate manipulation is like Vegas investigating slot machine cheating!”

 

 

        ”Next shoe being readied for throwing at Bush” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

 

Dec 17th.

“THE WAR AND NO PEACE” DICK CHENEY 

                          INTERVIEW.

Dick Cheney confessed to ABC yesterday that he is a weapon of mass destruction..this right after attending human sacrifice services at a local Church of Beelzebub.

 

In an interview at ABC Cheney said people just don’t understand some war crimes are not all that bad.

 

Cheney revealed the actual Colin Powell sock puppet he used at the United Nations.

 

Cheney showed ABC the mind numbing drugs they never had to use on George Bush.

 

Cheney will screen Donald Rumsfeld’s original power point presentation: “Let’s Put the Ouch Back in Interrogation!”

 

Dick Cheney will appear in concert with Ozzie Osborne and will bite the head off a live Peace demonstrator.

 

Dick Cheney will be honored at the Horror Awards this year as being more scary than Leather Face.  

  

Japanese movie producers have asked Dick to appear in “Godzilla Meets Dick Cheney”.

 

Cheney has had many job offers from deposed Sociopath dictators around the World.

 

Cheney told reporters he didn’t regret being responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people and wished some of them had been named Olberman.

 

 

AND IN OTHER NEWS.

 

Japanese movie producers have asked The Southern Republicans to appear in “Godzilla Meets the Union Killers!”

 

Japanese movie producers have asked Blagojevich to appear in:  ”Godzilla Meets the Giant Scumbag!”    

 

ANOTHER KENNEDY INTO POLITICS

Hillary’s stewing in her pant suits ..Carolyn Kennedy says: “She’s got the world to have a cow about now all I want is a better table at Sardi’s”

 

Hillary is so pissed off at another influential political family name taking her New York senate seat she’s having an ego makeover.

 

Meanwhile Bill Clinton says it’s going to be interesting sleeping with another secretary.

 

REPUBLICAN HACK ATTACKED BY MATTHEWS      

The top of Newsman Chris Matthew’s head blew off last night when a Bush Shill, excusing the war in Iraq, said:“4,000 American troops had to die”…Studio staff were able to put his head back together in time for him to stuff an MSNBC microphone up the shill’s anus and wish him a Merry Christmas.

 

                  A BLOG SPECIAL EVENT!!!!!!

 

 PLOT SUBMITTED AS PILOT TO SCI FI CHANNEL  

 

Plotline:

 

President Bush is finally revealed as the alien creature “Margog” sent to destroy the World as we know it… he eats a horrified Laura and her dog …then signs into law the total destruction of the environment …the end of medical care for everyone and the annihilation of the banking system.

 

Madi a brave Iraqi journalist is the only one to realize the world is in danger of totally obliteration. He discovers by accident “Margog’s” Achilles heel!

 

“Margog” can only be defeated by throwing shining black shoes at him. Instead of being hailed as a hero however the reporter has the crap kicked out of him and he’s thrown into jail and tortured while “Margog” continues to fool some of the people some of the time but fool himself none of the time while putting tainted food on every American.

 

When will the world understand the terrible truth?

 

The alien monster “Margog” cannot be stopped by weak kneed Harry Reid legislation… “Margog” cannot be stopped by Keith Olberman’s left wing ranting.. “Margog” must be cornered and bombarded by weapons of shoe destruction.

 

Finally the “Amazon Lesbian Talk Show Hosts” join forces and after a trip to Ross Dress For Less they lay in wait for “Margog.” 

 

They catch “Margog” eating Nancy Pelosi and a green salad for lunch and hurl a barrage of adorable designer shoes at him. A patent leather stiletto heel pierces his skin and a huge gusher of bright colored bullshit erupts from his head demolishing “Margog” and his diabolical mechanical robot “Frig” who had been posing as Vice President Dick Cheney.

 

The world is saved by fantastic “Super-Lesbians!!”

 

The new president Morgan Freeman ,posing as Barak Obama and God simultaneously, endorses gay marriage and cancels straight marriage turning all the children in America into little barstards which they were anyway.   

  

Registered @ the WGA West 2008.

 

 

 

“Rumsfeld enjoys war crimes punishment!”

decembre…brrrr 18th!

18^th December…

 

DAILY DAILY.

 

Obama has made so many appointments quickly he’s had to let some of them go already due to the economy.

 

Evangelist Rick Warren will perform Obama’s invocation while Reverend Wright has been sent on a fact finding tour of Pitcairn Island.

 

The Chrysler Car Company will close down for a month to redesign

their 2009 cars to look more like Toyotas.

 

The Chrysler planned obsolescence reached new heights today when

two of its top executive’s asses had to be re-reamed!

 

Southern senators hailed the Chrysler closing move as the first step towards making America into an economically uninhabitable swamp.

 

Auto union members have decided to boycott Colonel Sanders and

will ask the Dixie Chicks to change their name to The Andrew Sisters.   

 

Toyota has named Mitch McConnell an honorary turncoat.

 

Starving underpaid employees at Wal-Mart are becoming increasingly

agitated… and that’s just the chief executives!
 

McDonald’s is thriving during the crisis and will introduce the new  

“50% air burger with a French fry” package next week.

 

People are now able to get on the new recession social insecurity cards.

 

Things are so bad people holding down two jobs are subletting one of them.

 

People’s credit ratings are getting as bad as NBC’s.  

 

 

 

 

IT’S CELEBRITY GOSSIP DAY!

Oprah has gone from being pleasantly plump to as big as a five bedroom mansion.

 

Oprah grows a new body on her old one!  This phenomenon started when Oprah discovered that Doctor Phil had been analyzing her behind her back.

 

Oprah says: “I’ve never been this weight before I feel like two Aretha Franklins!”

 

Oprah has acquired a Cheesecake Factory and had it installed in her dressing room.

 

Oprah’s had to buy a completely new wardrobe from Omar the tent maker.

 

Oprah is so overweight when she bends down to pick something up somebody has to bend over and pick her up.

 

Oprah is so overweight they had to change her four poster bed into a ten poster.

 

Oprah is so overweight when a Deli sees her coming they put the matzo ball maker on overtime.

 

BRITTANY SPEARS.

At an opening this week Brittany’s low cut outfit was so precarious her bodyguard carried a warm spoon.

 

Brittany wants to have more kids but hasn’t decided on what moronic loser to have them with yet.

 

Brittany says she has new hit album and her career is back in shape today but she plans to totally screw it up again tomorrow.

 

Madonna and Angelina will star in a new reality show titled: “Adoption Wars!” The format is; who can adopt the most kid victims of genocide?

 

Lindsay Lohan denies she’s a screwed up deviant lesbian and says she bi-sexual by introducing her latest sex partner Barney the Purple Hippo.

 

Lindsay says her bad girl days are over and now she’s just going to be an axis of evil.

 

ANNISTON POSES NUDE FOR GQ MAGAZINE

Perverts across the country have named Jennifer Anniston the woman they most like to see in a man’s tie and nothing else.

 

Jennifer Anniston posing in the nude has made some people ask

if she did it to make Brad remember what it was like when she borrowed his ties?

 

Her female co-stars from Friends will appear nude in a 2009 calendar titled: “But These Boobs Are Real!”

 

BLAGO WATCH!! 

     

 

“WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES THREW THE CONCRETE SHOE!!”

19th and counting…

19^TH  of .. Virgin Birth Month.

 

DAILY DAILY.

 

Bush makes billions of bailout dollars available to GM while it’s reported several Southern senators get bad cases of diarrhea.

 

Bush had asked for an “orderly bankruptcy” of GM…but when major monetary scholars were unable to figure this out they asked Laura to take away his Teddy and Tequila and hit him upside his shaggy head!  

 

Bush asked the Iraqi government to pardon the Iraq shoe thrower and send him to the States where he will get an unfair trial.

 

Bush is busy rewriting his history with Dennis Miller as Doubleday will only option it as a pop up comedy book.

 

Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are rewriting the Bush legacy faster than they rewrote the constitution.

 

Dick Cheney has proudly announced that “torture works.. proving it by being Vice President for 8 years.

 

A “Tortured by Dick” reunion to be held ..attending will be innocent Gitmo detainees, maimed duck hunters and the staff of “Meet the Press.”  

 

Cheney is donating his pacemaker to the Smithsonian. It will be exhibited next to the first Timex watch with the inscription” “It took a Dicking and keeps on ticking.”

 

 

RICK WARREN FALLOUT

The choice of Rick Warren has confused fundamentalists as the Bible apparently thinks its a good idea!! 

 

Obama takes the wind out of the right wing and puts it in the gay community by using Rick Warren at his inaugural.    

 

 

The gay and lesbian communities don’t like the choice of Warren and feel betrayed…in  an effort to defuse the situation Obama has seen the movie “Milk” fifteen times. 

 

Obama said: “The gay and lesbian community have every right to be upset by my decision but Rick has promised me that God won’t turn any of you into pillars of salt if you just chill”      

 

Obama said: “I know you want to get married and I’m working on that but face it I need all these religious assholes so I can get the troops home and the country back from Shitville!”

 

By using Rick Warren some are saying Obama wants to be president of all the people including Sean Hannity.

 

By using Rick Warren some are saying “what’s next an Ayatollah on the Supreme Court.?”

 

Pat Robertson spoke to the Lord the other day and was told he didn’t get the job because his latest Botox shot sucked!

 

Obama’s policy of “inclusion” mighty also include offering Sarah Palin a job as ambassador to Russia as she doesn’t have to travel far from her house.

 

“YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP” PLEASE  FOLLOW ALONG!

 Bristol Palin’s teen-moron groom’s mother has just been arrested on a drug charge. She was arrested by an Alaskan Trooper. ( THIS IS REAL….NO JOKING!!)

 

This has made Palin ask for a “pregnant pause” in the plans for the wedding.

 

They’re now thinking of having the wedding ceremony and the birth on the same day.

 

Sarah has promised to shoot the wedding dinner from a helicopter.

 

 MORE “YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!”

 

Bill Clinton’s list of clients who paid him millions of dollars for speaking engagements include Saudi Arabia.!!!

 

When reached for a comment Hillary said: “You can’t blame him; it’s where he keeps his Harem!”

 

Clinton’s speaking engagements in the United Emirates outnumber those in Poland and Lithuania by a total of 100 to “They wouldn’t comp the rooms so fuck ‘em !”

 

Hillary says she has no problem with conflict of interest,  and will visit Israel to assure the people that her integrity is in escrow.

 

Bill hasn’t taken all the money yet but plans to as soon as Hillary assures him she’s successfully invaded and occupied an off shore  island. 

 

BLAGO’S LAWYER ..“CAN’T MAKE THIS UP” BIT

 

A man claiming to be a highly respected lawyer representing Blagojavich stated yesterday that his client had done nothing wrong.

 

For the first time in legal history however the Governor will be “guilty until proved guilty.”

 

The lawyer for Blago says the taped phone calls are fakes and it’s actually an episode of Boston Legal!”

 

Blago holds a press conference and is offered the lead roll in Soprano’s Two”.

 

AND FINALLY

 

GURU BERNIE SAYS:

“When next you go into a bank and get charged a fee for cashing a check thank yourself.

 

GURU BERNIE SAYS:

When next you buy an American car you already bought it.            

“Available for Sheiking Engagements” 

Half an Hour $500,000, an Hour $1,000,000.

All day $5,ooo.000 and 2 virgins” 

Counts as 2 days..

Dec 20^th

 

ONLY 3 DAYS DAILY WEEKENDER.

 

 

CHICAGO THE TOTTERING TOWN!

 

In Chicago Blago declared his innocence of all corruption charges and offered to buy the entire press corps Rolex watches.

 

Blago said he was as pure as the driven snow job.

 

Blago’s hair will get its own show on the Fashion Channel.

 

Blago has so much hair he offered some of it to Donald Trump.

 

Blago had to go to the gym to work off 25 pounds of ugly ego.

 

THE SARAH SAGA CONTINUES.

 

The Alaskan troopers who arrested Bristol Palin’s soon to be mother- in- law on 6 counts of drug trafficking were fired today by Governor Palin because they weren’t wearing hats.

 

Devon’s about to have the baby and Sarah is about to have a cow!

 

So the families can be together the combined wedding and Christening will be held in cell number 23.

 

Devon pawned her Ferragamo pumps to post bail for mommy in law.

 

Sarah Palin said she had no idea about the drug dealing mommy and thought Devon’s boyfriend’s complexion was a natural bright purple with large yellow and green blotches. 

 

Devon is hoping she’s not carrying a spawn of Crystal Meth!

 

Meanwhile Sarah Palin will spend this Christmas pardoning the drug dealing mother mommy Senator Ted Stevens and a few more lucky turkeys.

 

…..And on her next political tour Sarah Plain plans to take with her “Joe the Plumber” and “Zeke the Turkey Killer.”  Some are saying she should also take “Harvey the Defense Attorney.” 

 

THE REVIVAL OF THE SHOE AS A STATEMENT.

 

The last time a shoe had this much publicity was when Nikita Khrushchev used it as a “Russian statement!”

 

The FBI has begun recruiting undercover shoe shine boys and covert shoe salesmen.

 

The FBI will be on the look out for any signs of the dreaded open toed sandals that hit Joe Lieberman last time he was in Iraq.

 

The Iranians have secretly started to design shoes that can reach Israel.

 

New surveillance cameras all over the country are being set up in Mephistos.

 

Cinderella will be banned as a subversive book.

 

Ducking techniques are being taught to Southern Republican senators, Right wing religious nut cases, bank executives and the Fox news staff.

 

There have been reports of work boots being thrown at corporate executives!

 

 Stars of “The View” have been tossing fashionable patent leather Gucci’s at each other.

 

“Sensible shoes” worn by all government employees are now being checked to see just how actually “sensible” they are.

 

The National Shoe Association will fight the banning of wing tips and stiletto heels.

 

Any shoe made in China will be tested for plastic contamination.

 

Suspicious looking people using the expression “Socked and Loaded” will be arrested.

 

 

 

Throwing anything larger than a size 12 snow shoe at Moose has been banned in Alaska.  

 

Security forces at airports will be armed with new automatic quick action shoe horns.